In Love And She's Taken!! (men, older, advice, friend)

[loose cannon]

Don't stay in this vicious cycle. Move on. I've been here before.

[crh1980]

Originally Posted by veuvegirl

2. The friend will realize she has feelings for you, and you start to date.

She usually realizes that when hes already taken and she didnt tell him and played games

[Movie Lover]

If you want this girl, do what Vito Genovese did to get Anna into his life.

[spikeboy25]

I just wanted to say something since I wrote this. Her and I are still close friends. I don't feel as down as I used to but it still does feel awkward at times. But my main point is this. Last week, we came back to school from a week long fall break. Anyways, she seemed to enjoy herself around me more than usual. But here's the odd thing: every day after class she drives me to my apartment next to the university. As we were in her car, she said something that I just found, well... odd. She was off from work that day and said that she wished her parents (who she lives with and are pretty strict) weren't so uptight and would let me spend the night at her house. So I'm thinking, "Huh????"

And the other day, me, her and my friend (my best guy friend who had only met her once before) went to the gym. After a while, my friend and I went to shoot some hoops while she stayed on the upper floor. My friend says that he thinks that this girl likes, and if she doesn't, she doesn't act like someone who is not interested.

To add all up to this, she's still with her boyfriend and having sex. But she is kinda flirtatious around me and wished her parents weren't so uptight about letting guys who have crushes on theri daughters stay overnight at their hosue. Does any of this sound normal to anyone?

[buildings_and_bridges]

Originally Posted by spikeboy25

Does any of this sound normal to anyone?

I guess if one's young, it's not abnormal, really.

But after reading that post, I'm pretty confident that she's playing games with you, and if I were you, I would want to put some distance between her and myself to avoid getting hurt. There are some people you just can't be friends with because of all the drama it involves. I think she's being very inconsiderate if she has a boyfriend and she's flirting with you. Sounds like you've been getting mixed signals almost since day one with her.

[lj111]

i'm not sure...

as a female, i would have to say that she wants to have you around and have a shoulder to cry on in case something bad happens to her (which she seems to be doing).

it seems like she is using you (but probably unaware of it) and this can be plan hurtful if prolonged.

it's up to you whether you want to be friends with her. it's evident that the two of you get along but i think distance might do you good (not to break off the friendship but just some space to think about things).

no one likes to be mentally messed with... especially if that person is oblivious to the situation.

Originally Posted by spikeboy25

I just wanted to say something since I wrote this. Her and I are still close friends. I don't feel as down as I used to but it still does feel awkward at times. But my main point is this. Last week, we came back to school from a week long fall break. Anyways, she seemed to enjoy herself around me more than usual. But here's the odd thing: every day after class she drives me to my apartment next to the university. As we were in her car, she said something that I just found, well... odd. She was off from work that day and said that she wished her parents (who she lives with and are pretty strict) weren't so uptight and would let me spend the night at her house. So I'm thinking, "Huh????"

And the other day, me, her and my friend (my best guy friend who had only met her once before) went to the gym. After a while, my friend and I went to shoot some hoops while she stayed on the upper floor. My friend says that he thinks that this girl likes, and if she doesn't, she doesn't act like someone who is not interested.

To add all up to this, she's still with her boyfriend and having sex. But she is kinda flirtatious around me and wished her parents weren't so uptight about letting guys who have crushes on theri daughters stay overnight at their hosue. Does any of this sound normal to anyone?

[sassyone]

Originally Posted by spikeboy25

Here's the situation: I met this girl this past February after class one day (we're sophomores in college). I liked her from the moment I saw her. She asked me to go hang out with her and I did. She had just broken up with her boyfriend so I wondered whether she wanted to get with me or not.

