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I got into a couple of interesting discussions today with women and we're starting to wonder what men these days are REALLY looking for. If you had the choice, which would you marry?
1) "Traditional" Woman: Has your children, stays at home to take care of them, cooks well, keeps the house very clean, wears very feminine clothing and keeps herself made up/hair done, etc, has sex whenever the husband wants, does more listening than talking, keeps her opinions to herself.
2) "Modern" Woman: Has a full-time job, earns approximately half of the household income, if she has kids she goes back to work by the time each child is 2-3 years old, cooks and cleans but expects her husband to do half of the work, is fashionable but usually wears jeans as opposed to dresses, likes sex but she needs her needs met in bed, is very aware of the economy, politics, the world, etc. and always states her mind.
Men--please choose which one you would marry and also mention your age and any other background about yourself.
Age 31.
If these were the *only* two and I had to pick one, it'd be 1) traditional.
Reason being, I think its more natural, more attractive (dress, makeup vs jeans), more pleasing (sex whenever vs anytime), and in some ways I think we need more traditional roles in the world. The lines have gotten too blurred and too confusing for some.
But the qualifier is....you wouldnt want to be someone with no personality, no interests of her own, that lives a sheltered life (doesnt know anything about the economy or politics). That'd get very boring.
On the other side of the coin, I think many guys are very intimidated by ultra modern, successful women. Think, Guy Ritchie, Madonna. How could any guy possibly catch up to, or feel equal to Madonna?
Or the characters on Sex and the City. Like Miranda (Cynthia Nixon), the hard driving new york lawyer. You can be too career minded and I think drive alot of guys away.
The only thing I don't like about your definition of the "modern" woman is the whole "Expects her husband to do half the work". She shouldn't "Expect" anything. It should be an agreement between two adults, nothing more, nothing less.
Also, I would prefer the style and mentality defined by you in a "modern" woman, but with the attitude and presence defined by you in a "traditional" woman. I like to call it "Sexy but classy".
traditional. but then of course i gota walk the walk too.
this means no more mr rogers, no more croissant. no more passive aggressive. its guna be rough.
I guess this makes me a modern woman by definition. While I have met my fair share of men who seem to prefer the traditional woman, I have also had no real problems meeting men who like me just as I am. I think it goes back to that old adage: To each his own. Some men want a traditional woman. Some men want a modern woman. Men who want a traditional woman find my outspokenness and outgoing spirit too intimidating or off-putting. I hope there are still men out there who want a woman who is an equal.
I guess this makes me a modern woman by definition. While I have met my fair share of men who seem to prefer the traditional woman, I have also had no real problems meeting men who like me just as I am. I think it goes back to that old adage: To each his own. Some men want a traditional woman. Some men want a modern woman. Men who want a traditional woman find my outspokenness and outgoing spirit too intimidating or off-putting. I hope there are still men out there who want a woman who is an equal.
Here's the problem and this is, as T-Boz once said, "actual and factual".
Deep down inside, every man wants a blurred line between those two. It's just that some prefer traits of one over the other...without losing the other. To most men, some women take "outspokenness" to the wrong level. Head bobbing, smart alec, back talking, arguing-for-the-sake-of-arguing mentalities and then call themselves outspoken. No. Marriage counselors will all tell you that there are times when it's just best to "shut up and listen", be you male or female, to what the other person is saying. A lot of "outspoken" women are incapable of that, and that's when men gravitate toward the traditional side. They want one who's independent and self sufficient, but not so much so that they develop a complex about themselves.
None of this is directed to you personally. I'm just saying that at the end of the day, men really want someone who is -
- Smart enough to run a business, but not too proud to ask for help running it;
- Sexy enough to wear a dress, but not so stuck on herself that it has to be the most expensive on the rack;
- Laid back enough to talk about anything, but willing to talk about things that maybe she doesn't fully care about (i.e. sports);
- Outgoing and easy to get along with but not out there with hundreds of male friends;
- Not necessarily the best cook, but is willing to let her man teach her how;
- Capable of going to work and making money, coming home and making dinner, then turning the 'freak' on when the mood calls for it; and
- looking to be somebody, be successful, even if that success is only at managing a household.
Here's the problem and this is, as T-Boz once said, "actual and factual".
Deep down inside, every man wants a blurred line between those two. It's just that some prefer traits of one over the other...without losing the other. To most men, some women take "outspokenness" to the wrong level. Head bobbing, smart alec, back talking, arguing-for-the-sake-of-arguing mentalities and then call themselves outspoken. No. Marriage counselors will all tell you that there are times when it's just best to "shut up and listen", be you male or female, to what the other person is saying. A lot of "outspoken" women are incapable of that, and that's when men gravitate toward the traditional side. They want one who's independent and self sufficient, but not so much so that they develop a complex about themselves.
None of this is directed to you personally. I'm just saying that at the end of the day, men really want someone who is -
- Smart enough to run a business, but not too proud to ask for help running it;
- Sexy enough to wear a dress, but not so stuck on herself that it has to be the most expensive on the rack;
- Laid back enough to talk about anything, but willing to talk about things that maybe she doesn't fully care about (i.e. sports);
- Outgoing and easy to get along with but not out there with hundreds of male friends;
- Not necessarily the best cook, but is willing to let her man teach her how;
- Capable of going to work and making money, coming home and making dinner, then turning the 'freak' on when the mood calls for it; and
- looking to be somebody, be successful, even if that success is only at managing a household.
Perfect Woman 101
-- a little old man from Pasadena
Interesting post. You are right about one thing though: None of this has to do with me. Go back and read my other posts. Then you will see that outspokenness has nothing to do with stereotypical head-bopping aggression. Looks like your own experience has led you to your own conclusions.
Interesting post. You are right about one thing though: None of this has to do with me. Go back and read my other posts. Then you will see that outspokenness has nothing to do with stereotypical head-bopping aggression. Looks like your own experience has led you to your own conclusions.
That would be valid, but for the fact that your posts do not represent every woman, no matter what Whitney would have you believe. My comments about women and false outspokenness was not an attack on you; simply an explanation about why men steer away from women who say they are outspoken. If you want to blame someone, blame your peers.
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