The Ex and Phone Sex

[SanAntoQT]

Originally Posted by sierraAZ

I think in most cases just one wants to "explore" and the other one goes along because of the fear of losing him/her.

These are the relationships that tend to fall apart. The one who "goes along" usually ends up resentful and the other feels cheated when they find out their partner was just "along for the ride."

Originally Posted by Raggy dee Ann

Nope, some do it because they want to and some are adventurous enough to suggest it and even initiate it.

Most definitely!

[MrChicago]

I would say leave it be as you and him going out again but help him and just maybe he is in that type of stuff its his own option,but at the same time maybe you stumbled on someone else addiction not his?

[smiley11]

My ex and I used to have phone sex and it is also long distance, The same reasons apply and we are close,etc but the long distance was not working. I enjoyed the phone sex and so did he but it was not good for us and kept us attached. Recently, he told me that he ended up at an orgy. I told him some things about me too. He felt he could trust me as I did him. I do not judge him nor does he me but we are definitely no longer having phone sex or seeing each other.

[Woof Woof Woof!]

Originally Posted by Dazed&Confuzed

Okay, so I feel awkward enough already posting this here, but I don't know who to ask for an unbiased opinion.

My ex and I broke up about a year ago, but we still see each other and when we do we still have sex. I haven't been with anyone else since him and he hasn't either nor can he w/o knowing someone very well because of his (immune) disease. We still have feelings for each other and we very close and would probably still be together if not married if we lived in the same city, which is the reason behind the split.

Either way, I stayed at his house this past week and used his computer and found out that he's heavily involved in phone sex. When I say heavily, I mean he spend upwards of $300/month. It is some website where you join and there's a "library" of people that you can choose from regarding any fantasy, fetish, situation, or whatever you want. What baffles me though is the people he pays for are women he would not go out with-therefore I would take that to mean he's not attracted to them at all.

So here's the kicker-the majority of the people he chooses to call are transexuals and shemales. Does this mean he's become bi-sexual? I don't get it. He's never dated anything but thin, attractive women, so this is really different from anyone from his past. I really am not angry at him, and I really am not trying to be rude or judgmental, but if this is who he chooses to fantasize about being with sexually, I don't want to go down that road with him again. Of course I will remain his friend, but any sort of intimacy would have to be cut off.

Three things:

1) Why are you having sex with your ex? How sad that you are not able to move on and find someone else who is serious about you.

2) Your ex sounds like a sex addict. No idea why he likes transexuals, but why do you care? He is out of your life. Stop focusing on him and get a life of your own.

3) Women (and I assume you are a woman) cannot stay friends with a man they a) used to date, and b) are still sleeping with. You are deluding yourself and for some reason, can't seem to let go of this guy.

Something you need to understand about men. When a man breaks up with a women, he will do/say what he needs in order to have access to the free sex. A man has a difficult time going without sex. This is why men stay "friends" with their ex girlfriends -- to keep having sex with them. Meanwhile women stay "friends" because they can't let go and keep dreaming something is going to changes. It's a well worn path you are trodding.

[1979]

Originally Posted by Dazed&Confuzed

So here's the kicker-the majority of the people he chooses to call are transexuals and shemales. Does this mean he's become bi-sexual? I don't get it. He's never dated anything but thin, attractive women, so this is really different from anyone from his past. I really am not angry at him, and I really am not trying to be rude or judgmental, but if this is who he chooses to fantasize about being with sexually, I don't want to go down that road with him again. Of course I will remain his friend, but any sort of intimacy would have to be cut off.

This DEFINETLY, does NOT mean he's bisexual or gay. It just means he's a little kinky. She-males almost never go with a gay guy. They almost exclusively go with straight guys. A lot of them look quite convincing as "females" and have that side that understands a man a little better than your average woman. If you discuss it with him, don't put him on the defense.