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For those of you who were inspired by MoMark, I wanted to let you know that I was the friend he was referring to and he was the best friend any person could ask for. I must tell you that I would not have made it through these last couple months without him.
Now I regret to tell you, that MoMark passed away on Mothers Day. His friends and family are still shocked and dealing with the loss of such an amazing human being. I am not sure where I will be without him in my life, but I know that I must continue to be the type of person he would want me to be.
His sister and mother found a wonderful small church to bury him in MO and planted a red maple in his honor. For those of you who do not know him, MoMark was a tall, slender, red headed man and so the red maple is perfect for him.
For those of you that were touched by him, please take a moment to hug someone close to you. I will forever miss my best friend!
I remember him talking about you, he was really worried, and would have done anything for you, we all thought that he was so sweet.
You are very lucky to have known him up close and more personal then all of us. He has touched so many of our hearts, and we will miss him dearly. I hope all is well with you, and if you need to talk to any of us we have many a good ear, and a shoulder to cry on. You need to take care of yourself, and you know what MoMark wanted you to do. Take care and if you need anything let us know.
Location: Boonies of Georgia ~~~~ nuttier than a squirrel turd !
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DogLover66
For those of you who were inspired by MoMark, I wanted to let you know that I was the friend he was referring to and he was the best friend any person could ask for. I must tell you that I would not have made it through these last couple months without him.
Now I regret to tell you, that MoMark passed away on Mothers Day. His friends and family are still shocked and dealing with the loss of such an amazing human being. I am not sure where I will be without him in my life, but I know that I must continue to be the type of person he would want me to be.
His sister and mother found a wonderful small church to bury him in MO and planted a red maple in his honor. For those of you who do not know him, MoMark was a tall, slender, red headed man and so the red maple is perfect for him.
For those of you that were touched by him, please take a moment to hug someone close to you. I will forever miss my best friend!
DogLover66,
I will miss Matt so much. He was such an inspiring and humorous person !
I was in shock to learn of this news yesterday. I spent the whole day thinking about him and his family, and what I (we) could do to memoralize him. I see CD has done a wonderful job in doing so.
I have just bought a new house and will be doing some gardening soon. I will also be planting some trees in rememberance of loved ones I've lost recently (6 personally). If it is not out of line, I would also like to plant a red maple in memory of him.
Please give me your feeling on doing so.
To repeat everyones feelings. My condolences go out to everyone close to him. He was a special man. I will miss him!
theqbaby
In follow up, I think anything that any one of you want to do to honor MoMark (Matt's) memory would be fine. I love that his family choose a red maple, not only for Matt's red hair and height, but because it is beautiful and strong. So if anyone wants to do that, I think he would look down on it and smile!
I know that many of you got to know me through Matt's comments and what he shared. Although I know that he did this out of love for me, I have to admit when I first came across this thread and knew this was MY story, I was shocked. But I know that he did this out of love and caring for me, so I am fine with it.
To let you know, my divorce is now final. My ex has already practically moved in with my next door neighbor (who was supposed to be my friend). My neighbors have rallied around me, but all knew that this had in fact been going on for some time. Both my ex and my neighbor deny this; they state they were only friends. He has severed all ties with me, but does still stay in contact with our adult daughter, so I am happy about that. I still hurt. I am still shocked. I am still dealing with the loss of the relationship and the loss of trust. Now, I have the added loss of Matt's death.
Although the house remains my property, I have determined living here is not in my best interest. So, as of Friday I put the house up for sale and I will be moving on. Luckily I work for a company that allows me to work from anywhere, so there is no reason to remain here surrounded by the bad memories.
I will now concentrate on continuing to heal, continuing to be the person that Matt saw me as, and continuing to develop as a human being. Now is a time that I can be selfish and take care of me for a change. My daughter is in college and doing well (although the divorce is VERY difficult for her, especially knowing her father already has a replacement family), so she no longer needs me as much. My ex has already moved on. So now is the time to take care of my health, my heart, my dogs (of which I kept three and my ex got two) and just enjoy life.
