Any geniuses out there who can not find a partner at their intellectual level? (clothes, therapist)

[mrstewart]

Originally Posted by artsyguy

That is why I prefer to stay away from people.

That is too bad...most people are not like that...

[She_Was_A_Phoenix]

MY CONFESSION

Everyone will be interested to find out what's "wrong" with me, I am sure!

Originally Posted by piperspal

If she or you had said to me that geniuses are actually developmentally challenged, (& right about now I'm hangin' that flag on a tall pole!), then I would grant her that consideration accordingly.

Many of the gifts are a double-edged sword. I wouldn't say developmentally challenged, I would say differently abled. I'll show you:

On the one hand, I have this nifty trait called "A Rage to Master" which motivates me to quickly master subjects and skills... On the other hand, what that means is that my BRAIN basically possesses me and takes over my whole life - sometimes for months at a time! I stop seeing friends. I get behind on housework. I dedicate every waking free second to researching, say, psychology. Instead, I am reading ten websites and five books and writing pages and pages of essays.

It gets the job done, but its a wild ride. Its like a drug binge, except I'm "doing" information.

I have other traits called "Over-excitabilities" and they are similar in that they possess me. This means I feel more than one feeling at a time, my brain gets so CURIOUS that I can't STAND it and I get overwhelmed with questions. Then I have to answer all the dang questions!

So I go reading...

Sigh. And I get so absorbed in what I am doing I forget to eat! I am SERIOUS! I forget to sleep, too. It took me the longest time to quit this habit of starving myself through neglect. I am still fighting with the urge to stay up later in order to cram in more information. I'll do 6 hour nights for months on end because ... I am designed with this crazy instinct to pursue omniscience.

I see too many options and possibilities and have too many feelings all at once. It's like having ten people in the same head. We have to collaborate, and call a few friends, and launch a research project and make some beuracracy happen before we can decide on anything... I can't choose things quickly. And I almost never agree with anyone about anything.

I am very very sensitive and my imagination is overactive. It is like being a little kid - I have to be careful what movies I watch, lest I literally scar my mind! People don't think I'm SERIOUS when I say this.

I am!

I have a great visual memory - but that means I remember all the horrifying things I've ever seen in perfect detail. They even like to repeat in my head sometimes. This is great for amplifying that scar the mind effect!

For the longest time I thought I was nuts - until I found out that all these weird weird things are part of intelligence! Now I know that even though I will never be normal for a normal person, but I am normal for a gifted one.

I am able to solve incredibly difficult problems, but I am not able to read newsweek (scars my mind!). I am able to master subjects quickly - but I am not able to RELAX and get stability in my life because my brain is constantly throwing me into this subject or that.

I do not have talents - THEY have ME. Lol.

When I get interested in something, its not just interested. Its like HOLY S*** WHO GAVE HER THE FREAKING SCOOBY SNACKS AGAIN!!!! LOL!

When I am excited I am not just excited. I am like... A kid at Christmas ON A POT OF COFFEE.

I am really intense!

I am very, very different. To you, these differences probably seem totally nutty. To BOYFRIENDS these differences seem totally nutty. They ARE kinda nutty. I love them because they're me and I know they aren't dangerous, so I am not scared of them. But I am VERY different.

People don't want to empathize with feelings that are so strong they can't comprehend having them... so I feel that I am not cared about. They want to talk to me about subjects that are very stressful for me and don't understand that I am too sensitive. They don't want to talk to me about my current research obsessions - but that's all I can think about. They don't understand that I need to be very thorough take my time to make decisions. They misinterpret that and get annoyed.

They reject my feelings, my thoughts, the entire way that I am.

This is just the tip of the iceburg. I really am an alien.

I cannot change all of these things in order to get along with people. It would be like selling my soul. I would wither and die. I have tried hiding myself to fit in, but I inevitably get burnt out doing that. I get so tired of "fitting in" that I just... don't even want to bother anymore. Hah. And as much as I hide, it doesn't create more things in common - so there's not much to bond over!

I have an incredibly tenacious attention span that lasts for weeks, months, or even years on a subject I am interested in. But when I am presented with something that I am not interested in, its like I have ADD. I'd have easier time staring at the wall.

