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[quote=millie61;4901185]So are you saying you dont trust yourself ? thats how you made it sound[/quote
Let me say I am not married but I would not appreciate my bf going out by himself with an ugly girl nevermind attractive. It is just disrespectful. I wouldn't do it. I would try to get a group together. I trust myself I am a loyal person. Picture being with this attractrive or unattractive person everyday and having lunch with them something would eventually happen. It might not be me or you but 7 or 8 times out ten something will happen.
HOBOKEN, that's why I said that the OP needs to be able to keep his libido in check (CPCG mentioned that before). It's OK to think of others as attractive, as long as you don't "make a pass" at that other attractive person, as you put it.
Well then CINDY, I may say that you yourself are having this issue, and that YOU alone need to fix it. If you canNOT go to lunch with ANYONE that you find attractive, then you may want to ask yourself why YOU can't handle that. You seem not to be able to trust yourself, and if that's the case, then you shouldn't be in ANY relationship, let alone married.
What if your boss and all your male coworkers happen to be candidates of Mr. Universe, and they all want to go to lunch to discuss business issues, and you happen to be the only female working in that department? Would you jeopardize your career and NOT go to lunch w/ all of them because gosh forbid, you cannot go to lunch w/ anyone attractive w/o you wanting to "jump your you know what" on their you know what?
This is a group of people and not just one. It is not personal. It will be work related and not considered a date. So, yeah I would go. Work realted lunches with the office and a couple going to lunch who think one another is attractive are two different things.
HOBOKEN, that's why I said that the OP needs to be able to keep his libido in check (CPCG mentioned that before). It's OK to think of others as attractive, as long as you don't "make a pass" at that other attractive person, as you put it.
I agree with that - just found his initial post to be full of red flags. In that case it's best avoided IMHO.
<< shrugs>>, it's really his choice what he decides to do.
[quote=sms0511;4901375]HOBOKEN, that's why I said that the OP needs to be able to keep his libido in check (CPCG mentioned that before). It's OK to think of others as attractive, as long as you don't "make a pass" at that other attractive person, as you put it.[/quote
I agree with you on this. It is of cousre okay to find other people attractive. It is when you are alone with them is where the problem lies. Yes, your libidi would have to be in check. As I said before though I would not touch it with a ten foot pole. If it was a group thing it would be better off even if it was all men. Just not alone. That is really all I am trying to say.
HOBOKEN, that's why I said that the OP needs to be able to keep his libido in check (CPCG mentioned that before). It's OK to think of others as attractive, as long as you don't "make a pass" at that other attractive person, as you put it.[/quote
I agree with you on this. It is of cousre okay to find other people attractive. It is when you are alone with them is where the problem lies. Yes, your libidi would have to be in check. As I said before though I would not touch it with a ten foot pole. If it was a group thing it would be better off even if it was all men. Just not alone. That is really all I am trying to say.
Like I said before, what if you have no choice but to work with this one person that just happens to be attractive? Are you going to quit/ jeopardize your career by not doing meetings/ lunches/ etc. (that you would have done with any other coworker) JUST because you may "lose control" of your libido? IF this is the case, then the problem is with you, and that if this is your case, then (I'm sorry to say this) you shouldn't be in any relationship of any sort until you learn how to handle your attractions w/ other people of opposite gender w/o having to compromise your career.
A lady I met at one of my classes, came up to me afterwords and invited me to lunch. She thought I had such good ideas in class that she wanted to discuss them with me over a meal.
I thought it was so incredibly bold to come up to me and ask me to lunch with so little upfront interaction.
Being middle aged and married, I was also a little impressed that a very pretty woman fifteen years younger than me would think I am interesting and was easy to talk to. At this point it is just at the email stage. She is married too.
Any time someone is attractive and younger the sexual side comes into play doesn't it, even if there was no impression on her part that this would be an issue. Maybe she just wanted to communicate with someone new.
What is your impression?
When you get married (you as anybody) you should know that throughout the rest of your life you will have people around you that will find you attractive and that will also happen to your spouse. Although you're married, some people are very disrespectful to your marital status and try something, that is when you come in and make it clear that nothing is going to happen.
Just smile to yourself and hey! just notice that "you still got it!" and walk away.
I have to say that it is great and very honest of you that you told your wife about it, and I completly disagree with other comments that were said about telling your wife that that other person is attractive and younger, why would anyone say that to their spouse? No way! unless she asks you of course!
Even though married, we are still human and we can look and think or feel attraction to others, but that is all.
About that girl, asking if you could go to lunch with her, in my opinion is a big NO NO, It is great that you told your wife about it (she has the right to know), nicely just tell her that e-mail these days works great for communication. Just keep that also very limited and super business ONLY!
Like I said before, what if you have no choice but to work with this one person that just happens to be attractive? Are you going to quit/ jeopardize your career by not doing meetings/ lunches/ etc. (that you would have done with any other coworker) JUST because you may "lose control" of your libido? IF this is the case, then the problem is with you, and that if this is your case, then (I'm sorry to say this) you shouldn't be in any relationship of any sort until you learn how to handle your attractions w/ other people of opposite gender w/o having to compromise your career.
Ach, this is just silly. No-one is saying this at all and I don't really see how you are making the jump from the original subject to this which are two completely different situations.
What do you mean do I find my girlfriends attractive ???
we were talking about a married man going out with a single female he thought was attractive......you were comparing that to going out with your girlfriends....hence my question
Go for it! Nothing can hurt by going to have lunch with someone else. It will broaden your mind and realize there is life while you are still married!
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Go for it!
