In Love And She's Taken!! (girl, kiss, sex, college)

[Ivorytickler]

Originally Posted by professorsenator

Well that's tough luck for her, isn't it? She made her choice (it wasn't you) and she has to live with the consequences of it.

Ultimately, while you certainly don't want to go out of your way to upset her unnecessarily (or anyone else, for that matter) you can't sacrifice your own well being for someone who would not do the same for you. And by choosing to be with another guy, she has made it clear that the other guy comes ahead of you.

I also don't like her B.S.ing you, either -- she should be straight up with you and tell it like it is instead of giving you lame lines and excuses. The bottom line remains: she's doing you wrong.

Whether or not you fall in love with someone is hardly a choice. We don't control who we love.

However, I do agree he needs to get out of this situation. It's a no win situation. he's in love with her but she is not in love with him. They need to go their separate ways. Friendship only works when both want to be just friends.

[Ivorytickler]

Originally Posted by pigeonhole

I made many mistakes in my life pertaining to my relationships with females, but one mistake I never did is I took ggod care to be classified in the category "friends" by ugly/plain looking girls ONLY!
The good-looking ones not interested in dating, I made it clear that I would never be their "friend".

Why would you refuse to be friends with a pretty woman? Why are ugly/plain women more friend worthy?

[anadyr21]

I know I keep hearing "leave her as a friend so I can work on myself and get over her", but the truth is, I KNOW for a fact she's become really ATTACHED to me. Not like a boyfriend, but as a friend, she relies on me for a lot of things and she tells me stuff she doesn't tell anybody else. So I still get nervous when I'm told I should cut off the friendship (which some of my friends have told me to do) because I know it's going to hurt her just as much it's going to hurt me.

I have no doubt that she is attached to you and would be hurt if the friendship ended. The problem is that you're hurting a hell of a lot more by being her friend than she will ever be by losing you as a friend. Should you have to feel stabbed in the heart every time she mentions her boyfriend? That feeling will never go away if you remain her friend.

I am saying this as a women who once had a guy pine over her like this. It is entirely possible that she may have been initially attracted to you, but she either wasn't sure or was more attracted to someone else at the same time. Especially in college, girls have their pick of at least 10 guys at any given time. In the end, she didn't choose you. You are her best friend; the one she can rely on through heartache, favors, rides, or other personal drama. While she may think of you as a great guy and even sometimes wonder if there could be anything there (assuming this continues into your mid 20s), there's no chemistry. You are in the "friend zone". Once we place you there, it is impossible to get out. Really, it is impossible. Do not be fooled by any b*llsh*t we give you, even if this includes sex. In the end, she will do or say something that will make you realize that there's no hope. Only then can you really move on. My guy pined through undergrad and grad school for me. When I met my husband and became pregnant was his point of moving on. A few years later, he met the woman of his dreams, I attended his wedding, he has 2 kids, and is very happy. He's still one of my best friends.

I think many of us on this board are telling you this as people who have gone through it or have enough dating experience to know how this is going to play out. It won't end well for you unless you distance yourself from her. This may even need to include the "cut off all contact" rule.

I also don't like her B.S.ing you, either -- she should be straight up with you and tell it like it is instead of giving you lame lines and excuses. The bottom line remains: she's doing you wrong.

This is true, however, she's young and she's trying not to hurt his feelings. She may not mean to be insensitive.

[artsyguy]

lol I know. I think people can compartmentalize the two, I don' t know for what reasons though.

Originally Posted by Ivorytickler

Why would you refuse to be friends with a pretty woman? Why are ugly/plain women more friend worthy?

[professorsenator]

Originally Posted by anadyr21

...she's young and she's trying not to hurt his feelings. She may not mean to be insensitive.

Yes, I agree. She's trying to let him down easily. It's hard to level with people sometimes and it can take quite a lot of maturity to do it in a straightforward yet considerate way. But she's still trying to let him down and for that reason he ought to hit the road...

[artsyguy]

Agree with ivorytickler again.

Originally Posted by Ivorytickler

So, you only date pretty women? The Ugly/plain ones get sent to the corner. Nice.

I hope you meet a woman as shallow as you are.

[artsyguy]

yes it is better to be straight forward about stuff but it takes skill.

Originally Posted by professorsenator

Yes, I agree. She's trying to let him down easily. It's hard to level with people sometimes and it can take quite a lot of maturity to do it in a straightforward yet considerate way. But she's still trying to let him down and for that reason he ought to hit the road...

[artsyguy]

I hate to break it to you but you judge/classify people based on their character not purely on their appearance.

Originally Posted by pigeonhole

I made many mistakes in my life pertaining to my relationships with females, but one mistake I never did is I took ggod care to be classified in the category "friends" by ugly/plain looking girls ONLY!
The good-looking ones not interested in dating, I made it clear that I would never be their "friend".

[TexianPatriot]

Why is this seemingly exclusively a guy phenomona?

[Mr.Cat]

Here's my 2 cents:

Just be her best friend and be there for her. She already knows how you feel about her so just ket it go. Best friend is way better that not friend and besides there's always the possibility that after a while, you might be what she's been looking for. So hang tight my brotha!