8 months pregnant and have a potentially abusive husband

[himain]

Is this a serious post???

[Movie Lover]

Originally Posted by himain

Is this a serious post???

I was thinking the exact same thing.

[Artsywoman]

Originally Posted by Broderhol

First of all, thank you for taking the time to read this. I am truly lost and would sincerely appreciate positive feedback.

My husband and I (married for one year) met four years ago. Three months into our relationship he told me that he loved me and then fooled around with his roommate a few days later. I convinced him that he wanted to be with me, and we got back together. Nearly two years later we hit a rough patch. The end result was during an argument over the remote control (yes, seriously) I lost my temper and called him a name while hitting him on the back as he walked by me. I walked away from him and he through a small coffee plate at my thigh. It hit me so hard that I fell to the ground, and lost it emotionally. The bruises that resulted were pretty bad and for some reason I couldn't walk well for the next few days. I was a cause of this, so I didn't leave him. During the same summer, I caught him beginning a "fling" with a girl that he worked with. She clearly didn't know that I existed. I demanded that he change his number. I almost left, but didn't. He didn't wan t to lose me. He hasn't thrown anything at me since that summer, but he has begun punching holes in doors and he blames his anger on migraines. I have had it with his anger problems and want to leave, but I also want to make the marriage work. On the other hand, I also believe that I deserve better and I could get better, but our baby girl will grow up without her father in her home. I'm clueless as to what is the right thing at this point. I get very frustrated because he's been given medication for 1.5 years for ADD symptoms (can't make decisions, losing jobs, really slow in general, can't follow through with things, etc.) but cannot remember to take his medication- or just won't. I've tried being his "mom" to get him to take it and that's #1 not working and #2 not what I want to be. To complicate things he also suffers from migraines but he refuses to take that medication as well. He lacks the ability or the desire to see a neurologist. I am getting to the point where if he gets a migraine, and does nothing to prevent it, that I don't care. I know it sounds horrible. He needs to help himself.

To back track just a little...earlier this summer he got mad at me for I don't remember what and punched a hole through our door. In the middle of the summer he got mad and punched hall closet doors. This evening he became mad because I was upset that he didn't follow through AGAIN (keep in mind I'm not yelling at him, just irritated which I feel I have the right to be) and he punched a hole in our bedroom closet. He is now at the ER with his father because I need some space. I have a baby girl coming into this world and I don't want her to be subjected to this behavior and/or learn anything from it.

I do love my husband, but sometimes I wonder if I should have left a long time ago. Now I'm wondering if I should leave before the baby has to deal with his anger too. I can't help anyone that clearly doesn't want to be helped. I have helped him get counseling- he quits or doesn't make the phone calls. He has meds- he won't take them. We've done couples counseling with no great result. I don't know what else I can do without stressing myself out much further. I'm also worried that he might throw something at me again or hit me. How do I know if he's considered abusive or not?

Hi, I am sorry you have to deal with this. I left an abusive boyfriend about nine months ago. He basically acted very similar to your husband. I am not saying they are exactly the same, but after experiencing abuse (Cycle of Abuse) and going to support groups, and reading alot about domestic violence, I know the basic warning signs and behaviors. It took me ten times to leave my ex. I finally decided to take back my life and decided to relocate to another state, because he would have persuaded me to go back again. I left when he was still in Jail. He would be fine for a week then go off on me. I won't tell you to just leave him, because its not that easy. I hate when people say things and do not realize how difficult it is. I would definitely suggest calling the DV office in your city or state and they can help you with many things. They helped me a lot in VA. I am not a professional, but I would say be very careful and have what they call a "safety plan" before you leave. The abuser becomes very angry and violent when you leave. He sounds quite dangerous and untrustworthy to be honest. A counselor can give you more information about this. Here are some helpful sites. www.abusivelove.com, www.abuse101.com, www.youarenotcrazy.com, and of course contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline. You can find it doing a google search. Good luck and write back if you want to.

[mommy to b]

i really wanted to knw..did u left him??
coz m also sailin in same boat..do share..

[hatgirl007]

Dude sounds like an emotional wreck. I know you don't want to raise a child without their father but what type of life will your baby girl have watching her mother being abused or living in fear of "setting him off" at any given moment. If he's hitting walls now, he'll be hitting you next. For your safety, it sounds like you need to leave. This is a dangerous situation.

[robertpolyglot]

This thread is really untimely. The kid from this pregnancy is now about 4 years old.

Abuse is never a surprise. The "rose colored" glasses were on for a good deal of the time and something triggered them to come off.

[jennaflorrie]

Did she leave?

[virgode]

Originally Posted by jennaflorrie

Did she leave?

You can only hope so. Its from 2008, lot of them never return to update.