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Old 08-05-2008, 12:41 PM
 
Location: Rahway, NJ
15 posts, read 33,538 times
Reputation: 16

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I recently moved across the county with my boyfriend of 2 years. We have had issues with me cheating in the past, but I thought we could move past it. He had the ability to forgive the past and wanted to be with me forever. For some reason I just can't let myself be loved and happy. I have cheated again and am moving back home to my family. We have made a perfect home together and I have thrown it all away. I hate myself for hurting him, yet I continued to do it. I am so lost. I know I need to leave him so he can move on and find true love, but I struggling getting out the door. What if neither of us can get past this. What if this damaged relationship we have is the best that we can do? I am supposed to be packing right now...but I am sitting here writing this instead. I need to leave, but I am so scared.
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Old 08-05-2008, 12:44 PM
 
Location: Whoville....
25,393 posts, read 29,736,370 times
Reputation: 14499
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alisonann15 View Post
...For some reason I just can't let myself be loved and happy....
I would suggest you find a good counselor and find out why you undermine your own happiness.

By any chance were your parents divorced? Mine were and I have had a hard time seeing myself as lovable as a result.
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Old 08-05-2008, 12:45 PM
miu
 
Location: MA/NH
16,487 posts, read 33,459,114 times
Reputation: 15219
When you cheated on your boyfriend, what was it about the other guy(s) that appealed to you? Were you attracted by them being flirty with you? Was it for the better sex? It seems that your current boyfriend is not fulfilling your every need as a s/o. I think that a good boyfriend has to be more than just someone that is a nice guy and who loves you. I wonder if you are with your boyfriend because you are afraid of being without a steady boyfriend and you compromised in what you really need in a s/o.
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Old 08-05-2008, 12:57 PM
 
Location: Lansing, MI
2,954 posts, read 5,949,638 times
Reputation: 3236
If you are recognizing bahavior patterns in yourself, that is your indicator that its time to really sit down and work on yourself. With a good, qualified, non-biased 3rd party. Either there was something in your relationship that was not being fulfilled, or you were in the relationship for the wrong reasons.

I noticed with your post that you said you were throwing away the perfect set up - you and BF had made a nice home together. That didn't scream "love" was present in the home, just that it was a well established home.
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Old 08-05-2008, 01:09 PM
 
1,884 posts, read 4,019,618 times
Reputation: 2659
Alison, I'm going to be as nice as I can, hard for me. You have no respect for your bf, and he has no respect for himself. If he did, he'd have punted you last time this happened.

Your post tells me you have no respect for others, and care only about yourself. Thats just how I see it. I'd bet good money that this relationship will never last, sorry.

If he were the one ask'n for help, I'd tell him to drop you like a ton of bricks.

I also think that you'll keep doing it till it really hurts you, so far he's let you get by w/it.......one day he won't, maybe tomorrow.

Your scared? Wtf did you think would happen?

Move on, and quit treating him like crap.
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Old 08-05-2008, 01:24 PM
 
25,165 posts, read 47,343,585 times
Reputation: 6945
I suggest you call Dr. Phil for immediate assistance.
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Old 08-05-2008, 01:31 PM
 
Location: Midwest
1,167 posts, read 1,347,269 times
Reputation: 1493
My view is that you have low self esteem and low respect for others. and your SO has low self esteem for not leaving a person who continually cheats on them.

IMO if you two find that you can live like that, perhaps you should just label it an "open" relationship and go from there. That way you can be selfish and they can continue to subject themself to the torturous treatment they have endured thus far without complaint.

Or just let your SO move on. Stop being selfish and don't date anyone else unless they have the same disregard for others as you have. That way you can at least know what it feels like.
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Old 08-05-2008, 01:33 PM
 
25,165 posts, read 47,343,585 times
Reputation: 6945
like I said they need to call Dr. Phil for assistance, there is no other way.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Miss Martha View Post
My view is that you have low self esteem and low respect for others. and your SO has low self esteem for not leaving a person who continually cheats on them.

IMO if you two find that you can live like that, perhaps you should just label it an "open" relationship and go from there. That way you can be selfish and they can continue to subject themself to the torturous treatment they have endured thus far without complaint.

Or just let your SO move on. Stop being selfish and don't date anyone else unless they have the same disregard for others as you have. That way you can at least know what it feels like.
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Old 08-05-2008, 01:59 PM
 
Location: SUNNY AZ
4,589 posts, read 11,756,558 times
Reputation: 1831
Quote:
Originally Posted by Capt. Cave Man View Post
Alison, I'm going to be as nice as I can, hard for me. You have no respect for your bf, and he has no respect for himself. If he did, he'd have punted you last time this happened.

Your post tells me you have no respect for others, and care only about yourself. Thats just how I see it. I'd bet good money that this relationship will never last, sorry.

If he were the one ask'n for help, I'd tell him to drop you like a ton of bricks.

I also think that you'll keep doing it till it really hurts you, so far he's let you get by w/it.......one day he won't, maybe tomorrow.

Your scared? Wtf did you think would happen?

Move on, and quit treating him like crap.

I agree.......Staying faithful is hard for lots of ppl at least one time or another......it's not easy and it takes self control. Being unfaithful isn't an incurable disease and there's no justification for it.....the best advice I can give you is don't commit to anything until you are 100 percent sure you can be faithful.....if that's never then it's never but don't hurt ppl like that.....it's not cool .
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Old 08-05-2008, 02:04 PM
 
Location: Texas
876 posts, read 1,417,137 times
Reputation: 549
you are just selfish and will probably never grow out of it and be able to be faithful in a relationship. i suggest you leave your boyfriend since he obviously doesn't have enough self esteem to leave you. then...before you get in another relationship (God help that guy) tell him up front that you have a problem with...keeping your....well....you know.
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