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Old 08-17-2008, 09:14 AM
 
943 posts, read 3,501,829 times
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My fiance is pretty skilled with hair. She is not interested in doing it as a career or making money off of it. She does not mind doing it for children in her family or mine because they are kids, but in general she does not like to do it. Every time she visits my mother's house she is asked to do something to someones hair (4 different females in the house). She sort of put it on herself by saying "anytime" the first time she braided my younger sisters hair, but I still feel my family is taking advantage of her and I am a bit embarrassed to be honest. I don't want to say anything to them and they think that she is talking through me and get upset at her, besides she "says" she does not mind. I just don't like the fact that she can't just visit their house without being asked to do something to someones hair. Has anyone else experienced this? How did you deal with it?
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Old 08-17-2008, 09:19 AM
 
Location: Tennessee
16,225 posts, read 20,656,132 times
Reputation: 23956
If she doesn`t want to cut their hair, then she needs to be the one to tell them. She shouldn`t keep telling them that she doesn`t mind doing it, if its something that she really doesn`t want to do. Honesty, is the best advice I can give you.
Besides, it should make her feel good to know that your family likes the way she cuts their hair.
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Old 08-17-2008, 09:28 AM
 
8,416 posts, read 32,470,649 times
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Im that person. I really dont care. I love to do it. Its like a hobby and you can only cut your own so much. Plus its awesome to see the persons eyes light up and say they are not going back to a salon anymore because mine was better. Them bugging me for cuts proves thats not wrong. And then they tell me stories about people liking the cut. Which is a nice warm fuzzy feeling. And then they start sending thier friends. LOL

But I think its a good thing. I am pondering to add it to me " to do" list of things for school. I would of never thought of that or saw how much fun it was unless I had people to practice on.

the only time I turned it down was when my s.o.'s elderly rich stern boss asked me to cut his hair. He is a perfectionist and very cold...So I said I didnt want to do it because I couldnt handle messing it up. He smiled and asked again..And I said No no no NO!

ANd no he wasnt hitting on me. But its not like its hard to say "no" is what I am getting at.
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Old 08-17-2008, 09:33 AM
 
424 posts, read 959,146 times
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I think you should leave it alone. As your fiancee, she'll be a member of the family soon and this is a great way for her to bond with everyone. Be happy that she's found a way to connect, so many in-laws never do.
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Old 08-17-2008, 02:02 PM
 
28,906 posts, read 41,759,629 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ogplife View Post
My fiance is pretty skilled with hair. She is not interested in doing it as a career or making money off of it. She does not mind doing it for children in her family or mine because they are kids, but in general she does not like to do it. Every time she visits my mother's house she is asked to do something to someones hair (4 different females in the house). She sort of put it on herself by saying "anytime" the first time she braided my younger sisters hair, but I still feel my family is taking advantage of her and I am a bit embarrassed to be honest. I don't want to say anything to them and they think that she is talking through me and get upset at her, besides she "says" she does not mind. I just don't like the fact that she can't just visit their house without being asked to do something to someones hair. Has anyone else experienced this? How did you deal with it?
The first time they do it, it's their fault. The second time they do it, it's her fault.
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Old 08-17-2008, 02:34 PM
 
1,885 posts, read 3,773,717 times
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Nip this in the bud now! Not bash'n your family, but my in-laws are the same way....a little different though as it deals w/guys.

If your family will help her/you out down the road, it's worth doing; if not tell them no. I helped build my in-laws house, nights and weekends. They knew we were going to add on to ours and said they would help. 3yrs later when we did ours, they were always busy or didn't want to drive that far. Next time they asked for my help I told them no, they asked again, I said no. I didn't give a reason I just said no.

Women are different, as you already know. Your in a tough spot, your dealing w/women and that is touchy.

Could they cook something for you guys? Cake, pie, what ever your wife likes?

Congrats on the engagement. Sounds like your a lucky guy. Here is to it lasting forever...cheers. "clank"(sound of beer cans hitting)
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Old 08-17-2008, 02:53 PM
 
943 posts, read 3,501,829 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Capt. Cave Man View Post
Nip this in the bud now! Not bash'n your family, but my in-laws are the same way....a little different though as it deals w/guys.

If your family will help her/you out down the road, it's worth doing; if not tell them no. I helped build my in-laws house, nights and weekends. They knew we were going to add on to ours and said they would help. 3yrs later when we did ours, they were always busy or didn't want to drive that far. Next time they asked for my help I told them no, they asked again, I said no. I didn't give a reason I just said no.

Women are different, as you already know. Your in a tough spot, your dealing w/women and that is touchy.

Could they cook something for you guys? Cake, pie, what ever your wife likes?

Congrats on the engagement. Sounds like your a lucky guy. Here is to it lasting forever...cheers. "clank"(sound of beer cans hitting)
My family has and will do a lot for me. There has not been many situations for them to do for her directly, but they have done for her when the situation has come up (birthdays, christmas,etc). Its not that they won't do for her. I just don't feel she should have to do someones hair every time she "visits". She is a guest. I know if I were in her shoes I would stop wanting to visit eventually. I just don't want it to ever get to that point. Anyway thanks for the kind words.
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Old 08-17-2008, 03:04 PM
 
1,885 posts, read 3,773,717 times
Reputation: 2646
Quote:
Originally Posted by ogplife View Post
My family has and will do a lot for me. There has not been many situations for them to do for her directly, but they have done for her when the situation has come up (birthdays, christmas,etc). Its not that they won't do for her. I just don't feel she should have to do someones hair every time she "visits". She is a guest. I know if I were in her shoes I would stop wanting to visit eventually. I just don't want it to ever get to that point. Anyway thanks for the kind words.

Tell your family this. Sounds like you have a great family and I'm sure they'll understand. Talk to your Dad or Mom first, or a close sister. Talk to your wife too.

Your family sounds great, just talk to them. Your family wants you and your wife to be happy and not be a burden.

I'd also like you to look into some marriage books. His needs/her needs by W. Harley. He has a few books worth reading. I have mine on the back of the "crapper", wish I had them 15yrs ago. Also, who moved my cheese by spencer, just a good, quick read.

Good luck, og, this is where life really begins.
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Old 08-17-2008, 03:27 PM
 
Location: Incognito
7,002 posts, read 17,229,784 times
Reputation: 5393
Tell her do do a Mohawk on one of them, I bet they will start bugging her.
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Old 08-17-2008, 04:29 PM
 
Location: USA
1,881 posts, read 3,805,748 times
Reputation: 1948
Speak up for her. She's not a slave. Yes, she should be able to do this herself; but oftentimes, when a girl meets her potential in-laws, she wants to be liked. She will go along with things even when she really doesn't feel comfortable.
The fact that it makes you uncomfortable, is reason enough to speak up.

This is a great opportunity for you to set a precedent here - letting your family of origin know that your fiance is not here to meet their needs.

Nip this sort of thing in the bud early. You said you were afraid they would think it came from her --- sounds like there is some hostility on their parts already existing --- which is even MORE reason to speak up.
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