Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I don't recall 'people changing' as being on the list of ways you agreed to end the marriage and screw up your kids. People change, whether from age or circumstances.
Looks to me like he's a provider and in this economy, you should be grateful for that, unless you prefer the alternative, a wimp who moves you into a car 'until better times come along.'
Stop whining and support him. Better times will come, and you will see the man yo umarried again, but not under these circumstances, and not with you making it harder for him to fill his role as provider.
I don't recall 'people changing' as being on the list of ways you agreed to end the marriage and screw up your kids. People change, whether from age or circumstances.
Looks to me like he's a provider and in this economy, you should be grateful for that, unless you prefer the alternative, a wimp who moves you into a car 'until better times come along.'
Stop whining and support him. Better times will come, and you will see the man yo umarried again, but not under these circumstances, and not with you making it harder for him to fill his role as provider.
Really? Because I find that a little 1960's..... Did you read her post at all?
Quote:
Originally Posted by bailey19782000
I understand that he has been under a great deal of stress but he doesnt understand that so am i. I have had to quit a damn good job to be his chauffer back and forth to his court dates. I have also put up with harrassments from his x and her family. Ninety percent of the time I feel like his mom because I have to do everything for him and the other ten percent he is wagging his finger in my face lecturing me like a kid. I have told him how I feel about this and he doesnt listen its like he doesnt care. i have mentioned that maybe we should see a marriage counselor and he refuses.
Things have definately changed between us to the point that I want out of this marriage. Personally I think he does too but he doesnt want to pay child support. Every time I suggest divorce or even a seperation he flips out and then promises to change. Usually by the next day he is back to his lecturing controlling ways.
So your saying that because he works and she doesn't he has the right to make her feel this way?? There's no excuse for treating your SO like that.....none at all......if anything, he should be greatful to her for marrying him....I personally wouldn't have given him another look. As well as taking care of stressful crap that she didn't even create......
Why are you chauffering him around if he makes such great money? Doesn't he drive? Doesn't he have a car? Did I miss something?
he has a license and his own car but he works 5pm to 5 am and his court dates are in the early after noon. its a 4 hour drive to court from where he works so i pick him up and drive him so he can sleep on the road. it isnt safe for him to drive that far on no sleep.
ok your first mistake was getting married so soon.
how do you have a meaningful relationship with someone you barely know (regardless of being "on and off", you didnt know him well enough to see that he was banging some other chic and got her pregnant).
second mistake was having a kid with this guy.
maybe you should have waited. be in a relationship with him as a person first. instead now you have two kids, potentially three and you aint happy.
since you cant do nothing about that. you just have to grin and bear it. oh well. you made your bed now lay in it. you hsould have though about this before you opened your legs.
he should have thought about this before spilling his seed so carelessly.
you guys are a typical maury p show. classic. as for your complaints about money.
time are tuff. he probably feels the stress, now that he went from single to 5 in the matter of 3 years. its stressful. your naggin aint helpin.
i dont think he should fly off the handle at you for lil things. but what do you expect.
you both took careless step after careless step. you should have really thought about that before.
now you are left with a big mess to clean up. outside of running from this, all you can do is try to make him be more understanding.
after all the carlessness, be happy that at least now your man is tryin to be careful about your finances.
thats it. good luck. try to make him understand how his mood affects your mood and that of the children. tell him it is creating a gulf between you two. make sure he understands you love him and only have the best interest of the FAMILY in mind, and hopefully he'll get it. but dont nag him, or get on his case. be nice, and ultimately if he does not reciprocate tell him its unbearable and you want things to be different...or else.
he has a license and his own car but he works 5pm to 5 am and his court dates are in the early after noon. its a 4 hour drive to court from where he works so i pick him up and drive him so he can sleep on the road. it isnt safe for him to drive that far on no sleep.
It doesn't have to be a mess. You guys are just under tremendous stress, both of you. Sounds like neither of you gets any sleep. If you can agree that you're both under monstrous stress that neither of you signed up for, and try to see and respect each other's situations - try to be one temporarily-stressed unit instead of two - if you can agree to trust each other and work as a team - you're on your way to at least one good night's sleep!
I still recommend a weekend away from home - maybe separately or one at a time even. Good luck, I hope it works out.
He needs to understand how you really feel. He also needs to know that you are thinking that you want out of this marriage.
Try to sit down and have a heart to heart talk with him about what you told us here. If he still does not want to listen, or discuss it, then tell him that you are going back to work. He can find a ride to his court dates, or whatever on his own.
