Serious question for male/female coworkers (man, kiss, children, advice)

[Softtail_Honey]

Originally Posted by 319

I have a friend that I have known since high school and he has been telling me the politics and what not of working in an accounting firm. Anyway, he tells me about this married lady with kids that he flirts with. He feels her rear and they also share long intimate hugs when no one is looking. I have more to the story as it has ups and downs..but based on that what are your thoughts. I told him he needs to be careful b/c I think she may want more and this would put him in an even more awkward position. He seems to think it is all innocent. So is it innocent flirting, or does she want more or what?

Innocent? No way. Not when it includes long hugs and copping feels. No way. He's just kidding himself. He knows its not innocent. Is she encouraging this for advancement in the firm? Hmmmm.

[319]

I agree there is NO way for him to think this behavior is innocent.

I think he likes both the action and attention and she as well. There are so many pitfalls it is not even funny, many listed by you gals/guys above.

As for promotion I highly doubt it they are in different departments but you never know.

I know the guy so I know how dumb he can be....but I am thinking about the lady and her motive. Does she really want more or is she enjoying that someone is showing interest or what?

More info: She talks about her husband and kids alot. Usually how good a husband he is or that he did something dumb or what the kids did that was cute or a problem that one is experiencing.


On a side note: I told the guy about the post, he said he will look at the thread this weekend. So who knows...

[johnycakes]

Sounds like he's a football fan who's bringing the idea of being a TEAM PLAYER to a new level.

[319]

Well, he told me he read this thread and still thinks it is innocent but will try to put a cold towel on the hugging and touching....he still thinks she is just a flirt....
Ca any woman please chime in here and let him know that there are flirts and then there is this....

[cricket_factor]

...there is full-blown stupidity at work, by both men and women! Your friend is fooling himself, big time.

Doesn't your friend know what ethics are, or sexual harrassment? He's going to be crying all the way to the unemployment office.

[319]

Update:

This guy is crazy dumb. They were not talking at all so she wanted to meet with him and find out what was wrong. Well they talked and all is well, in other words...
The hugging and touching begins again. But catch this SHE said if someone caught them she would act 100% different toward him and she did not want that so they cannot allow anyone to see them doing it (i.e. touching and hugging) at work. She has friends there and she doesn't want to have to be in a position to explain anything.

He reads this thread so please put your 2cents in....

[SomeThings]

I suppose every woman is different, but for me--personally--I would NOT be capable of this type of physical intimacy/flirting without wanting more. Even if I thought I was ok with it, I'd be lying to myself. "Thigh to thigh" hugs are reserved for someone I'm involved with romantically.

Now, if it were JUST a once-in-a-while hug, I could maybe believe it, or JUST the occasional "grab" I could maybe buy it, but IMHO that combination is dangerous. She either gets some sort of power/ego trip by the attention (or getting someone to risk his job, which is what he is doing) or looking to him to fulfill something that is missing in her marriage. The fact that she doesn't want to have to "be in a position to explain" her behavior to anyone demonstrates she has knowledge that there is something amiss. Your friend needs to decide what the payoff is for him, and whether or not it's worth the risk he's taking.

FWIW, I used to work very closely with a [married] male coworker. I can think of only very few instances when we hugged--if one of us was dealing with something serious (say a family member's illness or something) where we had brought the emotions to work with us. We still sometimes meet for lunch, and it is a quick 1 or 2 second hug hello (which I would do infront of his wife), or a longer hug if there is some sort of "life event" (i.e.: birth of his child, etc.) These hugs are NEVER thigh to thigh.

[RedSoxFanGoingWest]

Don't dip the pen in company ink!!!

Definitely not innocent and even if she is just a flirt he can get reprimanded and/or fired and then beat down by the husband!

[319]

SomeThings see that is what I am thinking. She has to want more or she has something else planned b/c why else does she exhibit this behavior behind 'closed' doors.

And this idiot friend of mine (yeah you) seems to think she is JUST a flirt. Thigh to thigh is a bit much, I mean long body to body hugs just b/c is kinda of not on the flirt only gauge IMHO. AND ass grabbing come on...

The payoff will be the umemployment line and/or a stalker IMO.

Any other thoughts..I will continue to supply updates as "he" gives them to me...

[Padgett2]

Perhaps she has a need to feel desirable. If so, she's getting it by his attention. Not a good thing as there will come a point when she will need to feel more desirable. That will not be an easy time for him to back down without hurting her feelings or making her mad. Believe me, he does NOT want to make her angry.

Hell has no fury like a woman scorned. She could easily accuse him of making the moves and there is no way he could deny it and make anyone believe him.

I have had plenty of passes made at me at work. It's easy to turn a nice guy off if a woman really means it. I am afraid that woman wants to live out the fantasy of a romance novel. That means that the worse is yet to come.