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5 years ago I met a guy, who was kinda weird. I was a young, naive bartender, he was a regular customer, 8 years older than me. He would stop by every weekend and get drunk by himself. Didn't talk a lot, was very polite, protective and mysterious. Wasn't good looking, but he was smart.
Long story short, after actively pursuing me for months, we started dating. Two months later, I started falling for him (we hadn't even slept together at that point). Then, he said "I don't want to hurt you." I should have listened to these words but I laughed it off.
We continued dating but that's all it was and it became clear it won't progress. The more I pressed, the more resistant he became. He would tell me he had issues, he would tell me not now,maybe in the future. But he was still wonderful. He was a gentleman, he was taking me out, he was bringing me soup when I was sick and even food when my fridge was empty... He went shopping with one of my girlfriends to get me a perfect bday and Christmas present. he was there for me, we were couple but I wasn't his gf.
And there was this other girl that I sensed he liked. She was in a relationship but they would occasionally go out and he would bring her name up in our convo. I was jealous but made sure not to show it.
This nightmare lasted for two years during which I completely lost my self-esteem. Eventually, it was my bday and I told him not to call me ever again. He said ok. He also said "If i ever find someone stupid enough to be with me... even then you will be my little girl."
After that, I suffered like never before. I would start crying for no reason, in the middle of a conversation.
Exactly, a year later after our break up he made sure he was the first person to say "happy bday" I played it cool and just responed "Tnx" while my heart wanted to escape. He asked me if i had someone, I responded that it wasn't his business. His last words were "Ok, but I thought we were friends...."
Today, it has been 4 years since we stopped seeing each other. And, in meantime, i had two relationships. i am in a relationship now. I thought i was fine, I was over him. i was even thankful that I didn't end up with not so good looking, kinda weird, alcoholic and loner guy. And today, my friend told me he got married. Last year, he married this girl that I sensed he liked, the one who was in a relationship. He, who has issues, he who can't be in a relationship... he got married. My friend showed me their picture and something died in me. I got sick to my stomach, I got a headache and a fever.
It hurts as hell. I thought i was fine but i felt exactly like carry in sex and the city when big got married. I wanted to throw up. I am actually fb friends with his wife but she doesn't have a single picture of them or their wedding and i didn't know. Was he just passing time with me waiting on her to be single?
Either way, I have learned my lesson. For all the girls out there: if he says he doesn't know what he wants, if he says he can't be in a relationship, if he has excuse... don't listen. it is Bs. Man who loves you, would be happy to call you his gf/wife.
Cheers.
Thank you Buzhidao and BirdieBelle.... Who would have guessed, it would hurt this much after 4 years? It feels like I am going through a break up all over again. But, you are right, I am much stronger now. At that time i was truly just a little girl...
Today, it has been 4 years since we stopped seeing each other. And, in meantime, i had two relationships. i am in a relationship now. I thought i was fine, I was over him. i was even thankful that I didn't end up with not so good looking, kinda weird, alcoholic and loner guy. And today, my friend told me he got married. Last year, he married this girl that I sensed he liked, the one who was in a relationship. He, who has issues, he who can't be in a relationship... he got married. My friend showed me their picture and something died in me. I got sick to my stomach, I got a headache and a fever.
It DOES hurt.
I think the reason why you're so devastated by the news of his marriage, even though you guys split up 4 years ago, is because there was a part of you still hanging on and hoping for another chance.
The best thing you can do for yourself is to stop giving him space in your head and heart. Let him go. The longer you keep looking back towards the past, the harder it is to move on with your life.
I don't understand. Maybe if you had showed your jealousy, not been so scared to appear vulnerable, you would be married to him now? Is it possible he was waiting for someone who could be honest about how they felt about him?
It really doesn't matter now. No use crying over spilt milk. It just seems like you really loved him, but let fear hold you back. Maybe that's why he said you would still be his little girl. Opening your heart and laying your cards on the table requires a certain maturity level that you didn't seem to have yet.
No worries. There is someone for you out there. When you find him, don't be afraid to show him how you feel. And, don't be afraid to walk away if he isn't mature enough to appreciate your honesty. You aren't going to be a little girl forever.
I am sorry for what you are going through. It must be so upsetting. The best you can do is keep reminding yourself that you dodged a bullet with this guy. He's not really good husband material, so you are lucky the relationship ended. Moving forward, use what you learned in this situation to find a guy who is forthright and genuine and who puts you first.
I think the reason why you're so devastated by the news of his marriage, even though you guys split up 4 years ago, is because there was a part of you still hanging on and hoping for another chance.
The best thing you can do for yourself is to stop giving him space in your head and heart. Let him go. The longer you keep looking back towards the past, the harder it is to move on with your life.
Maybe I was thinking about it. But I also remembered thinking, even if he would suggest being together again, it would mean he is lonely, didn't find anyone, is settling...
You just don't let someone you love go for no obvious reason. So, I kind of knew it... And I haven't been thinking about him in a while. After him, I think I was in love. The guy after him was wonderful, and the exact opposite. He introduced me to everyone as his gf, we were planning to move in together (but we were long distance so it fell apart). I don't think I thought about this married guy for a second that year.
I don't understand. Maybe if you had showed your jealousy, not been so scared to appear vulnerable, you would be married to him now? Is it possible he was waiting for someone who could be honest about how they felt about him?
It really doesn't matter now. No use crying over spilt milk. It just seems like you really loved him, but let fear hold you back. Maybe that's why he said you would still be his little girl. Opening your heart and laying your cards on the table requires a certain maturity level that you didn't seem to have yet.
No worries. There is someone for you out there. When you find him, don't be afraid to show him how you feel. And, don't be afraid to walk away if he isn't mature enough to appreciate your honesty. You aren't going to be a little girl forever.
That part is probably I will never know. I tried million time to understand what is that he didn't like about me. I didnt mention this in my original post not to make it too complicated. There was a girl actually I was jealous about and he knew it. He would reassure me hundred times that there was nothing between them .I once told him that he would probably be with her if she was single but he denied it.
But the fact that he told be early on that he didn't want to hurt me means he knew from the very beginning he didn't want to commit to me. At that point, I don't think that i could have done anything wrong. It was just innocent dating, a night out for drinks and or dinner. We haven't even slept together at that point.
I am sorry for what you are going through. It must be so upsetting. The best you can do is keep reminding yourself that you dodged a bullet with this guy. He's not really good husband material, so you are lucky the relationship ended. Moving forward, use what you learned in this situation to find a guy who is forthright and genuine and who puts you first.
Maybe he is a good husband material for her. He married her probably after only a year of dating. we broke up in 2014. He kept texting me here and there throughout 2015 and even 2016 and was hinting to meet me. All that stopped in 2017/end of 2016- probably when got together. But she was friends with his entire family, even when she was in a relationship with this other guy. And they all loved her and i think, they also wanted him to marry her (they all share the same Russian background and speak the same language).
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