First Loves (dating, wife, boyfriend, long distance)

[itsafloater]

Q: Do you ever get truly get over your first love?

My wife and I debate frequently debate as she has pretty bad anxiety, and almost once a month questions are marriage and talks about my first love like I'm still in love with her and am secretly dying to get back. Truth is, I still think about her often but I have essentially no desire to return to that. The highs were highs, the low were lows, but there is a reason I ended it and in my mind I know that. I still have dreams of her often, but I attribute that to the fact my wife brings her up so often. If she wasn't spoken of, it probably wouldn't happen.

On the other side, I once drank a lot with my father aside a fire and he told me that if something ever happened to my mother, that he had someone from his past he would look up. At first this struck me as something you don't tell your child, but after some thought I guess I kind of found it romantic in a way. Meanwhile, my wife just helped her mother unload some boxes from her basement and they found a ton of love letters from her high school years. Her mom told her about a great love she had back then, and that she would have married this man but he died in an accident or something.

So I ask you community of online movers and typers, do you ever truly get past it. Or will all of us become our parents and still hold on to these people into our sixties???

[lola8822]

I married my first love

But I think you will always remember your first love, of course.....that's inevitable. However, there's a HUGE difference between remembering somone and loving somone....My view is that if your married you made a choice and a commitment and as it's normal to "remember" past relationships your current SO should feel like the most important thing in your life......my job as a wife is to make sure that I never ever create a situation where my husband doesn't feel secure in our relationship.....I would never want him to question wether I was thinking of somone else or not.....

[driftwoodpoint]

I think about people from the past with fond memories. But not so sure if you were with them now that it would be the same. The past is the past.
Although I hear all the time about people going back to reunions and running off with someone from the past...20-30-40 years later. Maybe they share some of the past memories which is nice.
I'm going on 60 and I do think about people from the past and sort of wonder what they are doing now?

[mari4him]

I think, especially in those cases where the first experience of love was in high school, that many people don't get over their first love. From people that I have talked to over my lifespan, it's as if they are left with what if's etc.

For me personally, my first love was in high school. I had just turned 15 and we dated for close to 2 years, more on than off (a couple short break ups occured). This relationship was as intense as most relationships feel to be at that age. I think, in a lot of cases that intensity is what is held on to. In a lot of ways, the relationship came to an end without much closure to it because his father had sent him away to Puerto Rico thinking he and I were way too serious and way too young.

After he turned 18 he returned to where we both lived prior to his being sent away. Shortly after my turning 19 we ran into each other, kind of on purpose on his part. We agreed to go out and did so. I think we both were kind of thinking it would be a pick up where we left off kind of thing. However, what occured was that we realized we were 2 different people now. We were no longer those high school kids. Some of our interests had changed and the direction we were heading in life had definately changed. It took just one date to realize that.

At that time I got closure to the relationship and while I can remember him, there is no feeling of not having gotten over him within me. It remains as simply a time in my life and one of the many experiences I had that took a part in shaping who I am today. I can honestly say that I even don't think about him unless the subject of first loves comes up in some way, and even then, it's just as a memory, but absent of any longing feelings that so many other people I've talked to seem to hold on to.

[Granny Sue]

I think of things like this as unanswered prayers.

My hubby knows that he wasn't my 1st love and if my 1st love hadn't died, I could have very well ended up married to him. I assure him and he's my last and greatest love.

I know that I'm not hubby's 1st love but I know I'm his last and only.

If I had married my 1st love I would be living in the same town, knowing the same people and doing the same thing every single day of every single year. I would have hated that. Now that I'm older and have lived many places, I wouldn't mind going back but not to have experianced what I have made me who I am.

Hubby did marry his 1st love only to be divorced two years latter. I truly believe they got married because everybody expected them too. They grew into different people. They did have a son and get along great now, but they weren't meant to be married.

I thank God for unanswered prayers.

