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Well I grew up in a formal old fashioned household, so I don't mind his mother's attitude. It's a matter of always respecting your elders and not flaunting your sexuality in front of them.
The way I also see it is that her son moved all the way up to MA to be with me. So when we visit, I don't have a problem with letting her have her quality time with her only son. And staying at a hotel would mean a lot less time together for them. We are usually there for only a week to ten days at most. I get him for the rest of the year to myself. She's never tried to persuade us to move to FL. No guilt trips from her, and my boyfriend and I are very grateful for that. We've beem invited down to FL for Christmas, but without pressure. His dad has a weird thing about the fact that after the divorce, he was supposed to get the kids for alternate Thanksgivings and Christmases, and he tried to extend rule that after everyone became adults... but none of his kids want to be with him and no one honors that agreement anymore. He really is a wretched self-centered human being. If we go down for Christmas, I know that my boyfriend will try to keep everyone sworn to secrecy so that he doesn't have to see his dad. lol
I guess since your under someone elses roof, and thats their rule, you had better go with it.
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Originally Posted by asitshouldbe
I would stay in a hotel. If I am already living with the person I am not going to live a "false" life to please someone else.
ditto both of these. I have family that are this way, no sharing a bed if you aren't married. I would never ask them to compromise their principles in their own home. In the past, I have always just gone with the flow and slept separately. It really wasn't a big deal to me. But now that I am older, I'd probably just get a hotel room. Keeps everyone from getting sick of each other during the visit, anyway.
I wouldn't have a problem sleeping separately in someone else's home. Their house - they get to make the rules. If you can't live with those rules, that's what hotels are for.
I visited my parents house with a former boyfriend, and because my teenage cousins were also visiting, my BF and I slept apart. Later, with my ex-fiance, my parents were fine with us sleeping together even though we weren't married (or even engaged at that time). Maybe it's because there were no kids in the house, and I was about 8 years older by then as well. I think my parents finally clued in that I'm an adult now
A person is only responsible for what goes on in their home. Children can leave and do things against a parents belief, but when you are under the parents roof, you should respect them enough to live by their rules. Otherwise, you will just upset everyone. The only people who sleep together in our home are those who have a marriage certificate to make it acceptable.
I am visiting my bf's family this weekend. We will have to sleep seperate at his mothers (we are both 46). Her house, her rules. Personally, I think it is stupid for people to insist adult couples sleep seperate if they are not married when it is obvious they have a sexual relationship.
I am visiting my bf's family this weekend. We will have to sleep seperate at his mothers (we are both 46). Her house, her rules. Personally, I think it is stupid for people to insist adult couples sleep seperate if they are not married when it is obvious they have a sexual relationship.
Right, I agree with you. Adults who are in a committed unmarried relationship "should" be able to sleep in the same room. In your case, I can just tell how ridiculous you think his Mother's thoughts are -- come on, you two are not 19, after all! You two are grown adults, who make their own money!
But hey, if it makes these people feel better to uphold some type of standard, instead of looking the other way when there are WORSE things going on in our societies, I guess the old saying, "their house, their rules" applies. Stupid and ridiculous, yes.
NOW, here's a different twist:
What if you are visiting relatives in a really SMALL town, and then your SO's parents urge that the two of you sleep in separate quarters -- even though you're not sleeping in a hotel room (in order to save face while in this small town), or the whole town will think badly of the two of you?
What if you are visiting relatives in a really SMALL town, and then your SO's parents urge that the two of you sleep in separate quarters -- even though you're not sleeping in a hotel room (in order to save face while in this small town), or the whole town will think badly of the two of you?
I am visiting my bf's family this weekend. We will have to sleep seperate at his mothers (we are both 46). Her house, her rules. Personally, I think it is stupid for people to insist adult couples sleep seperate if they are not married when it is obvious they have a sexual relationship.
I'd be sitting in the hallway with a big stupid grin waiting for his mother at 1 am after I slammed the headboad into the wall a number of times and screaming oh god!
What if you are visiting relatives in a really SMALL town, and then your SO's parents urge that the two of you sleep in separate quarters -- even though you're not sleeping in a hotel room (in order to save face while in this small town), or the whole town will think badly of the two of you?
Same deal. Separate rooms would be fine with me. It's called being a good guest. And I see no need to flaunt the intimate sexual aspects of my relationship in front of my hosts and/or their neighbors. It's a way of showing respect and consideration for others with different beliefs and lifestyles. Many people still think that shacking up without getting married is living in sin, that having sex before marriage is wrong.
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When in Rome, live as the Romans do; when elsewhere, live as they live elsewhere. - Saint Ambrose
Same deal. Separate rooms would be fine with me. It's called being a good guest. And I see no need to flaunt the intimate sexual aspects of my relationship in front of my hosts and/or their neighbors. It's a way of showing respect and consideration for others with different beliefs and lifestyles. Many people still think that shacking up without getting married is living in sin, that having sex before marriage is wrong.
True, some people still have that backward thinking. But the interesting part is this: just because two people in a relationship are not sleeping in the same room (while visiting) does NOT mean that they are not... ehm, "doing it" while visiting. Keep that in mind!
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