Its as if my attention span has ONLY two positions:

1. Heat-Seeking Missile.
2. Dead to the world.

I'm either so riveted I'm barely aware of physical reality (Einstein had this problem - he used to leave the house without clothes on... I FEEL BLESSED THAT I ALWAYS REMEMBER MINE! LOL!) or I'm staring off into the distance at sparkly things (Intelligent people are often misdiagnosed with ADD because of this - the only difference is that we can stick with reading a book for hours - I guess people with ADD can't do that for some reason.).

So, being that I have this crazy brain, I can't just take up normal interests just to have something to talk about. I am too busy being obsessed with researching things and never have time to catch any TV. I can barely pay attention in conversations. It takes all my willpower just to provide the politeness to make myself listen. Its like theres a G-D***** circus in my head! It takes something industrial strength to tear my attention away from that and get me focused on something else. I try to control it and MAKE myself listen but that often doesn't work. It's like I black out and and a few minutes later I find myself standing there and someone's asking me "You know what I mean?" and I'm like... CRAP how do I cover THIS one up!

I don't do it to be insulting.

This possessing brain-circus has me more than I have it.

I don't think it can change.

The acting like normal and hiding the weird things only goes so far. There are too many things to hide. Its like, imagine if a little kid is trying to sweep every toy he owns under his bed... they don't fit... then he has to stuff them between the mattresses... then they're sticking out the sides, so he shoves them under the blankets... Now, instead of a bed, theres a mountain in the corner covered with power-ranger-print fabric... He sees that it is too tall, so he tries to climb up and sit on it, but the whole thing explodes - toys fly everywhere.

That's me in a social situation.

Inevitably, my friends figure out that I am weird.
Eventually, my boyfriends figure out that we are incompatible.
Eventually, it becomes impossible for me to hide anymore.

Relationships end.

That is why it is so important to me to figure out how to be myself and be accepted for how I am. I can't keep up the pretending.

Originally Posted by piperspal

1) If she is capable of grasping the notion of her own hurt & emotions, then she should be capable of relating to us more empathetically.

We have feelings about different things though. I have strong feelings about this or that research subject. Other people have strong feelings about sports or shopping - I have no idea why? Or, I react emotionally to the same things but I have different emotions. Most people watch violent movies and they react emotionally by being stimulated by that - I react by being traumatized.

A person who is traumatized by violence would never guess it was exciting for someone else... I had to be TOLD that.

I can't predict what you will have feelings about because I would have different feelings. Its like I would have to memorize all the things that most people have feelings about and what kind of feelings. I already know some of the feelings, but other ones I am lost on.

Sort of like... Okay, you're a guy - do you remember a time when you were trying to understand woman and you were totally befuddled?

Thats how I feel. I can see that people have feelings and I do care... but I don't get it. And I certainly can't predict them enough to figure out what to say in advance. So I seem to go about things all awkward.

Originally Posted by piperspal

...trying to find common ground with anyone in a lower IQ class.

Hmm. I will have to think about this. Do I have any common ground? I don't know. I know we all bleed red and ... we all eat food... Our S*** stinks. Um... But thats not enough to build anything on... Hm... Maybe there is something? I don't know... I wil have to think about that one for a while.

Originally Posted by piperspal

2) If one's level of intelligence is so highly evolved in so many areas - whatever they may be; eg math, science, physics, finance, philosophy, typing 107 WPM, etc. - it stands to reason that one should have the brain function to communicate more effectively with lesser individuals.

You're right! It isn't a lack of brain that stops me. Its the fact that I am so different. Like an alien. Aliens are very intelligent (or we imagine them to be?) but they are very, very different... If we studied eachother for a while we would come to some sort of understanding, hopefully learn to get along. But it wouldn't exactly be instinctive.

Originally Posted by piperspal

I don't buy the notion that she reads, writes, speaks & understands English - and writes poetry - yet lacks the social graces to communicate, or dare I say fall in love!, with the mainstream population.

Well, is this starting to make sense yet?

Originally Posted by piperspal

I know a lot of people who suck at social niceties, and I know many more who excel at them. A high level of intelligence isn't a yay or nay to this, but if it were; with her brain power, social graces could be learned if the desire existed.

Um. I am trying to understand you guys right now! Thats why I stuck around in this topic. Am I failing that badly that it does not even look like I am trying?

What should I do instead?

Originally Posted by piperspal

I am also (really!) glad that at least you are in her corner as she is getting blasted by us.