As I am sure you know, Matt found my lawyer (actually calling every lawyer in my city and interviewing them!). He was great. The lawyer was able to get my ex to agree to take 1/2 of the debt and to continue paying for our daughters college and maintenance. I kept the houses, furnishings, etc. So although financially I still have a mess to clean up, it isn't nearly as bad at I was afraid it was going to be.
Now I just hope that I can sell my house in this horrible market and move on to a place where I have family and friends. I will also plant a red maple in memory of Matt at my home in Texas, since that will be the home I hope to retire to some day. I will also continue to find the humor in life and know that no matter what I was loved by a very special person, Matt. He ended every phone call and every email with "I am sending you a big hug until your eyes bulge out" and whenever I think of that, I can almost feel his arms around me!
Thank you all for being there for him, while he was trying to be there for me. I wish you all could have known him the way that I did. As the over 6 ft, thin, red haired man doing cart wheels down the halls at work. As the man who always laughed so hard he made everyone around him laugh! As the man who loved German chocolate cake and could eat an entire one in a sitting. As the man who knew the true meaning of friendship. He was animated, emotional, fearless, loving and gorgeous inside and out!
Location: Lots of sun and palm trees with occasional hurricane :)
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Doglover66.
I got to read a couple of MoMark's (that's his name for me) posts about you. I am pretty sure I put my 2 cents in them also because I felt like whacking that ex of yours just from reading MoMark's posts.
I want to thank you for updating us on your personal situation. I know you worried him and on a couple of ocassions I wanted to PM him and ask how things were going with his best friend but I didn't want to "intrude" on information he didn't offer directly.
You sound like a wonderful and very classy person and it's no wonder that you and MoMark had such a great bond. It's obvious to me.
Please take care of yourself. In the grand scheme of things, everything happens for a good reason. My best wishes to you.
DogLover66, I'm so glad that things are working out relatively well for you. God bless Matt! It doesn't surprise me at all that he went out of his way like that to help you. He was such an amazing person with varied interests. We will all miss him here; I can only imagine how you must be feeling. Thank you for sharing the parts of him we can't see in cyberspace (the cartwheels, etc.)! I can just see him flipping lots of cartwheels up in Heaven now!
Do You Stay In An Unhappy Marriage For The Sake Of Your Children
I am not sure if i am posting this in the right place, first time here. I am a 25 year old f - and i have been married for 6 years next week. I married when i was 19 and had first baby at age of 20 - we have 2 children together - both girls and they are 4 yo and 2 yo - I am so unhappy in my marriage, it has just completely detoriated over the last couple years. I have been so VERBALLY abused over the last couple of years, and it has completely torn me apart. Every time we argue he is always degrating me and my family and putting me down, name calling ect. He does not understand why i feel the way that i do. He thinks that once he apologizes everything is just fine and thats it, done and over with. I am sorry but i cant let go. this has been going on for years, and i just finally got to the point that i can not cry about it any more. I just feel sickened. I know for a FACT that if i did not have children i would absolutely be divorced and would not have tolerated the verbal abuse for as long as i have. I have tried to explain to him that i do NOT need to tolerate this kind of behavior from him. He does drink sometimes and this adds fuel to the fire. I ABSOLUTELY have NO TOLERANCE for him when he is drunk, i cant stand him to be by me, not to look at him when he is like that.. I guess my point is, there have been so many nights i stayed up and cried b/c i did not want him to leave me, i didnt not want a divoce and all that, but know i am at the point. I just am miserable. He annoys me, i dont want him to touch me, look at me, nothing. So what it boils down for me is that i guess i need to know that i would not be ruining my girls lifes for leaving. I know it will absolutely change them. but they are MY NUMBER 1 priority and i just want them to be safe and in a happy home. I have tried so hard to make my self happy and say "HEY this is your life, you have kids with this man, deal with it" i just cant change the way i feel. i tried and i am at wits end. My biggest thing is to, that i could not imagine seeing my girls every day and for me to "do that to him" hurts me. I know they are the world to him as they are to me. I know i would be w/o them at times when they would be with him. but i would have them maj. of time i guess.. i am just worried as to how he would be w/ o seeing them everysingle day after work and all that... so is it my happiness or the kids having 2 parents married and living in the same house. Thanks for any advice anyone can give. I did try to get him to go to counceling and his answer was "we cant afford it".....
