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Old 09-16-2008, 12:22 AM
 
14,727 posts, read 33,242,287 times
Reputation: 8949

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I guess I've worked with and gone to school with several lesbians over the years. At the time (college), I was pretty naive and oblivious to it and just thought they were girls with boxy frames and short hair, with a dose of tomboy thrown in.

Over the years, I've gotten better at "spotting" them. In a few office settings, they were the biggest of troublemakers and over half of them were eventually fired. I saw one yesterday leaving a restaurant...she worked at a past employer of mine and the firm fired her because of all her squabbles with people...it was a chronic problem that disrupted productivity. Everybody was glad to see her go.

Within the past month, I was seated on the commuter rail where the seats face each other. A real gruff one, about 35-40, was sitting across from and had a locket that looked like an image of the Virgin Mary. She caught me looking at this and thought I was looking at her (HIGHLY doubtful), puts her hand over her cell phone, and says "Please don't look at me, I'm talking to my girlfriend." Those seated around me looked at me and rolled their eyes, obviously disgusted at her crass behavior.

So what's the deal here? Why is there this brittle and calloused behavior? If they choose to play up the large and masculine look, that's their choice but why does it have to be accompanied by the surliness? Any theories or experiences like this?

 
Old 09-16-2008, 12:33 AM
 
Location: Cosmic Consciousness
3,871 posts, read 17,048,419 times
Reputation: 2700
No such experiences.
Theories? We get what we give out.
 
Old 09-16-2008, 12:39 AM
 
14,727 posts, read 33,242,287 times
Reputation: 8949
Quote:
Originally Posted by allforcats View Post
No such experiences.
Theories? We get what we give out.
And looking at a religious icon being worn is "giving out" something? Trust me, there was NOTHING else to look at.
 
Old 09-16-2008, 03:44 AM
 
Location: Tennessee
16,224 posts, read 25,576,328 times
Reputation: 24104
Its her way of letting her GF know that someone else may be looking at her, because she is so rough looking. no...I didn`t!
 
Old 09-16-2008, 04:15 AM
 
Location: Portland, Oregon
1,373 posts, read 3,109,620 times
Reputation: 573
I guess it's them trying to be more masculine. Lesbians also tend to have a history of abuse more frequently than gays do, so that can explain why most gays are not seething with rage.
 
Old 09-16-2008, 04:56 AM
 
478 posts, read 2,296,970 times
Reputation: 378
Quote:
Originally Posted by robertpolyglot View Post
I guess I've worked with and gone to school with several lesbians over the years. At the time (college), I was pretty naive and oblivious to it and just thought they were girls with boxy frames and short hair, with a dose of tomboy thrown in.

Over the years, I've gotten better at "spotting" them. In a few office settings, they were the biggest of troublemakers and over half of them were eventually fired. I saw one yesterday leaving a restaurant...she worked at a past employer of mine and the firm fired her because of all her squabbles with people...it was a chronic problem that disrupted productivity. Everybody was glad to see her go.

Within the past month, I was seated on the commuter rail where the seats face each other. A real gruff one, about 35-40, was sitting across from and had a locket that looked like an image of the Virgin Mary. She caught me looking at this and thought I was looking at her (HIGHLY doubtful), puts her hand over her cell phone, and says "Please don't look at me, I'm talking to my girlfriend." Those seated around me looked at me and rolled their eyes, obviously disgusted at her crass behavior.

So what's the deal here? Why is there this brittle and calloused behavior? If they choose to play up the large and masculine look, that's their choice but why does it have to be accompanied by the surliness? Any theories or experiences like this?
I think this statement needs to be qualified a bit.

My little sister is the president of her GLTBQ club in college, and I volunteer with gay and lesbian causes in my city. I would not call all lesbians "angry". I wouldn't even say that a quarter of them are angry.

I would say that "power lesbians", of the Jackie Warner type, are far more likely to be aggressive ... but that is something that is rewarded with other women, who tend to look up to them. The more high-powered the industry, the more likely that the most successful women are lesbians (in part because they do not allow heteronormative standards in the workplace to hamstring them into positions that pay less than they deserve).

I have not noticed a widespread surliness among lesbians. In fact, I'd say that most are pretty happy! They get the best of both worlds, IMO, and I must say that I'm a little jealous of the way that lesbians instantly understand each other in a way that heterosexuals do not. But that is another conversation for another day.
 
Old 09-16-2008, 09:03 AM
 
77,697 posts, read 59,834,099 times
Reputation: 49088
I think that you might just have a bad sampling.

Some OBVIOUS lesbians may be defensive given that they probably get crap from people in the course of their daily lives.
 
Old 09-16-2008, 09:21 AM
 
28,896 posts, read 53,936,484 times
Reputation: 46662
I've noticed that, too!

I've known a ton of lesbians in my life. And as much as I hate to generalize, it seems that they divide into two basic camps: The easygoing, carefree types who are confident in their sexuality and don't really worry about what the world thinks, and the brittle, neurotic types who always seem to want to pick a fight. I mean seriously. Maybe it's because I'm guy and because that type hates men.

But it's like every single innocent statement (And I don't mean innuendoes or remarks that could be even mildly sexist) gets deconstructed and questioned in search of God knows what. Having worked with a person like that on a daily basis before, it was absolutely exhausting. And, what's more, she blamed everything on men. If a female client wasn't good at her job, then it was a man's fault to have promoted her to that position. If a married woman was having an affair with a man, then it was his fault for seducing her (Forget all that palaver about women actually being empowered). If a client didn't like her work, it was because he was a man--never mind that she was a really lazy designer. The list went on and on.

When I was single, the first floor of my apartment building was a bookstore owned by lesbians. They sold crystals and the whatnot, too. I can't remember the exact title, but I wanted to order a history book on the Second World War. They refused to order it because they disapproved of my choice of books. Nevermind that I had bought some pretty esoteric stuff from them in the past.

So yeah, I know exactly the type to whom you're referring. I wouldn't say they are the majority or even a large minority of lesbians. But they are a definite subset.
 
Old 09-16-2008, 09:32 AM
 
3,490 posts, read 8,198,978 times
Reputation: 3971
This hasn't been my experience at all and I was raised by lesbians!
In fact most lesbians I know seem to like men a lot - just wouldn't want to be in a relationship with one!
The man hater women I see tend to be divorced women, and it seems to get worse as they get older. The single, older, straight women seem much more militant to me than any of the lesbians I have ever met.
Also many of my Mother's friends are extremely successful and well respected at work.
I'm not sure why you are experiencing this, but perhaps it is more about you than them.
 
Old 09-16-2008, 09:35 AM
 
28,896 posts, read 53,936,484 times
Reputation: 46662
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hobokenkitchen View Post
This hasn't been my experience at all and I was raised by lesbians!
In fact most lesbians I know seem to like men a lot - just wouldn't want to be in a relationship with one!
The man hater women I see tend to be divorced women, and it seems to get worse as they get older. The single, older, straight women seem much more militant to me than any of the lesbians I have ever met.
Also many of my Mother's friends are extremely successful and well respected at work.
I'm not sure why you are experiencing this, but perhaps it is more about you than them.
Nah. Everybody loves me. I am beloved. The milk of human kindness runs in my veins. They're thinking of creating a lane on the freeway just for me. Children and animals instinctively trust me.
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