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Then there is the aspect of a relationship with a single parent getting serious. If it's a single father dating and then getting remarried, it's not as big a deal to the new wife because traditionally, the man is the major breadwinner, so while with her natural womanly nurturing instincts, she is more than willing to help with the childrearing, she knows that she's not expected to chip in financially for her stepchild in any major way. However, when it's a single mother involved, her prospective dates have to think about whether or not he's willing to take on the financial burden of helping to raise her child if the sperm donor is not paying child support. Many men aren't willing to financially support another man's child, but that's a natural biological drive.
What a load of crap. Talk about double standards. Single mothers seem to be supporting their kids before a new husband comes on the scene and many married women work outside the home these days. Many women arent willing to take on the burden of raising a mans child for the egg donor or having to chip in finanically because 30%+ of his salary is going for child support and alimony.
If I were you and you are interested in this woman, then pursue it...you never know, and you might fall head over heals in love with her child....it happens...and believe me, you can learn a lot from children...so, what do you have to loose, some time?
Take your time, and see what happens, and listen to that inner voice. She might be that one fantastic woman...and on her behalf, she is probably very mature, seeing that she has a child...therefore, it works in your favor...
Good luck...I do hope you try, cuz if you don't, you may always wonder?
when it's a single mother involved, her prospective dates have to think about whether or not he's willing to take on the financial burden of helping to raise her child if the sperm donor is not paying child support. Many men aren't willing to financially support another man's child, but that's a natural biological drive.
The reason single mothers get such a bad rep is that so many guys assume they're looking for someone to support them and their child. Did it ever occur to you that a single mother may just be looking for someone to share her life with and isn't worried about finding someone to help pay her child's college tuition? Of the two single mothers I dated, both were more than capable of supporting their children and weren't looking for some guy to help out. When I dated them, I never once worried that they might be looking to me to help out financially. But I do know that if I did ever get married to a single parent and grew to love her child like my own, I'd probably want to support that child, even if it were someone else's. When you love someone that much, you'd be surprised what you'd be willing to do for that person.
What a load of crap. Talk about double standards. Single mothers seem to be supporting their kids before a new husband comes on the scene and many married women work outside the home these days. Many women arent willing to take on the burden of raising a mans child for the egg donor or having to chip in finanically because 30%+ of his salary is going for child support and alimony.
Approximately 84% of custodial parents are mothers, and
16% of custodial parents are fathers
Of the mothers who are custodial parents:
44% are currently divorced or separated
33% have never been married
22% are married (In most cases, these numbers represent women who have remarried.)
1% were widowed
79% of custodial single mothers are gainfully employed
50% work full time, year round
29% work part-time or part-year
27.7% of custodial single mothers and their children live in poverty
11.1% of custodial single fathers and their children live in poverty
Now 27.7% of single custodial mothers is not the majority, yet it is a significant number, almost a third of them. And the younger the single mother, the more likely she and her child (or children) are not financially comfortable.
If I were you and you are interested in this woman, then pursue it...you never know, and you might fall head over heals in love with her child....it happens...and believe me, you can learn a lot from children...so, what do you have to loose, some time?
Take your time, and see what happens, and listen to that inner voice. She might be that one fantastic woman...and on her behalf, she is probably very mature, seeing that she has a child...therefore, it works in your favor...
Good luck...I do hope you try, cuz if you don't, you may always wonder?
Creme
And the child might fall head over heels for YOU!!! This is the danger. Please, please, keep your distance from the kid for a VERY LONG TIME. Meeting the child, saying "hi" when picking her up for a date, fine. Hanging out, playing checkers, going to the park, the zoo, out for ice cream... WAIT on that stuff.
I know I sound frantic but this is heartbreaking when it goes wrong, and adults get over it. Kids, it's much harder to get over. It is so not fair and IMO any woman who allows this, knowing the risks, is not being a good mom.
I say this as somone who was a single mom, met someone when my kid was 18 months, then proceeded VERY CAREFULLY and didn't marry until my kid was 4, at which point he and my son were close, and by the time he turned 5 he, on his own, called my husband "Daddy".
I stayed in a bad marriage for way too long because this was 'Daddy' to my son. And to be fair to him (my ex), although he's a crappy father to both kids now, he always treated my son like his own flesh and blood, even after we had a child together, but the point is, those attachments grow quickly and they are serious, so tread lightly is all I'm saying.
My best girlfriend has a 5 year old daughter, is divorced, and involved with a younger man. He adores her daughter, and they have had many fun adventures together. Despite many bumps in the road as far as their relationship goes (the relationship between my girlfriend and her man, to clarify), I believe that it is totally worth it, to become a part of both of their lives. Just don't screw around, though, because the child could become really attached to you. And if it doesn't work out, you're hurting two people.
Personally, I agree that based on the fact that you barely know this woman, it is one of those situations where you have no way of knowing if it could work out or not until you actually give it a shot. Get to know her, go out on a couple of dates, exchange a few phone calls. I mean unless you are totally opposed to having children being part of your life, which is not what I am gathering from your posts, then there is no reason why it can't work out if you find you are both compatible.
However, I would caution and agree as other's have said to keep from meeting the little girl at least until you both have a better idea of if you want to take this further than just casual dating. She doesn't need to grow attached to you, nor you to her if it is not going to go anywhere. It will just be a traumatic experience for her when you no longer come around, and could be heart breaking for you when you no longer are a part of her life. Therefore, keep some distance and explain to the mother why that is. This very reason that I just explained here. That way she doesn't just assume you are interested in just her and not willing to accept the package which is what she really is. In fact, explaining it to her this way may cause her to have greater respect for you based on the respect and concern you are showing for her daughter's well being.
That being said, once you have a better idea and feel that this is a woman that you could definately be in a long term comitted relationship with, absolutely include the child in some outings because that child will no doubt be a factor in your relationship and you also need to know how that is going to play out.
I feel a situation like this, when a single, child-free person, considers dating a divorced/single parent, it takes a lot of maturity. You alone know if you have what it takes in that area. I don't base it on age. So you are 23... I was a single mom at 19 and handled the responsibility quite well. My son is 19 and while I definately would not want him to be in an instant made family at 19... I wouldn't doubt that it could happen. He is very much a home/family type young man. He longs for the day to have a longterm comitted relationship and would love nothing more than a household full of children running around. He would make a great father or father figure for any child. I see him interacting with my 4 & 5 year old step-daughter's and it amazes me the love and patience he has with them. At 19 you can find him skipping around the house as they play follow the leader, or crawling on the floor as one or both are riding his back playing horsie.
It all boils down to the type of person you are. What your desires are for the future and what priorities you have in life.
Lets not get too far off the topic of the OP's question. I think we are traveling too far down the "lets give single moms a break" path.
Bottom line is based on the 23 year old male's question - He should not even consider dating a 26 single mom who is the sister of his friend. Period. Who cares about what she may be like or any of this stupid "it takes a real man....." crap. Dude, if you can sex from her (which is probably what she wants anyway) then do it. Just dont get go spending your hard earned money on baby supplies, baby sitters, baby food, fast food, etc. From your dating standpoint, the child should not at all come in to play. If she says anything about thid kid you should just end it. Enough with all the other crap about the mom unless you want to start a "single mom dating problems" thread. OP, your young so go out and enjoy your time.
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