We hung out for about a month and then I told her that I liked her. I asked her if she felt the same way, and she told me that she didn't know (she later talked with one of my friends about it and said the same thing). She told me she would talk with me about it later. Two weeks pass and she tells me she went out with this guy and she likes him and he feels the same way. I was pissed! Half of it was jealously and the other half was her never telling me if she liked me or not. I asked her again soon after if she liked me and all she would say is that she likes this guy now, but she wouldn't tell if she ever had feeling for me or not.



Anyways, she stops seeing this guy once summer begins and starts seeing someone else. This time it's serious. Every single time his name is brought up, I get a knot in my stomach. Well just recently, she told me that she lost her virginity to him while we were about to start class... I wanted to throw up! She even said I looked sick. Later that day, while she was driving me to my apartment, she asked me why I was being quiet and I told her that it was because of what she told me about her and her boyfriend having sex.

She said that she was sorry and felt bad because she wasn't being considerate of my feelings. I told her that it was my fault for being jealous and petty. She said that she considers me her best friend and that she tells me things she tells no one else and she felt she needed to tell me this because it is a big deal.

I understand that she shouldn't have to be cautious about everything she tells me because that would be unfair. But I don't know what to do. This is making me sick. I've grown real attached to her and if she's being honest when she says she considers me her best friend, then she clearly cares about how I feel. But the thought of her and him having sex makes my stomach churn. Anybody been in a similar situation or just have any sound advice to give? It would be grealty appreciated.

I would run from this situation and not look back. She is playing head games with you and most likely other guys too.
Most of us probably have had something similar, I don't remember how I handled it, but you really need to move on. There are a lot of great girls out there. I think you really need to ask yourself if you could live this life, because she has not shown that she intends to change anything.
I hope for the best for you.

[TexianPatriot]

spike, you seem to be far too nice of a guy to be hanging out with this poisonous woman. drop it like it's hot now and move on, or if you don't live by any moral/ethical standards, pull a tucker maxx. tell her to ride you cowgirl style, never see the current loser she's dating again, and stick by your side forever. And even if she turns out to be a decent woman that you'd be happy to spend the rest of your life with, don't rush into that. Anyone playing these type of games has a long way to mature before you go putting a ring around her finger, not to mention the trust that must be built (which if your head is at all attached to your neck/shoulders, you shouldn't trust a word she says at this point in time).

[buildings_and_bridges]

Originally Posted by TexianPatriot

Anyone playing these type of games has a long way to mature before you go putting a ring around her finger, not to mention the trust that must be built (which if your head is at all attached to your neck/shoulders, you shouldn't trust a word she says at this point in time).

Amen to that. I really think this girl has a lot of growing up to do. It's up to you whether or not you can cope with accompanying her through all of that, spike.

[spikeboy25]

Thanks for all the advice. I would just like to add that this is just my friend's perspective as to whether she is flirting with me or not. Truthfully, I'm not good at telling whether or not a girl is interested in me or not (I thought she was in the beginning since she enjoyed being around me so much). I mean she's never tried to kiss me or nothing like that. We hug and then she does poke me every once in awhile.

I know I keep hearing that I need to ditch her but it's so hard to do. I SERIOUSLY considered doing it once she told me about her losing her virginity to her boyfriend. But I still like being around her a lot (though that can change pending her mood and if her boyfriend is discussed). And I know for a fact if I tried to create some type of noticeable distance between us, it would REALLY hurt her (I'm not saying this to be cocky, I know this for a fact). It's just frustrating because I REALLY want to move on, but I still can't tell if she likes me or not.

On a side note, I was good friends with a girl once way back when I was 15. We thought about going together but she decided against it at the last minute. She eventually created distance between us and in hindsight, it helped. While her and I aren't close, we do still see each other every once in awhile and are still friendly.

Another situation occured between me and this girl, and we'll let's just say I was persistent and once she got a boyfriend, she would basically make out in front of me if I was around. I got the hint. Plus, this girl was NEVER flirtatous at me. EVER.

But this girl right now, she's got me " so caught up," if I can quote Usher.