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Unread 08-06-2008, 07:39 PM
 
3 posts, read 11,130 times
Reputation: 12
Default Do you think a trial separation can be a good thing?

I don't have the energy to post my entire marital history but I find myself just feeling as though I've hit the wall for a number of reasons. We are just not communicating. Almost any discussion ends in argument and arguing with him is impossible. I find myself less able to open up and let him know how I'm feeling since I think he'll either dismiss it outright, tell me I'm being ridiculous or tell me he feels worse than I do. He battles depression, has had trouble holding down a job, (in my opinion) drinks too much. We've been in and out of counseling. We'll have periods (less and less often) where things are good--great even. But then we return to this state---avoiding too much to do with each other, arguing, etc.

I am finding myself getting depressed. I wonder if absence can make the heart grow fonder? Or maybe it will just reinforce what is inevitable.
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Unread 08-06-2008, 07:57 PM
 
4,892 posts, read 11,007,155 times
Reputation: 3592
sometimes taking a break can make you realize how much you really love and need eachother. sometimes it can make you realize how wonderful life is without each other. if you do try a speration, try to be prepared for either of these feelings.
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Unread 08-06-2008, 09:42 PM
 
Location: SoCal - Sherman Oaks & Woodland Hills
12,980 posts, read 17,055,566 times
Reputation: 10491
If you think you need a "trial separation" you should just go ahead and get divorced. I predict that its in your future anyway. Couples with happy successful marriages dont have "trial separations". Either make it work (but both parties need to want it to work) or cut your losses and get divorced.
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Unread 08-07-2008, 10:33 AM
 
Location: Cumberland Co., TN
10,303 posts, read 9,676,381 times
Reputation: 10063
Insufficient

Are you married to my stbx? Your situation sounds like mine was. I tried fixing it, hanging on to the very end. All the while him saying he didnt want a divorce and wanted things like they use to be, then bam out of the blue I get served divorces papers. We were unofficially seperated at the time. We had bought a second house with the intentions of selling the first, I went ahead and moved thinking he was right behind me, he never came. I think that made the divorce easier for me anyway. I have heard trial seperations most always end in divorce. I wish you luck.
These things are never easy.
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Unread 08-07-2008, 10:43 AM
 
Location: Indiana
562 posts, read 1,271,676 times
Reputation: 457
Yep , seperations whether trials or"vacations", end marriages in what I have seen. Don't do it if you really want things to work.
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Unread 08-07-2008, 11:28 AM
Status: "Nullius in verba" (set 24 days ago)
 
3,415 posts, read 6,200,141 times
Reputation: 2100
It sounds like you are having problems committing to your marriage, and you are having problems committing to a divorce. Make a choice, take a stand and fight for it.
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Unread 08-07-2008, 11:43 AM
 
Location: Tucson
42,853 posts, read 49,247,436 times
Reputation: 22661
Quote:
Originally Posted by sean98125 View Post
It sounds like you are having problems committing to your marriage, and you are having problems committing to a divorce. Make a choice, take a stand and fight for it.
If it were that easy... It's like trying to choose between a handsome & dumb and smart & ugly man.
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Unread 08-07-2008, 11:46 AM
 
Location: Stanwood, Washington
658 posts, read 79,483 times
Reputation: 172
Quote:
Originally Posted by DaBeez View Post
If you think you need a "trial separation" you should just go ahead and get divorced. I predict that its in your future anyway. Couples with happy successful marriages dont have "trial separations". Either make it work (but both parties need to want it to work) or cut your losses and get divorced.
Agreed. Either fight for eachother until you win or wimp out and steal the money. Separation is just one step for divorce. Calling it a trial is just decorating the word.
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Unread 08-07-2008, 12:07 PM
 
1,664 posts, read 2,378,405 times
Reputation: 2026
Quote:
Originally Posted by DaBeez View Post
If you think you need a "trial separation" you should just go ahead and get divorced. I predict that its in your future anyway. Couples with happy successful marriages dont have "trial separations". Either make it work (but both parties need to want it to work) or cut your losses and get divorced.
There ya go, Dabeez, just like alot of people here tell'n people to just divorce as if it's no big thing. Don't work at it, just divorce.........thats the answer.......right?

I'm so sick and f'n tired of people jump'n right to divorce. Makes me sick to my stomach.

OP, have you read any books on marriage? Have you spent time alone to try and work things out.

A marriage isn't like a car, use it untill your tired of working on it, then get a new one.

People will work so hard at work, and not lift a finger on their marriage. WHY?!!! Too much work? Too lazy?

If marriage is like a car, wtf are people doing getting married in a church......in front of GOD! Does his word, or yours , not mean anything? Till death due us part, ring a bell.

Most of my post is aimed at dabeez, and I'm sorry dabeez but you hit a wrong note w/me this time. Just my opinion, and I'm not gonna hold it against ya for ever so have your shots at me, I'll understand. I'm pi$$ed but I'd still drink beer w/ya and have a good time. So don't take it personnally, please......I just dissagree.....and I may be totally wrong(wont be the first)

OP, get some books, both of you should read them. I suggest marriage builders, google it.

Times get tough, it's gut check time. The grass may be greener on the other side, but it's also full of weeds/bugs, and isn't as soft and caring as the grass you have,,,, even though your grass my have some "crab" grass in it.

Don't give up hope.
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Unread 08-07-2008, 12:14 PM
 
Location: SUNNY AZ
4,589 posts, read 8,177,643 times
Reputation: 1773
Quote:
Originally Posted by Capt. Cave Man View Post
There ya go, Dabeez, just like alot of people here tell'n people to just divorce as if it's no big thing. Don't work at it, just divorce.........thats the answer.......right?

I'm so sick and f'n tired of people jump'n right to divorce. Makes me sick to my stomach.

OP, have you read any books on marriage? Have you spent time alone to try and work things out.

A marriage isn't like a car, use it untill your tired of working on it, then get a new one.

People will work so hard at work, and not lift a finger on their marriage. WHY?!!! Too much work? Too lazy?

If marriage is like a car, wtf are people doing getting married in a church......in front of GOD! Does his word, or yours , not mean anything? Till death due us part, ring a bell.

Most of my post is aimed at dabeez, and I'm sorry dabeez but you hit a wrong note w/me this time. Just my opinion, and I'm not gonna hold it against ya for ever so have your shots at me, I'll understand. I'm pi$$ed but I'd still drink beer w/ya and have a good time. So don't take it personnally, please......I just dissagree.....and I may be totally wrong(wont be the first)

OP, get some books, both of you should read them. I suggest marriage builders, google it.

Times get tough, it's gut check time. The grass may be greener on the other side, but it's also full of weeds/bugs, and isn't as soft and caring as the grass you have,,,, even though your grass my have some "crab" grass in it.

Don't give up hope.
I agree.......Nice post
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