Would you be upset? (man, family, advice, jealous)
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I know you don't think anything is up and I am certainly not trying to convince you... because you are the one who best understands (I hope?) this situation since you are "in it".
I just wanted to point out though, that another BIG issue for me would be the fact that he wanted this meeting to occur when he was out of town.
Am I right on that or did I read it wrong? Was he planning on meeting up with her while "away on business"??
If so that would be a HUGE one for me. I would think it much more "innocent" if they were meeting where y'all live, where there's risk of being "seen" and all.
I am the "jealous type" and have insecurities of my own from past betrayals. So, sometimes I cannot evaluate these sort of situations with a reasonable eye. So, I asked my partner what she thought... she is pretty much NOT jealous at all and often the victim of my overactive imagination. She's the type to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, all the time.. sometimes too trusting... and even she, after reading what you described, was instantly alarmed and her opinion was that something is way wrong with that picture.
So, take that FWIW. Whatever the end result, hugs to you, and take care of yourself.
Don't go overboard with the fact that you know you are prone to jealousy/insecurity and take it to the extreme of being blind while trying NOT to be jealous or insecure. My ex knew I hated that part of myself, the insecure part, and he used that to basically make me doubt myself every time I had good reason to be suspicious.
Just try and cut yourself some slack and listen to your gut. That's all.
I just wanted to point out though, that another BIG issue for me would be the fact that he wanted this meeting to occur when he was out of town. edit
If so that would be a HUGE one for me. I would think it much more "innocent" if they were meeting where y'all live, where there's risk of being "seen" and all.
Yes, that is an excellent point. Two people, one who was once attracted to the other, a few drinks, a hotel room .....
Hubby left for a business trip today, and I found an email of his (yes I was snooping) inviting an old friend to meet him. So here is the back story....
He had a crush on a girl in college for years. Nothing ever came of it. Hubby and I met years later, and have been married for over a decade. He and the girl still remained friends over the years. This girl, was never really pleasant to me, and made many backhanded comments to me.
Honestly, I am very jealous of her, and he knows this. He realized all the somewhat awful things she said to me, and swore her off as a friend. Of course this never happened.
Needless to say over the years her marriage has been in trouble. It finally exploded. So he emailed her (didn't tell me) inviting her to meet him, and he would pay for it. As I am typing this, I am getting much more angry.
I know it is very innocent, and there is nothing going on. I am just hurt beyond belief for many reasons. That he invited her not telling me, offered to pay when we are broke and knows I am insanely jealous of her.
So, yeah I guess I am really upset. But question if I should even approach him, I feel like an idiot snooping, and know that nothing would happen between them, they are only friends.....
Let me clarify, he didn't keep the friendship going 'behind my back'. I am definitely insecure, previous relationship cheating and all...
I can see right through this comment.
Just be wise..take everything that is exposed to you for face value. Always remember..when one cheats on you, ..ITS NEVER EVER YOUR FAULT.
The 1st rule is..DO NOT SECOND GUESS YOURSELF. The fact that you felt the need snoop (irregardless of past relationships) means a whole lot. And Sweetheart..and I'm being very sympathetic..the proof is in the pudding.
Just remember when you bring up the situation, focus on the "real issue at hand/the email you found"..not the fact that you snooped..thats BS (Most men are masters of manipulation..us women have learned from the best), who cares. Get down to the bottom of business and stand your ground!! Please..for your sanity, self respect, health reasons..just your being.
If you decide to forgive and forget..thats on you, but you MUST get down to the truth so you know what youre dealing with.
You have two children and money problems and he volunteered to pay her way to rendezvous with him while he's out of town on a business trip and you're at home babysitting his children. Do you see how wrong that is?
This is a major red flag. It has nothing to do with your past insecurities and everything to do with his messed up priorities. You and your children should be his first consideration financially, emotionally, etc. and in this instance he was only thinking of himself and his girl friend. You have every right to be outraged.
Thanks for everyone's response. I did call him and we talked. I trust him, and know he was only trying to be a good friend. I am sure most of you are smirking right now thinking I am naive, but I know there is 'nothing' going on.
He apologized profusely, realizing how stupid he was. He has never cheated on me, or given me and reason to think he would. It will take us time to work through this.....
I would be in charge of all the finances from now on.No questions asked.
Two....
I would email the b*tch and let her know what I think of skanky homewreckers.
I dont care if sh*t didnt happen. Its not going to happen unless she wants to deal with me directly.
Three...
That MF husband would on a Sh*tlist with me for a time yet undecided.
Thanks for everyone's response. I did call him and we talked. I trust him, and know he was only trying to be a good friend. I am sure most of you are smirking right now thinking I am naive, but I know there is 'nothing' going on.
He apologized profusely, realizing how stupid he was. He has never cheated on me, or given me and reason to think he would. It will take us time to work through this.....
You seem to have calmed down which is good.
I don't doubt that once he gets home, things will blow up. If it doesn't, I'll be surprised.
He'll probably change his email password. Be prepared for that, and if he doesn't, will probably make a new account at a free site so that he can email her freely without you knowing.
I wish you luck. You had to be in a bad place to even snoop; been there, done that, and while I'm not proud of it, felt I had to as well. Hopefully building trust back up won't be hard for you guys.
The thing that concerns me is him paying her way. You say you are hurting, where did he get the cash from? How much total did he spend? Airfare? Hotel? Food? Is she renting a car or riding with him?
If he feels the need to have a friendship with her, he really needs to speak to her about saying she is sorry for what she did then watch her mouth after that. He needs to make it clear she does not disrespect his wife.
I would not discuss this with him when he comes home. I would be such a loving wife and pay him a surprise visit. Just couldn't stand to be away from him that long. Be sure to remove at least half of the cash from your joint account to your personal account before you leave.
Yep!!
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