[fjtee]

My first love is my ex-husband, who is someone I met in college. Our marriage didn't last long, mostly because I wasn't mature enough. Poor guy. He's a great person and is now remarried with children. We both are. I think of him quite fondly and hope that he is doing well and happy. I'd never want to go back to that even though I've matured quite a bit. I imagine he feels the same. So, I am definitely over my first love, but I do have fond memories.

[mari4him]

Originally Posted by Kali's Grandma

I think of things like this as unanswered prayers.

My hubby knows that he wasn't my 1st love and if my 1st love hadn't died, I could have very well ended up married to him. I assure him and he's my last and greatest love.

I know that I'm not hubby's 1st love but I know I'm his last and only.

If I had married my 1st love I would be living in the same town, knowing the same people and doing the same thing every single day of every single year. I would have hated that. Now that I'm older and have lived many places, I wouldn't mind going back but not to have experianced what I have made me who I am.

Hubby did marry his 1st love only to be divorced two years latter. I truly believe they got married because everybody expected them too. They grew into different people. They did have a son and get along great now, but they weren't meant to be married.

I thank God for unanswered prayers.

I like how you put that and do agree with you. Sometimes life takes us through many twists and turns. We don't always understand why something happens or fails to happen. We have no way to see into the future and see what it holds for us. Being a believer, I do believe God, however, does.

My husband and I are both divorced from our ex's. We are now married to one another, and this could raise a lot of questions as to what if's. What if we had met sooner. What if we had married each other ohhhhh 20 years ago. These are things that we will never have the answer to. However, we do see our relationship/marriage with each other now as God's answer to our lives.

[Miss Martha]

My husband is my first love. I didn't keep in touch with any of the gentlemen that I dated before him, but I wish them all the best. I don't have any feelings towards them anymore, but they were all great guys and I'm sure they are all happily married now as well. I really don't think about them at all except when I am asked questions about them.

My husband used to ask me about my exs, but that was when we first started dating and he has long since matured and now knows that if I had wanted any of them I would still be with them.

[jhlcomp]

Two years ago my phone rang and it was my first boyfriend - the love of my life (as a 14 year old). We were so in love - and that was nearly 40 years ago. There's more - we met while we were both in Dacca, East Pakistan which is now Dhakka, Bangladesh. Then met three years later when I was in Bangkok - quite by accident. By then, we had grown and were quite different people, but fell in love all over again. I was on my way to Taipei and long distances relationships ... well, you know how that works.

Then two years ago out of the blue I get a call. We begin emailing one another, he sends me pictures, we speak on the phone, and I smile -- thank God we didn't marry. We had become two totally different people as is expected. I never think of him or anyone else because my husband is the "one" and always will be. I never look back and I know he doesn't either.

[shopalcholic]

I was 14 when I first met my first love and he was 16 and just enlisted in the army at the time. We dated on and off for three years, I was very immature he always wanted to marry me when he was finished with the service.. I had no plans of marrying young.

Fast forward, we moved on and married others once in awhile I would run into him or his mother. Whom I liked very much and we spoke when we met each other. She had always wished that he had married me, and actually he had expressed the same to me many times. Of course we never met or cheated on our spouses.

I moved out of my state and recently I had heard that he was living about 20 min. away from me. I ran across his name and phone number and innocently had my friend call him and ask that someone from his past wanted to speak to him. Yes I was very curious as to what has happened with him and family over the years.. We had not spoke for about 10 years. So he was excited and gave my friend his number , this was about two years ago. I called and we started talking catching up on old times. He wanted to meet me for lunch and wanted to resume a so called friendship... After speaking several times and I did put my intentions out on the table that I was not interested in having an affair and he respected that. I stopped our conversations after a week, he was not the same person that I loved or maybe he was but I outgrew him. I just wanted to hear his voice and I am glad for I know that I made the right decision not to marry him..

I don't think of him anymore but the old flame holds a special place in my heart. It is natural for we all had a life before we married...Sometimes its best to leave things alone and just hold on to special memories.