U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 08-06-2008, 07:56 AM
 
Location: Columbia Maryland
333 posts, read 905,046 times
Reputation: 113

Advertisements

I have a friend that met a guy online around July 22nd or 23rd of this year. They met, or were introduced, in some online poetry group. The guy sent her a poem that blew her mind - apparently it was very similar to something she had written but never published a few years ago.

By the week of July 30th (7 days) the guy was planning to come to town to visit. He came to town just this past weekend, spent two days here and now they are talking about him moving here. She is encouraging him, sending is resume to various employers in the area.

From what my friend tells me they did "hook up" during this visit.

She has shared with me some of their correspondence and asked my option.

Personally I think they are moving way too fast. As I write this, they are talking about spending the rest of their lives together, moving in, and raising her son.

The fact that she says she trust this guy around her 4 year old son scares me. They have only known each other for 3 weeks and only spent one weekend together. The has no kids, hence no experience with toddlers.

Is it just me, or do you think that there should be more time spent "getting to know" the person before making these life altering commitments?

It seems to me that the are moving way to fast! What's the rush?

Everyone around her it telling her to take her time but she is not listening.

Opinions?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 08-06-2008, 08:00 AM
 
Location: Wu Dang Mountain
12,941 posts, read 18,825,721 times
Reputation: 8655
My opinion?

"Watch out for fast-moving poets."

...and I say this from personal knowledge.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-06-2008, 08:09 AM
 
240 posts, read 1,192,981 times
Reputation: 243
I agree with you. Your friend has only known this guy for 3 weeks so basically he is a stranger. You do not let strangers around you small children. She knows nothing about this man and she is willing to change her whole life for him. Please talk to your friend about this very important decision.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-06-2008, 08:12 AM
 
Location: SUNNY AZ
4,589 posts, read 11,736,632 times
Reputation: 1830
Quote:
Originally Posted by ajs5mz2 View Post
I have a friend that met a guy online around July 22nd or 23rd of this year. They met, or were introduced, in some online poetry group. The guy sent her a poem that blew her mind - apparently it was very similar to something she had written but never published a few years ago.

By the week of July 30th (7 days) the guy was planning to come to town to visit. He came to town just this past weekend, spent two days here and now they are talking about him moving here. She is encouraging him, sending is resume to various employers in the area.

From what my friend tells me they did "hook up" during this visit.

She has shared with me some of their correspondence and asked my option.

Personally I think they are moving way too fast. As I write this, they are talking about spending the rest of their lives together, moving in, and raising her son.

The fact that she says she trust this guy around her 4 year old son scares me. They have only known each other for 3 weeks and only spent one weekend together. The has no kids, hence no experience with toddlers.

Is it just me, or do you think that there should be more time spent "getting to know" the person before making these life altering commitments?

It seems to me that the are moving way to fast! What's the rush?

Everyone around her it telling her to take her time but she is not listening.

Opinions?
I would say let her learn the hard way but because of the child I think what I would do is sit her down and have a serious convo. with her......that is really scary and quite a risk to be taking with your child. Maybe there is somone she really listens too like her parents? sibling?? or if it's you then do your best but you can't force her into not doing something if she really insists on doing it. I would just be there for her and maybe offer to watch the little guy more often. Are her parents okay with this? I'm 27, not quite of the dependent age, and my parents would KI*L ME if I did this.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-06-2008, 08:17 AM
 
Location: Columbia Maryland
333 posts, read 905,046 times
Reputation: 113
Quote:
Originally Posted by thorpe View Post
I agree with you. Your friend has only known this guy for 3 weeks so basically he is a stranger. You do not let strangers around you small children. She knows nothing about this man and she is willing to change her whole life for him. Please talk to your friend about this very important decision.
Believe me, I am talking to her, constantly, but she is so taken by the way they correspond - the poetry and phone conversations, that she is not listening. She tells me that this is how true love happens, I tell her this is how you end up a body on the side of the road, or that your son is being abused, or both.

I've told her if he is the one, he'll be around for a few months while you get to know him.

From what I can tell, she ain't listening.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-06-2008, 08:21 AM
 
Location: Columbia Maryland
333 posts, read 905,046 times
Reputation: 113
Quote:
Originally Posted by lola8822 View Post
I would say let her learn the hard way but because of the child I think what I would do is sit her down and have a serious convo. with her......that is really scary and quite a risk to be taking with your child. Maybe there is somone she really listens too like her parents? sibling?? or if it's you then do your best but you can't force her into not doing something if she really insists on doing it. I would just be there for her and maybe offer to watch the little guy more often. Are her parents okay with this? I'm 27, not quite of the dependent age, and my parents would KI*L ME if I did this.
Her mom is in CA. I'm not sure how much detail mom gets. Don't know of anyone else that she will listen too.

When they talk and write they are constantly pledging their love for each other, but at 3 weeks in, I just don't buy it. I'd say be patient, give it a few months - cool down a bit, and then assess the situation.

We'll see what happens....
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-06-2008, 09:09 AM
 
Location: Tucson
42,837 posts, read 77,014,308 times
Reputation: 22814
Moving fast is what you do when you know time is not your friend.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-06-2008, 09:10 AM
 
Location: SUNNY AZ
4,589 posts, read 11,736,632 times
Reputation: 1830
Quote:
Originally Posted by ajs5mz2 View Post
Her mom is in CA. I'm not sure how much detail mom gets. Don't know of anyone else that she will listen too.

When they talk and write they are constantly pledging their love for each other, but at 3 weeks in, I just don't buy it. I'd say be patient, give it a few months - cool down a bit, and then assess the situation.

We'll see what happens....
good luck!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-06-2008, 09:15 AM
 
Location: Columbia Maryland
333 posts, read 905,046 times
Reputation: 113
Quote:
Originally Posted by sierraAZ View Post
Moving fast is what you do when you know time is not your friend.
Not sure what you mean by time is not your friend. Please explain.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-06-2008, 09:15 AM
 
3,698 posts, read 9,969,852 times
Reputation: 2593
This is a guy who is willing to pull up the stakes and move away from everything in his life after knowing her for three weeks. He's leaving his job, his home, his friends... that isn't the kind of guy you want a relationship with.

You want the guy who really has to think about leaving his life behind. He should have the kind of job that he feels attached to, the kinds of friends that he can't imagine not having around, and the kind of life that is full and interesting to him but that she can make even better.

A loser that is willing to drop everything based on three weeks is not someone you need being around your kid.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2018, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top