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09-06-2008, 04:26 PM
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Member
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Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: NPR, FL
33 posts, read 29,731 times
Reputation: 23
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Friends ex came onto me
Long story but I'll try and make it as brief as possible. A friend of mine ended his long self destructive relationship months ago. Not as much ended it, it was more like the dying star finally collapsed onto itself. His ex started calling me to "talk" after it happened and I was hesitant but listened because I legitimately felt bad for her. I felt like I was doing something wrong and was uneasy. This accumulated until one night she asked me to come over. I knew I shouldn't have but I did anyway. I suspected she had ulterior reasons and called many friends and family members wondering if I was panicking and had just watched "too much tv". We didn't do anything, but she tried. She made many sexy suggestive comments to me and I ignored them and played dumb until the whole "Well anyway It's getting late I should be going" came up. I have had minimal to no contact with her since. I am now wondering if I should tell my friend. He is still reeling from the relationship and is still somewhat in love with her, but most bridges are burned. I've been silent about it to him for a while, but we are VERY close and have had many heart to hearts (mostly about his feelings for her lately). I am not sure if this goes along the lines of "what he doesn't know won't hurt him" or if I should respect our close (albeit odd) friendship and reveal the truth to him. I've gone back and fourth on this so I suppose the logical thing for me to do is to ask a bunch of strangers online (although with the amount of FL people on here, odds are I know at least one of you...heck I hope one of you isn't the players in the story I mentioned!).
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09-06-2008, 04:39 PM
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Moderator
Status:
"WE CAN DO IT!!!!!"
(set 4 days ago)
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Tennessee
6,904 posts, read 2,876,809 times
Reputation: 6055
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Yes. I would tell him. Its hard telling how many others she has played like this out of sympathy.
He needs to know the truth, and you will feel better in the long run.
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09-06-2008, 04:55 PM
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Another PIA Member
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Florida [back to Phoenix in February '10]
6,989 posts, read 2,181,108 times
Reputation: 5160
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I know a guy who just went through this here in Tampa! His friend went to go see his ex a couple months after the breakup - and he and his friend are no longer speaking. He said that he will no longer speak to him because he felt his buddy betrayed him by just placing his presence at his ex-GF's house without calling him first to bounce it off him. On top of that, withheld it from him for whatever amount of short time. A respect and loyalty issue. He says that his friend should have kept his lip zipped and not tattled on himself - because if his ex said his friend was over at her house, he would have not believed her under any circumstance.
My advice, based on the above situation of my friend and because you said nothing happened with her - if you want to not stir matters of the heart, keep silent. Silence is not a lie. If she uses it as a weapon toward him in the future, deny, deny, deny.
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09-06-2008, 04:59 PM
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Member
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Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: NPR, FL
33 posts, read 29,731 times
Reputation: 23
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JeepGirl118
I know a guy who just went through this here in Tampa!
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That first sentence scared me since that is the area I live in, except the circumstances for yours were somewhat different. He does know that me and her have in touch since the breakup, but he isn't aware of me coming over her house at night and her coming onto me. |
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09-06-2008, 05:04 PM
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Another PIA Member
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Florida [back to Phoenix in February '10]
6,989 posts, read 2,181,108 times
Reputation: 5160
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Some women are tricky - farts in a strong windstorm - you have a 50% chance of her using it as a weapon against him that will affect your friendship. If there is no more association with her and you do not plan to - and absolutely nothing happened - I would tuck the memory away and forget about it.
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09-06-2008, 05:10 PM
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So many recipes, so little time...
Status:
"The Vibrator Man."
(set 25 days ago)
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Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: So Cal
6,474 posts, read 2,773,042 times
Reputation: 3437
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JeepGirl118
Some women are tricky - farts in a strong windstorm - you have a 50% chance of her using it as a weapon against him that will affect your friendship. If there is no more association with her and you do not plan to - and absolutely nothing happened - I would tuck the memory away and forget about it.
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What's saying....
"Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned" |
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09-06-2008, 05:31 PM
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Member
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Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: not telling you
27 posts, read 15,744 times
Reputation: 16
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sounds like she came onto you out of revenge. smart move staying away!
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09-06-2008, 05:39 PM
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Member
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Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: NPR, FL
33 posts, read 29,731 times
Reputation: 23
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Yeah I always suspected that it was just a revenge ploy.
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09-06-2008, 05:53 PM
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Senior Member
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Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: somewhere north of Boston
155 posts, read 80,532 times
Reputation: 189
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I think the dying star analogy was very apropos. It became a black hole and sucked you in.
Don't tell your friend. Even though nothing happened,he'll still feel betrayed that you went over there.
And rightfully so,you shouldn't have gone. I know that you did it out of kindness,(and I think she manipulated you a bit) but if she wants to cause trouble,you've given her ammunition to do it with.
Continue to have no contact with her,keep quiet,cross your fingers,and hope it blows over quickly.
Good luck.
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09-06-2008, 06:00 PM
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Moderator
Status:
"WE CAN DO IT!!!!!"
(set 4 days ago)
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Tennessee
6,904 posts, read 2,876,809 times
Reputation: 6055
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I ask my husbands advice on this. 
He said that if nothing happened......keep silent.
If they was to get back together, then you might think about saying something, but if its over between them, let it go. |
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