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As usual, I'm inclined to give my two cents. I'm sensing that the OP is younger. I mean younger as in her 20's MAYBE early 30's but I'm guessing the younger.
Let me give you some hard and honest advice my dear. Our husbands, wives, SO's etc ALL get on our nerves from time to time. You can't just decide that you can't be involved anymore because of that. That kind of thinking shows your immaturity.
It honestly sounds to me like the foundation is there for a good relationship, unfortunately it sounds also like you are looking for excuses to get out of the relationship.
You have to grow up a little and realize this. You mentioned you have small children and aren't intimate often anymore. Join the club! Any woman who has small kids are home isn't feeling super sexy and wanting sex all the time. It's hard when you have small kids at home anyway.
Problem number 2, you mentioned that you don't get along with his relatives. Maybe both sides have made mistakes but guess what? You don't have to sleep with them! But they now have grandkids and at some point you have to grow up and be the bigger person. Try to figure out WHY you are not getting along and fix it. After you have exhausted all avenues, then you do the normal family gathering stuff, be cordial and fake it if you have to and move on.
You desire to be with other men because you are beginning to put this fantasy together that you are going to meet the knight riding in on his noble steed and that he will whisk you away and live happily ever after. That isn't going to happen, only in fairytales my dear.
All the while you probably have a perfectly fine man at home.
Fix what is wrong with you. Fix what is wrong with your marriage because at this point, you are feeling the exact same growing pains every other young couple has. Your situation is NOT unique. And finally, remember that communication and honesty is priority in your relationship.
Good Luck.
Why would you (or anyone, for that matter) turn to a forum for a decision of this weight?? You would ask strangers to decide your future? There is not one person who could or should answer this question but you.
[quote=akire;5388605]I am contemplating divorcing my husband. Part of me really wants to and part of me doesn't.
My thoughts - We have small children together, I will have no health insurance, I can't stay at home anymore, I do still love/care about him, we make a good team at times, we have so much history.......He gets on my nerves, I can't stand his family, we aren't intimate often, I desire to be with other men, we fight often, what if I don't find someone better.
This too shall pass, in 10 years as your children are moving on you will have the internal satisfaction that you committed everyday to keeping your family together. That said of course if you are in danger, there is other abuse ect then the story is different. Find a Moms group thru a community college or church, we use to work our problems out at the laundry line with other moms, are you too isolated? Good luck, smart of you to try to get a little advice. One foot in front of the other.
All the while you probably have a perfectly fine man at home.
Fix what is wrong with you. Fix what is wrong with your marriage because at this point, you are feeling the exact same growing pains every other young couple has. Your situation is NOT unique. And finally, remember that communication and honesty is priority in your relationship.
Good Luck.
Very good post, andrea!
Quote:
Originally Posted by once-upon-chicago
There is not one person who could or should answer this question but you.
I divorced over 11 years ago. My kids were little. We had many of the same issues you stated plus he had/still has a drug problem. We both gave up.
While I have moved on, remarried and am very happy, there were rough times. Times where the kids and I were broke. I had to work full time leaving them in aftercare after school. I couldn't date much because I couldn't afford a sitter. It wasn't glamorous. We ate at the mercy of friends for a while. Still, the worst of it all came later.
The worst thing that happened during and shortly after the divorce for me was another women holding and caring for my children. No one prepared me for that. My ex had several girlfriends who would stay over when my kids were there and "play mommy". I thought I would lose my mind. I could say nothing. I even had one call me and tell me how much she loved snuggling with my 5 yr old! It broke my heart.
I am telling you this for one reason. Divorce is difficult in every aspect. Working on your marriage is a lot easier. If your husband is not abusing you or the kids, not using illegal substances, is not an alcoholic, is not involved in illegal activities then you should do everything in your power to make it work. Being bored with someone is not a reason to get a divorce. Stay, get some therapy, and make it work. No one is perfect, not even you.
Why would you (or anyone, for that matter) turn to a forum for a decision of this weight?? You would ask strangers to decide your future? There is not one person who could or should answer this question but you.
Some times its helpful when people can talk it out and sometimes this allows them to do it. But, I agree, talk to your husband and/or therapist.
Some more info.........
I'm in my early 30's, been married for 11 years.....obviously got married very young and had children very young. I do regret this, I feel like I missed out on my early 20's. Probably has a lot to do with how I'm feeling today. I've been feeling these thoughts about leaving for at least 4-5 years.
My husband has no major bad habits, like drugs or drinking, he does have anger problems though. I just feel like I don't even want to kiss him anymore. I don't think I'm just bored with him, more like we are just different people. When you get married at 19 you don't think about the important things. I am currently in counseling.
Yes you maybe having your midlife crisis a little early but lucky you, you will be young when your children are up and out. Think about doing some school on line if nothing is close. You sound a little beat down, something to raise your self esteem might help. Your husband may raise the stakes a little, afraid of change but reassure him, put yourself out there a little, good luck
The last thing you should be worried about is "finding someone better". If you leave him, leave for you. Don't leave him for someone else. That's just askin' fo trouble!
I have to agree with Twinkle Toes. Sounds like you're the one in the rut. He may actually think everything is fine, and you're contemplating divorce.
I will add my two cents. Only when you don't have any feelings or love for a person is a divorce easy. If you love a person but have problems with them it's worth trying to save. Communication is everything in trying to salvage things. I may not be him but you who has the problem. Sometimes we think marriage is full of joy and happiness and fail to see it's hard work and commitment. No one can answer your question as to what you should do but given the reasons you are giving I think you need to work on you.
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