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LOL, you've been in the kitchen for a few days only and it's already THAT hot for ya...?! You'll have to grow a pair if you plan to get into this lovely business.
Sierra and I rarely have the same opinion on anything in this forum...and I think ONCE we've had the same response to a question (although can't think of it off the top of my head)...but mathguy, I'm with her on this one You can't get depressed on this? Would you care to share an experience? We love to listen (and talk!)
Sierra and I rarely have the same opinion on anything in this forum...and I think ONCE we've had the same response to a question (although can't think of it off the top of my head)...but mathguy, I'm with her on this one You can't get depressed on this? Would you care to share an experience? We love to listen (and talk!)
LOL. Good points, I like you guys.
My stuff is relatively minor, I have a profile on plentyoffish.com for a short while and was chatting with 2 different divorcees a bit. Nice chat back and forth, going fine then I mention about meeting completely low-key or having dinner and *poof* no response. Basically, I suspect they were just trolling for attention or scared to actually go out on dates despite listing it on their profile.
Just a little frustrated in that all I would like to do is get out of the house, little dinner, little conversation etc. I just don't get it.
So, last night I re-did my profile as my previous profile I tried to be more low-key. I was intentionally leaving some my positive attributes out but I see now that the first step on the site is a bit of a meat market. Oh well, I'm learning.
I wouldn't mind some feedback on what I have in my profile, so PM me if you want to critique it.
Lemme clarify. This wasn't happening on the first or second date. This was later on when we became comfortable with one another. You've moved past the stage where you make small talk and are now genuinely interested in what's going on in each other's lives. For example, if she was going out of town to visit family, I might ask if she was excited about going and if she said no, I might inquire why not. Another example would be when took a class at the local college and I asked what class and if it was a subject I was familiar with, I might further ask about a specific topic they may have covered or I might ask how the teacher was. So nothing too personal. I never once felt like I was putting this person on the spot or grilling them or asking them questions that crossed the line. But when you have a conversation, you do tend to ask follow up questions if it's something worth discussing. But she tended to get irritated with me, as if I could only ask yes-or-no questions and then move onto another topic. I don't know what happened there to tell you the truth. I'm just wondering if anyone ever had this kind of reaction from someone. You've known this person for a while and yet they seemed to get defensive if you expressed interest in their life. I reached the point where I just stopped asking stuff.
I work with a women who is the same way. I've known her for over 4 years and have worked in the same office for 2 years now and have no clue how to talk to her. The first 2 years we were more pen pal/email friends. I was to her house several times-not dates.
Now that we work together, I can't talk to her. We've talked about "stuff" and she'll say she's too busy. I'll say "oh yeah, what do you do?" She'll just walk away. If I ask how her weekend was-she walks away--if looks could kill, I'd be dead many times over. There is never small talk. Every now and again she'll be pleasant to me, and all I can think is why? The other times she talks to me is some of the most bizarre things I've ever heard. In between times she won't talk to me-she'll email me and tell me what's going on in her life.
I've asked her why she won't talk to me-and she says that's just how she is or she's too busy and it's not personal. But she talks to everyone else, so I don't have a clue. She's had the same bf for 7 or 8 years now. I don't bother her outside of work or at work-I've pretty much given up trying to talk to her.
I've also asked her what we are? Friends, co-workers, enemies? She says were friends-but she has no time to talk to me at work, and she has a boyfriend so she can't talk to me outside of work.
Has anyone ever had a friend who you see several days a week who won't talk to you?
Clueless Rick
Clueless Rick, that's pretty extreme. I wouldn't put up with what you just described. She can say you're friends, but that should come across in how she treats you.
In my case, this girl would chat with me a lot. But it was hot and cold. Sometimes, we'd talk about really personal things. Other times, it was just everyday small talk. I could never figure out exactly what the rules or boundaries were. All I knew was that the very fact I wasn't always comfortable asking questions about her life was enough indication that it wasn't going to work. How can you have any hopes for a serious relationship with someone when you don't feel like you can talk to this person anytime about anything?
^ I'm not trying to be rude but think of all the hundreds of thousands of people who have done drugs in America. Maybe her brain was a bit fried from drug use? I've met handfuls of people that just leave me bewildered and annoyed after getting to know them. I tend to attribute that to possible prior drug use, especially if they come across as paranoid, suspicious, being a poor listener, having poor comprehension skills, and continuous self-absorption. I'm sorry but there are a lot of young adults and adults that are that socially retarded, it just really is very pitiful.
I've never done drugs nor am I on any prescription drugs therefore I tend to think clearly, feel stable, and speak clearly and intellectually.
So sometimes you've got to consider other factors such as prior drug use or alcohol abuse.
I don't think drug use was the case here. The way people see relationships and the way they deal with others when in a relationship is heavily influenced by upbringing and their past relationships, often in ways that they're not even conscious of. For example, my parents were pretty laid back and let a lot of things just roll off their back. I'm the same way in relationships. I tolerate a lot of things, probably too much. With this girl, I can only guess what her childhood was like and what her past relationships were like. Maybe she had past boyfriends that were constantly keeping tabs on her and as a result, she became more sensitive to people asking her about what she's up to. Who knows? But I don't think it was behavior brought on by drug use. In her mind, maybe her behavior was perfectly acceptable. Again, it goes back to how experience has shaped her thinking.
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You'll have to grow a pair if you plan to get into this lovely business.