How do you think you will be able to deal with an unreasonable person after the divorce? I always wonder why women complain about lack of payment, missed custody days, uncooperativeness with a man that they could not get to take out the garbage?
Now off the soap box I come, look married 25 years, many of them wondering what if, a few with him not so mature, I think I raised him the first 3 or 4 years. I know as the years have passed I am not the same person i was on my wedding day. I do know when things were rough, I dug in and got myself occupied with school. Even if I could only afford to take one class it gave me new direction, and when the pressure was off him to occupy my time we got along better. Now with so many classes online your opportunities are endless. Just do not be so available to be bullied or yelled at. I know, sounds like I am blaming the victum but often we must be carefull how much leaving advice we give. Some spouses are very dangerous. Ok thanks for listening, and good luck!
NABH- Wow, your story is so similar I feel like I could have written it. I was married at 19 , he and I had 2 kids and were married for 6 years before it ended.We were fine for a few years but the last couple of years were the exact kind of misery you are describing. I had made up my mind that I was staying "for the kids". In the end I did'nt get to make the decision-my husband gave up and left. Later he admitted that he was so unhappy due to the wear and tear of our constant fighting and waking up every day in a what had become a toxic relationship. We were forever verbally abusing each other.
I have now been divorced for 3 and 1/2 years. I am happier now and thankful that he left, even though at the time it ripped my heart out. There are still days when it's hard to believe that was the same lifetime.
That being said, I still (in most cases) would encourage couples to try EVERYTHING to make it work. Divorce is not the cure all people imagine.Here are a couple things to think about (I wish I would have)
1.I picked at my husband over every annoying character flaw he had. I guess I had the notion that every other man on earth must be better. Not the case. It turns out the all come with their own set of problems. Now I just have to find someone with ones I can handle.
2. After I got over the crushing news that he was leaving I thought "this is hard, but at least I'll be rid of him". Not the case, he is a permanant fixture in my life from now on. We have to tolerate being around each other for every single event in the lives of our children.My ex even has a legal say so in other things, such as how many miles away from him I am required to live for his visitation purposes. If he does something with the kids during his visitation (for example letting them watch tv shows that make me blush) that I don't agree with- I have no say so unless it is literally putting them in danger.
3. I am usually ready for a break when the kids go to their dads every other weekend, But it is SO hard to spend holidays without them from them. I have to accept that I will spend every other Thanksgiving,Christmas, etc without them.
A few pros to consider
1. I find my children to be more content after the divorce. Even though their time is split between to homes they are spending time with 2 happy parents vs. 2 bitter ones. Now I can't imagine the toll that living in that situation year after year would have taken on them.
2. For the most this has forced my ex to step up to the plate and be a better parent. Sounds strange but when we were married he did very little with the kids and rarely helped take care of them. He viewed those things as my job.Now when they visit him he has full responsiblity for them and the result is a closer relationship with his children.
3. I get the chance to start over in relationships and someday have one that makes me content.
Sorry for the long post, but this is a HUGE decision in the lives of your family.
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In Memory of MoMark
He was such an amazing person with varied interests. We will all miss him here; I can only imagine how you must be feeling. Thank you for sharing the parts of him we can't see in cyberspace (the cartwheels, etc.)! I can just see him flipping lots of cartwheels up in Heaven now!
