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It depends on whether he regretted it or not. If he was truly sorry and ashamed that he had resorted to cheating I might give him a chance. If he wasn't sorry and saw it as no big deal to cheat on "her" then I'm sure he will think it's no big deal to cheat on me. For the most part once I hear "cheater" I know I'm dealing with someone who may be able to look me right in my face--and lie.
Cheating implies their partner at the time not knowing/approving of it, and I really have never seen the point of cheating, the only reason I could see a person cheating is selfishness. They would like to experience something else before officially ending their current relationship. So yes, it would bother me somewhat, though hopefully it was something related to them being young and immature (most of us do stupid & hurtful things when we first start out in the world). If it was with a very recent partner, I'd have some bigger concerns. With all that said I do think it's a big plus if someone is honest and tells you if they have cheated in the past, seeing as how they could easily lie, at least they are willing to share that and risk rejection. So that would play a big role in my feelings, whether they told me or whether I found out some other way.
Cheating implies their partner at the time not knowing/approving of it, and I really have never seen the point of cheating, the only reason I could see a person cheating is selfishness. They would like to experience something else before officially ending their current relationship. So yes, it would bother me somewhat, though hopefully it was something related to them being young and immature (most of us do stupid & hurtful things when we first start out in the world). If it was with a very recent partner, I'd have some bigger concerns. With all that said I do think it's a big plus if someone is honest and tells you if they have cheated in the past, seeing as how they could easily lie, at least they are willing to share that and risk rejection. So that would play a big role in my feelings, whether they told me or whether I found out some other way.
So, if your SO were to have a cheating history, would you feel better if he/she told you, or otherwise? Now, here's another twist: what if your SO simply "forgets" about so-and-so that he was dating waaaaaay back in the day and then cheated just days before he/she broke up with his/her SO at that time -- and then you found out from his/her friend, when the friend, "Oh yeah, there was that one time when your SO went out w/ another guy/ chick while he/ she was near breaking up w/ so and so..."?
Well, IMHO my wife told me she cheated on an ex because he cheated first. We talked about it and I do admit it kind of raised a flag, she said that was long ago when she was 17 years old. But based on the level in which we carry our relationship and the kind of straight forward person she is, I don't think I will have any problems with this issue in the near future.
Well, IMHO my wife told me she cheated on an ex because he cheated first. We talked about it and I do admit it kind of raised a flag, she said that was long ago when she was 17 years old. But based on the level in which we carry our relationship and the kind of straight forward person she is, I don't think I will have any problems with this issue in the near future.
Oh, well, in that case, you're right. It would different if she did it with the most recent ex, I presume?
it would raise a concern for me, i would want to hear the circumstances, listen carefully to the story and how the person told it, what led up to it, what happened afterwards, how they felt about it then, how they feel about it now.
if they haven't changed a whit since then and are bragging about it, that's a red flag. I also have to be honest about my own motivation in being with the person: am i trying to "save" them, am i trying to "fix" them, am i going to be the one they "never" cheat on because I "understand" them and no one else does. Those are red flags to.
So, if your SO were to have a cheating history, would you feel better if he/she told you, or otherwise? Now, here's another twist: what if your SO simply "forgets" about so-and-so that he was dating waaaaaay back in the day and then cheated just days before he/she broke up with his/her SO at that time -- and then you found out from his/her friend, when the friend, "Oh yeah, there was that one time when your SO went out w/ another guy/ chick while he/ she was near breaking up w/ so and so..."?
Maybe if they were 80? I don't know about the rest of you, but I clearly remember all the guys I've been in a relationship with, not counting people I went on just a few dates with. So, there's not an excuse for forgetting. Like I said, if they were young and stupid, I can understand, but if they were mature and decent at the time, there should have been no excuse to cheat. I can understand meeting someone before you have ended a relationship, but that doesn't mean you have to actually go out with them (or more!) before the first relationship is ended. I've never cheated on someone so I do not know all the reasons/feelings that go through their head, but I certainly have had opportunities to get involved with someone else before a prior relationship was officially ended (for example being separated for 2 years prior to a divorce being finalized), and I chose not to. I have always felt that I would rather be done with a relationship before starting a new one.
I don't condemn people in general for cheating, they have their reasons, heck I've been the other woman a couple of times (one of those times the guy had told his gf he wanted to see other people, she just didn't agree. He ended up breaking up with her, which I think should have been done before hand, but anyhow, we had a casual relationship, if we had been seriously dating when I found out, I would have been a lot more upset).
I guess it just really depends on the circumstances. I can't really give a complete answer as I can't recall any of my past partners (serious relationships) telling me they had cheated in the past, but I'm sure some of them did (I heard through the grapevine that one cheated on me at least).
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never cheated on him and never will :d