Oh, maybe you do care?

Why... how can you blast a person and then be glad someone is helping them... ?

Originally Posted by piperspal

However, I issue no more apologies to her; she has completely brought this on herself.

I don't know what I did wrong?

Originally Posted by piperspal

I just do not believe your assertion that highly intelligent people often have social issues because of some glitch in their wiring. If they have social issues & lack social niceties, it's because they just don't want to be bothered to take the time & energy to acquire them. Period.

When I first started responding to this thread a few days ago it had 6 pages of posts.

Now, it has 34 pages of posts.

I have written 73 messages of conversing with normal people - so that I could hopefully observe something that would allow me to understand why they are so mean to me. I put up with the gauntlet of ... well I basically took on a whole flamewar by myself, with a few exceptions.

Maybe I'm not going about this the right way?

What am I supposed to do?

[artsyguy]

Not from my experiences.

Originally Posted by mrstewart

That is too bad...most people are not like that...

[mrstewart]

You did a nice job explaining yourself in this post...sometimes being self effacing is a great quality to exhibit when meeting others. Your previous posts were, well, not as endearing and you did not come across as a real person but someone who was self absorbed and self important.

Thank you for this post. It brings much clarity and more humanity to your posts.

Originally Posted by She_Was_A_Phoenix

MY CONFESSION

Everyone will be interested to find out what's "wrong" with me, I am sure!





Many of the gifts are a double-edged sword. I wouldn't say developmentally challenged, I would say differently abled. I'll show you:

On the one hand, I have this nifty trait called "A Rage to Master" which motivates me to quickly master subjects and skills... On the other hand, what that means is that my BRAIN basically possesses me and takes over my whole life - sometimes for months at a time! I stop seeing friends. I get behind on housework. I dedicate every waking free second to researching, say, psychology. Instead, I am reading ten websites and five books and writing pages and pages of essays.

It gets the job done, but its a wild ride. Its like a drug binge, except I'm "doing" information.

I have other traits called "Over-excitabilities" and they are similar in that they possess me. This means I feel more than one feeling at a time, my brain gets so CURIOUS that I can't STAND it and I get overwhelmed with questions. Then I have to answer all the dang questions!

So I go reading...

Sigh. And I get so absorbed in what I am doing I forget to eat! I am SERIOUS! I forget to sleep, too. It took me the longest time to quit this habit of starving myself through neglect. I am still fighting with the urge to stay up later in order to cram in more information. I'll do 6 hour nights for months on end because ... I am designed with this crazy instinct to pursue omniscience.

I see too many options and possibilities and have too many feelings all at once. It's like having ten people in the same head. We have to collaborate, and call a few friends, and launch a research project and make some beuracracy happen before we can decide on anything... I can't choose things quickly. And I almost never agree with anyone about anything.

I am very very sensitive and my imagination is overactive. It is like being a little kid - I have to be careful what movies I watch, lest I literally scar my mind! People don't think I'm SERIOUS when I say this.

I am!

I have a great visual memory - but that means I remember all the horrifying things I've ever seen in perfect detail. They even like to repeat in my head sometimes. This is great for amplifying that scar the mind effect!

For the longest time I thought I was nuts - until I found out that all these weird weird things are part of intelligence! Now I know that even though I will never be normal for a normal person, but I am normal for a gifted one.

I am able to solve incredibly difficult problems, but I am not able to read newsweek (scars my mind!). I am able to master subjects quickly - but I am not able to RELAX and get stability in my life because my brain is constantly throwing me into this subject or that.

I do not have talents - THEY have ME. Lol.

When I get interested in something, its not just interested. Its like HOLY S*** WHO GAVE HER THE FREAKING SCOOBY SNACKS AGAIN!!!! LOL!

When I am excited I am not just excited. I am like... A kid at Christmas ON A POT OF COFFEE.

I am really intense!

I am very, very different. To you, these differences probably seem totally nutty. To BOYFRIENDS these differences seem totally nutty. They ARE kinda nutty. I love them because they're me and I know they aren't dangerous, so I am not scared of them. But I am VERY different.

People don't want to empathize with feelings that are so strong they can't comprehend having them... so I feel that I am not cared about. They want to talk to me about subjects that are very stressful for me and don't understand that I am too sensitive. They don't want to talk to me about my current research obsessions - but that's all I can think about. They don't understand that I need to be very thorough take my time to make decisions. They misinterpret that and get annoyed.

