In Love And She's Taken!! (dating, boyfriend, married, women)

[spikeboy25]

Here's the situation: I met this girl this past February after class one day (we're sophomores in college). I liked her from the moment I saw her. She asked me to go hang out with her and I did. She had just broken up with her boyfriend so I wondered whether she wanted to get with me or not.

We hung out for about a month and then I told her that I liked her. I asked her if she felt the same way, and she told me that she didn't know (she later talked with one of my friends about it and said the same thing). She told me she would talk with me about it later. Two weeks pass and she tells me she went out with this guy and she likes him and he feels the same way. I was pissed! Half of it was jealously and the other half was her never telling me if she liked me or not. I asked her again soon after if she liked me and all she would say is that she likes this guy now, but she wouldn't tell if she ever had feeling for me or not.

Anyways, she stops seeing this guy once summer begins and starts seeing someone else. This time it's serious. Every single time his name is brought up, I get a knot in my stomach. Well just recently, she told me that she lost her virginity to him while we were about to start class... I wanted to throw up! She even said I looked sick. Later that day, while she was driving me to my apartment, she asked me why I was being quiet and I told her that it was because of what she told me about her and her boyfriend having sex.

She said that she was sorry and felt bad because she wasn't being considerate of my feelings. I told her that it was my fault for being jealous and petty. She said that she considers me her best friend and that she tells me things she tells no one else and she felt she needed to tell me this because it is a big deal.

I understand that she shouldn't have to be cautious about everything she tells me because that would be unfair. But I don't know what to do. This is making me sick. I've grown real attached to her and if she's being honest when she says she considers me her best friend, then she clearly cares about how I feel. But the thought of her and him having sex makes my stomach churn. Anybody been in a similar situation or just have any sound advice to give? It would be grealty appreciated.

[Twinkle Toes]

Let me get this straight ... you guys met last February and already you're her best friend???

[yankeegirl313]

Obviously, you have stronger feelings for her than she has for you.
She apparently is not taking this into consideration when she is telling you about these other guys. You need to let her find a new BF. Sorry...

[SifuPhil]

Sorry, but you've been put into the "friend" category. Once you're put there, there's no getting out.

With all due respect (since I've been there myself many times) - it's a losing battle.

[Twinkle Toes]

Yeah, the "friend" thing is a killer, for sure. You go out together and maybe you wanna hit on some young, hot thang and she gets all jealous and wants to know who the "skank" is you're talking to. Then, if some weird guy is hitting on her, she'll just say "oh, I'm with Spikeboy." BUT - if some hot guy wants to hit on her, but says he doesn't want to get in the way of her and her boyfriend, Spikeboy, she'll say "Oh Spikeboy's not my boyfriend - he's just a friend!"

Basically, you're screwed any way you look at it.

[Colddiamond102]

Yeah...you've been given "The Friend of Death" classification.

Time to move on.

[veuvegirl]

Originally Posted by SifuPhil

Sorry, but you've been put into the "friend" category. Once you're put there, there's no getting out.

With all due respect (since I've been there myself many times) - it's a losing battle.

Not always true. Hubby and I were best friends. He wanted to date, I didn't. After almost a year, he finally 'got the hint' and realized we would never happen. So he started to date other women and we remained friends. After a month of this, I realized, that damn, I love this guy! 14 years later, still happily married.

So my suggestion to you it a win win situation. Put yourself out there for other women. Start dating. Remain friends, but don't be available. There are two great outcomes.

1. You will find a woman who feels they same way about you that you do for her.

2. The friend will realize she has feelings for you, and you start to date.

Right now she is using you. You make her feel good because she knows she can have you whenever she wants. Stop pining over her and get out there. Only good things will come of this. Good luck!

[SifuPhil]

Originally Posted by veuvegirl

Not always true. Hubby and I were best friends. He wanted to date, I didn't. After almost a year, he finally 'got the hint' and realized we would never happen. So he started to date other women and we remained friends. After a month of this, I realized, that damn, I love this guy! 14 years later, still happily married.

You must be the rare exception that proves the rule, then.

[artsyguy]

She is playing mind games dude. Otherwise you wouldn't get the knot in your tummy. She knows you like her.

Originally Posted by spikeboy25

Here's the situation: I met this girl this past February after class one day (we're sophomores in college). I liked her from the moment I saw her. She asked me to go hang out with her and I did. She had just broken up with her boyfriend so I wondered whether she wanted to get with me or not.

We hung out for about a month and then I told her that I liked her. I asked her if she felt the same way, and she told me that she didn't know (she later talked with one of my friends about it and said the same thing). She told me she would talk with me about it later. Two weeks pass and she tells me she went out with this guy and she likes him and he feels the same way. I was pissed! Half of it was jealously and the other half was her never telling me if she liked me or not. I asked her again soon after if she liked me and all she would say is that she likes this guy now, but she wouldn't tell if she ever had feeling for me or not.

Anyways, she stops seeing this guy once summer begins and starts seeing someone else. This time it's serious. Every single time his name is brought up, I get a knot in my stomach. Well just recently, she told me that she lost her virginity to him while we were about to start class... I wanted to throw up! She even said I looked sick. Later that day, while she was driving me to my apartment, she asked me why I was being quiet and I told her that it was because of what she told me about her and her boyfriend having sex.

She said that she was sorry and felt bad because she wasn't being considerate of my feelings. I told her that it was my fault for being jealous and petty. She said that she considers me her best friend and that she tells me things she tells no one else and she felt she needed to tell me this because it is a big deal.

I understand that she shouldn't have to be cautious about everything she tells me because that would be unfair. But I don't know what to do. This is making me sick. I've grown real attached to her and if she's being honest when she says she considers me her best friend, then she clearly cares about how I feel. But the thought of her and him having sex makes my stomach churn. Anybody been in a similar situation or just have any sound advice to give? It would be grealty appreciated.

[artsyguy]

The only part I agree with is that she is using the poor guy. She sounds like a jerk to me.

Originally Posted by veuvegirl

Right now she is using you. You make her feel good because she knows she can have you whenever she wants. Stop pining over her and get out there. Only good things will come of this. Good luck!