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Old 09-07-2008, 02:20 PM
 
13,779 posts, read 16,474,319 times
Reputation: 7227
Default I have a question for the married men...

Ok, here is my situation.

In May, my husand and I were at a party and talking to my neighbor(male) about former neighborhoods we have lived in. We were comiserating and laughing about the stories and then I told him there were a wild group of swingers in our old neighborhood and he said there had been some in his.

The conversation was NOT flirty at all...I am NOT that way at all!!

Well, the conversation ended on a fun, neighborly tone and I thought that was the end. A few days later, my husband said he felt uncomfortable with the fact that I had said something to our neighbor about the former neighborhood and was worried since the neighbor did not know us well he could misinterpret the comment as an invitation.

Fast forward to this afternoon, my hubby and I were talking about a party we are having in October and were writing out the guest list (Ofcourse, you are all invited) and our neighbor came up. My husband said "Oh, I'm sure he'll be here...he probably thinks we are having a key party, or something".

My husband is not a jealous man nor am I a flirtatious person. We have a great relationship and rarely fight or have rifts, but obviously this is bothering him.

Here is my question...would you be upset if your wife was in my situation?
I feel like a jerk but do not know what to do to fix it...

REAL advice is welcome...
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Old 09-07-2008, 03:11 PM
 
Location: Tucson
42,846 posts, read 52,786,902 times
Reputation: 22742
Quote:
Originally Posted by mrstewart View Post
My husband is not a jealous man nor am I a flirtatious person. We have a great relationship and rarely fight or have rifts, but obviously this is bothering him.

Here is my question...would you be upset if your wife was in my situation?
I feel like a jerk but do not know what to do to fix it...

REAL advice is welcome...
In my experience and observations almost every married person edits her/himself to some extend. I have, too, and probably wouldn't have discussed such a topic with neighbors. You wouldn't have seen half of my opinions on this forum, either... if you saw me on this particular one at all!

I don't know... perhaps in great relationships people don't... perhaps that's one of the reasons so many relationships go down the drain... but it's an undeniable fact. I remember even reading some book or a chapter of a book dedicated to how wives change their behavior because they think it's expected of them while in reality it might not be...
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Old 09-07-2008, 03:24 PM
 
1,666 posts, read 2,566,728 times
Reputation: 2034
Quote:
Originally Posted by mrstewart View Post
Ok, here is my situation.

In May, my husand and I were at a party and talking to my neighbor(male) about former neighborhoods we have lived in. We were comiserating and laughing about the stories and then I told him there were a wild group of swingers in our old neighborhood and he said there had been some in his.

The conversation was NOT flirty at all...I am NOT that way at all!!

Well, the conversation ended on a fun, neighborly tone and I thought that was the end. A few days later, my husband said he felt uncomfortable with the fact that I had said something to our neighbor about the former neighborhood and was worried since the neighbor did not know us well he could misinterpret the comment as an invitation.

Fast forward to this afternoon, my hubby and I were talking about a party we are having in October and were writing out the guest list (Ofcourse, you are all invited) and our neighbor came up. My husband said "Oh, I'm sure he'll be here...he probably thinks we are having a key party, or something".

My husband is not a jealous man nor am I a flirtatious person. We have a great relationship and rarely fight or have rifts, but obviously this is bothering him.

Here is my question...would you be upset if your wife was in my situation?
I feel like a jerk but do not know what to do to fix it...

REAL advice is welcome...
If my wife would have said that to a neighbor that was (in my eyes) not attractive/her type, I wouldn't think anything of it. BUT, if my wife said that and he was her type, then I'd be wondering why she would have brought it up. I wouldn't be too worried, but would also question it........and give her a hard time about it. (in a joke'n matter).

Tonight, reasure him that he is the one...if you know what I mean. He'll forget abouut it quickly.
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Old 09-07-2008, 03:46 PM
 
13,779 posts, read 16,474,319 times
Reputation: 7227
Thanks for your input. This was really just a casual conversation and we were laughing about the crazy stuff we see in neighborhoods. I really feel bad for my husband because he never let me know he was upset.

BTW, the neighbor is not my type
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Old 09-07-2008, 03:53 PM
 
24,609 posts, read 25,730,348 times
Reputation: 32816
Why would something like this upset him? It's not like you stuck your tongue in the guy's ear and said, "If you had been there, I would have come--in more ways than one, Big Boy."

Tell you husband that it was an innocent conversation and that you're tired of being penalized for it. Anybody who knows you two will never mistake you for swingers and that you're tired of being second guessed.
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Old 09-07-2008, 03:59 PM
 
Location: Incognito
6,987 posts, read 12,577,113 times
Reputation: 5270
Your husband should know you better than that. At the time of the party just act like if this conversation with the neighbor never happened and tend to the guests like you'd normally do.
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Old 09-07-2008, 04:45 PM
 
13,779 posts, read 16,474,319 times
Reputation: 7227
Well, I just asked him if he was really upset and he said "no, I just don't like that guy"...and truthfully, no one really does.

I just figure it bothered him for him to bring it up so long after the conversation took place. We shall see..."As the Husband Turns"
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Old 09-07-2008, 04:53 PM
 
Location: Beautiful New England
2,413 posts, read 4,503,222 times
Reputation: 2930
Quote:
Originally Posted by mrstewart View Post
Well, I just asked him if he was really upset and he said "no, I just don't like that guy"...and truthfully, no one really does.

I just figure it bothered him for him to bring it up so long after the conversation took place. We shall see..."As the Husband Turns"
Sounds like your hubby overreacted based upon his dislike of the guy to whom you were speaking. Based upon what you've told us I see no reason for him to be upset. You conversation with the neighbor was innocuous, casual chit-chat.
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Old 09-07-2008, 04:57 PM
 
13,779 posts, read 16,474,319 times
Reputation: 7227
Quote:
Originally Posted by professorsenator View Post
Sounds like your hubby overreacted based upon his dislike of the guy to whom you were speaking. Based upon what you've told us I see no reason for him to be upset. You conversation with the neighbor was innocuous, casual chit-chat.
Yeah, I think my husband has an issue with this guy. I will admit, he is pretty smarmy
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Old 09-07-2008, 04:57 PM
 
Location: LI, NY
1 posts, read 812 times
Reputation: 10
Default Of course, you are all invited

Of course, you are all invited


You forgot to give us directions. I can understand your hubby not liking someone, BUT if he is fixating on this 'silly' conversation there is somethging else bothering him besides just disliking the neighbor guy.
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