They reject my feelings, my thoughts, the entire way that I am.

This is just the tip of the iceburg. I really am an alien.

I cannot change all of these things in order to get along with people. It would be like selling my soul. I would wither and die. I have tried hiding myself to fit in, but I inevitably get burnt out doing that. I get so tired of "fitting in" that I just... don't even want to bother anymore. Hah. And as much as I hide, it doesn't create more things in common - so there's not much to bond over!

I have an incredibly tenacious attention span that lasts for weeks, months, or even years on a subject I am interested in. But when I am presented with something that I am not interested in, its like I have ADD. I'd have easier time staring at the wall.

Its as if my attention span has ONLY two positions:

1. Heat-Seeking Missile.
2. Dead to the world.

I'm either so riveted I'm barely aware of physical reality (Einstein had this problem - he used to leave the house without clothes on... I FEEL BLESSED THAT I ALWAYS REMEMBER MINE! LOL!) or I'm staring off into the distance at sparkly things (Intelligent people are often misdiagnosed with ADD because of this - the only difference is that we can stick with reading a book for hours - I guess people with ADD can't do that for some reason.).

So, being that I have this crazy brain, I can't just take up normal interests just to have something to talk about. I am too busy being obsessed with researching things and never have time to catch any TV. I can barely pay attention in conversations. It takes all my willpower just to provide the politeness to make myself listen. Its like theres a G-D***** circus in my head! It takes something industrial strength to tear my attention away from that and get me focused on something else. I try to control it and MAKE myself listen but that often doesn't work. It's like I black out and and a few minutes later I find myself standing there and someone's asking me "You know what I mean?" and I'm like... CRAP how do I cover THIS one up!

I don't do it to be insulting.

This possessing brain-circus has me more than I have it.

I don't think it can change.

The acting like normal and hiding the weird things only goes so far. There are too many things to hide. Its like, imagine if a little kid is trying to sweep every toy he owns under his bed... they don't fit... then he has to stuff them between the mattresses... then they're sticking out the sides, so he shoves them under the blankets... Now, instead of a bed, theres a mountain in the corner covered with power-ranger-print fabric... He sees that it is too tall, so he tries to climb up and sit on it, but the whole thing explodes - toys fly everywhere.

That's me in a social situation.

Inevitably, my friends figure out that I am weird.
Eventually, my boyfriends figure out that we are incompatible.
Eventually, it becomes impossible for me to hide anymore.

Relationships end.

That is why it is so important to me to figure out how to be myself and be accepted for how I am. I can't keep up the pretending.





We have feelings about different things though. I have strong feelings about this or that research subject. Other people have strong feelings about sports or shopping - I have no idea why? Or, I react emotionally to the same things but I have different emotions. Most people watch violent movies and they react emotionally by being stimulated by that - I react by being traumatized.

A person who is traumatized by violence would never guess it was exciting for someone else... I had to be TOLD that.

I can't predict what you will have feelings about because I would have different feelings. Its like I would have to memorize all the things that most people have feelings about and what kind of feelings. I already know some of the feelings, but other ones I am lost on.

Sort of like... Okay, you're a guy - do you remember a time when you were trying to understand woman and you were totally befuddled?

Thats how I feel. I can see that people have feelings and I do care... but I don't get it. And I certainly can't predict them enough to figure out what to say in advance. So I seem to go about things all awkward.





Hmm. I will have to think about this. Do I have any common ground? I don't know. I know we all bleed red and ... we all eat food... Our S*** stinks. Um... But thats not enough to build anything on... Hm... Maybe there is something? I don't know... I wil have to think about that one for a while.





You're right! It isn't a lack of brain that stops me. Its the fact that I am so different. Like an alien. Aliens are very intelligent (or we imagine them to be?) but they are very, very different... If we studied eachother for a while we would come to some sort of understanding, hopefully learn to get along. But it wouldn't exactly be instinctive.





Well, is this starting to make sense yet?





Um. I am trying to understand you guys right now! Thats why I stuck around in this topic. Am I failing that badly that it does not even look like I am trying?

What should I do instead?





Oh, maybe you do care?

Why... how can you blast a person and then be glad someone is helping them... ?





I don't know what I did wrong?





