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Old 12-23-2009, 11:09 AM
 
Location: DFW
40,936 posts, read 49,025,568 times
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While I'm older than most kids, If you are extremely rich I'm open for adoption. I'll mow your yard, call you mom and come over for Christmas.
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Old 12-23-2009, 11:10 AM
 
Location: Denver Metro
1,549 posts, read 2,578,701 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tropical Trouble View Post
OK, here I am, 40 years old, never married, no kids but want some! I thought I'd be fine with just having step kids but two years ago my fiance left me for another woman and while that still stings a bit, what I miss most about him is his two kids. I was almost step mom to two of the greatest boys on the planet. They just recently turned 13 and 16 (they were 9 and 12 when I met them). I felt very comfortable with them, they liked me, we all got along really well, and their ages seemed perfect for me to be a step-mom. It stinks that losing the man also meant losing the kids. My ex had also said that we'd try to have kids of our own as well, but ended up leaving me for someone who doesn't even like kids. Go figure!

So now I find myself wondering if I'll ever be a mom, and if I should even factor that desire into who I choose to date? Will I be giving up the chance at a wonderful husband if I insist on kids? Or do I limit myself to guys who are willing to have a baby? If I end up marrying a guy with kids who doesn't want any more with me, I feel like I'm opening myself up to the same situation as two years ago. I don't really want to date guys with grown kids because those seem to be the guys who most definitely don't want more kids, and I don't really want to be a grandma yet.

I guess I'm just frustrated because since my fiance left, the only guys that seem to want to go out w me are dead set against having more kids. For the most part, they have kids who live with their ex and aren't even around that much. I feel like I'm missing out on school plays, soccer games, etc. Are there any men over 35 who still want babies? I really am fine with being a step mom, but after what happened with my fiance, I don't want to end up alone if the next guy leaves after 10 years, taking the kids out of my life.
This is controversial but have you ever thought about adopting and being a single mom?
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Old 12-23-2009, 11:11 AM
 
Location: Denver Metro
1,549 posts, read 2,578,701 times
Reputation: 1131
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rakin View Post
While I'm older than most kids, If you are extremely rich I'm open for adoption. I'll mow your yard, call you mom and come over for Christmas.
Haha, if you want to have a boy and a girl, I'll join him.
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Old 12-23-2009, 01:36 PM
 
Location: portland, or
46 posts, read 150,163 times
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40 is not to old to start anything, even a family.
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Old 12-23-2009, 02:59 PM
 
Location: SW MO
23,593 posts, read 37,394,969 times
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Just a caution here. I was 42 when the last of my five children was born. I was not a real happy camper at the time when the ex (not then, now) announced that baby #5 was on the way. At that age I was beginning to look seriously at a future that included retirement.

While my daughter (now almost 22) is a delight and while I had a lot more patience as an older parent than I ever did when a younger one, there are trade-offs. As the child grows, you age and your energy lever isn't the same as it used to be. You may be more involved in your career because you're at a higher lever than you were 10 or 15 years ago. Like me, you might be 60 when the child graduates from high school and then there's college to consider.

What of grandchildren? My wife (not my childrens' mother) and I have nine between us. My youngest is 16 months. I'm 63. If I make it, I'll be 80 when she graduates from high school. What are the chances I'll live to see her married and even start a family of her own?

While it's natural for us to want to satisfy our own emotional and biological urges for parenthood, think ahead and ask if it's really the best thing for the child. And take it from one who knows, sleepless nights and packing for a trip to the store as if you were leaving on safari are not all fun-and-games. And just wait for the school and other activities.

Whatever you decide, best of luck!
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Old 12-23-2009, 09:21 PM
 
Location: Tucson
42,831 posts, read 88,042,435 times
Reputation: 22814
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rakin View Post
While I'm older than most kids, If you are extremely rich I'm open for adoption. I'll mow your yard, call you mom and come over for Christmas.
He-he, I've offered myself to Mrstewart, too. She said she'd cook and bake for me if I help with the carpool. Conditional love, ya know... ;-)
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Old 12-24-2009, 02:01 AM
 
25,080 posts, read 16,303,130 times
Reputation: 41803
The OP should not give her dream of having kids up. I don't know if there are a lot of guys out there who want to have kids at 40, but I'm sure it must be. A woman forty is still young and still has options...
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Old 11-14-2015, 09:00 PM
 
5,455 posts, read 3,359,329 times
Reputation: 12177
I ran out of time to have my own kids. It is not a huge regret, it was just not meant to be.
Think ahead about 19-20 years and see if you still think its a good time to have kids at 40. Factor in your coming age and how your mind and body will be at 60+. Just saying....
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Old 11-14-2015, 09:10 PM
 
Location: Middle America
37,409 posts, read 53,412,743 times
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My husband was 40 when we met. Our son was born a few weeks after he turned 43.

My father-in-law was 50 when his youngest, my husband's younger half-sister, was born.
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Old 11-15-2015, 07:38 AM
 
237 posts, read 223,958 times
Reputation: 947
In the meantime, until you have a kid or adopt one, you could still be involved with kids through a mentoring program like Big Brother Big Sister. There are also many other local mentoring programs depending on where you live. It wouldn't be quite the same, but you could still make a big difference in someone's life as well as your own.
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