You need to start thinking about you and the child. It takes two to make a marriage work, and it sounds like he`s not even willing to try.
i would, first of all, never have married someone who had just impregnated another woman.
but anyway, what's done is done. if i were in your shoes, i would do one of two things:
1) leave
or if this aint very feasible for financial reasons
2) stay for 2 years, while going to nursing school, become an RN, since yall could afford it. your return on investment would be great for just 2 years of school (or less if you already have some college credits that can apply to the prereqs)...income average is $50-60K though of course there is unlimited work available, and your income is therefore only limited by your energy level. i have colleagues who clear 100K a year or more, working overtime or a second job. im too lazy to work that much anymore, but i still make a good living doin' it..and i can live anywhere i want to and will never be unemployed...and men are only icing on the cake-dont need em. sure dont need em to support me. so i can be VERY VERY picky!
Quote:
Originally Posted by bailey19782000
I know this is going to sound pretty messed up but I am not sure I want to be with my husband anymore.
Let me start from the beginning..
Dh and I moved really quickly and got married because we were sure that it was true love. Right after getting married his son was born ( by someone else). About a month after his son was born I found out I was pregnant with our daughter who is now 2.then came a son. So beween the two of us we have 3 kids. Over the last 3 years that we have been married life has had its ups and downs, more downs than ups. DH has a good job so fortunately i was able to be a stay at home mom till recently.
Over the last year I have noticed that DH has been growing increasingly more obsessed with money. Seems like thats all he cares about. He volunteers to work weekends for the over time. He moniters every penny I spend doesnt matter if its for groceries or gas if iI go one penny over the budget he snaps. He has also been battling his x for custody of his son who is in foster care and they are both trying to get him out.
I understand that he has been under a great deal of stress but he doesnt understand that so am i. I have had to quit a damn good job to be his chauffer back and forth to his court dates. I have also put up with harrassments from his x and her family. Ninety percent of the time I feel like his mom because I have to do everything for him and the other ten percent he is wagging his finger in my face lecturing me like a kid. I have told him how I feel about this and he doesnt listen its like he doesnt care. i have mentioned that maybe we should see a marriage counselor and he refuses.
Things have definately changed between us to the point that I want out of this marriage. Personally I think he does too but he doesnt want to pay child support. Every time I suggest divorce or even a seperation he flips out and then promises to change. Usually by the next day he is back to his lecturing controlling ways.
I don't recall 'people changing' as being on the list of ways you agreed to end the marriage and screw up your kids. People change, whether from age or circumstances.
Looks to me like he's a provider and in this economy, you should be grateful for that, unless you prefer the alternative, a wimp who moves you into a car 'until better times come along.'
Stop whining and support him. Better times will come, and you will see the man yo umarried again, but not under these circumstances, and not with you making it harder for him to fill his role as provider.
Does being a provider justify whatever else his behavior may be? Being a good provider is an important part of being a good spouse,but there are plenty of bad behaviors that can make it intolerable to live with a "good breadwinner". Maybe he should stop controlling so stringently and support her emotionally. She's supporting him in trying to gain custody of another woman's child!
To the OP: Agreed, it sounds as if you both married too hastily without getting to know each other very well.
That being said: Your husband's fretting and worrying over money and controlling your joint funds probably has little to do with how much or how little money he actually has. If his parents were irresponsible with money, he probably has an excessive insecurity related to money. He may never have enough money to make him feel secure. Be that as it may, it is very selfish for him to save for a Harley while nickle and dimeing you rather than having a family plan for that money.
Go back to work. With luck, maybe you can get back on at your good job. Make and save your own money. That will give you more power to have input into money decisions. Put away your own savings in your own name for more important things than a Harley. If your husband isn't hurting for money, then he can take part of his work day off and drive himself to most court dates where your presence isn't necessary. If you're working and contributing toward the bills, you can reinforce for him that he can afford that time. Time will tell whether your marriage is salvageable. But having your own funds sounds like the only way to survive within or without your marriage, whichever comes to pass.
Do you still love your husband? If you and your husband were under no stress whatsover, would you still want to leave him? Ask yourself that question. If you wouldn't leave him then why leave him now? Are you ready to stick with him through good times and bad? Is your relationship strong enough to endure the tough times? The age old question is are you better off with him or without him? No matter what, he will always be in your life because of your children.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