When I first started responding to this thread a few days ago it had 6 pages of posts.

Now, it has 34 pages of posts.

I have written 73 messages of conversing with normal people - so that I could hopefully observe something that would allow me to understand why they are so mean to me. I put up with the gauntlet of ... well I basically took on a whole flamewar by myself, with a few exceptions.

Maybe I'm not going about this the right way?

What am I supposed to do?

[BillyC64]

To She Was A Phoenix I say, try being of your superior intelligence, and a incredibly handsome man and ultra wealthy and then you'll have a taste of the difficulties that face me on my quest to fin.................WHAT......HUH.....drool , drool..........I must have dozed off and been dreamin'...scratch,scratch...wonder if 7-11 is still open, I need a gulletbuster; wonder what 7-11 stands for

[RangerDuke08]

Problem solved, it's called "The Bachelor" for a reason. Gona sign up for that show when I'm done with school.

[She_Was_A_Phoenix]

Originally Posted by Wisteria

She_Was_A_Phoenix is literate, however, whether she is a genius cannot be proven here.

Thanks.

Originally Posted by Wisteria

To say that a highly-intelligent, genius-IQ person is morally more developed, is not true. Morality does not equate intelligence.

That is why this is not what I said.

What I said is that it is more common for highly intelligent people to reach higher levels of moral development. I was VERY CLEAR to caution that not ALL of them do.

I hope you don't think that's what I meant!

Originally Posted by Wisteria

It sounds like using meta-cognition has led you to this conclusion. What intrigues me is your inability to find someone with whom to connect. There are plenty of genius-types out there; most hang out with each other.

There are more IQ points in the genius range than in any other range.

1 in 120 people is a genius as defined by Terman - IQ 145 or over.

However, only 1 in 2000 people is near to the LEVEL of genius I am at. I am near 170.

I have tried dating in all the intelligence ranges except my own.

I'd love to tell myself that I can look past 25 IQ points, but when that is about the amount of difference between an average human and the smartest primate ever recorded... There's just no need to keep on telling myself that THAT relationship would work.

Originally Posted by Wisteria

My guess is that the apparent neurosis is the impediment. And I'd guess you already knew that. Neuroses are not singular to genius; anyone can be neurotic. An obsession with finding compatibility without finding how to deal with one's own psychological weaknesses will not find a mate.

Mind asking first next time you don't see the reason I am doing something, before publicly assuming I'm nuts?

Geniuses have feelings, too.

Crazy people have EveN MOr3 Feel1ngs!

Glad I'm not one!

Originally Posted by Wisteria

Believe me, I know quite a few technical geniuses, and gifted people. I even know one who has exactly the same IQ of 170 – and he is a male – a scientist. He didn't seem to have trouble finding a date after his divorce, although his refusal to deal with the issues that caused the divorce was a deterrent.

I am not interested in "a date". I could find plenty of them if I wanted. I've date 50 guys. Its not like I can't be attractive. I'm not incapable of having relationships. I simply just have compatibility issues the size of King Kong.

I don't need a date. What I am looking for now is THE ONE.

Originally Posted by Wisteria

Most people I know who are highly intelligent are friends with others who are equally so, because it's just normal to gravitate to others of like-mind. Just because the bell curve shows the majority of people in an "average," doesn't mean that your friends would be average, so I'm surprised, and not convinced, that you claim to not be able to connect with someone.

I connect. But the connections fizzle. There are too many differences that surface and eventually reveal that we have far more incompatibilities than things in common.

Originally Posted by Wisteria

There are a lot of really smart people in many places. It just seems odd that you don't have at least a small circle of friends who are on par with you (or maybe you do, but you didn't mention that).

Oh, I do. Just no compatible people with the right gender and sexual preference and marital status etc. in my age range. Also a lot of the ones I have met are not too sane!

Originally Posted by Wisteria

I have a hunch this isn't a totally honest revelation of yourself. Most geniuses don't go around saying, "I'm a genius, and I find it hard to connect."

I said I am a genius to respond to the original poster.

Then I realized that if I stick around I might learn a few things about why people reject intelligence, and how I might be able to encourage them to accept it.

Originally Posted by Wisteria

There are plenty of exceptional people who know that they're exceptional, but they also find others similar to them. An IQ of 170 isn't a freak of nature – I've known enough people like that who can "fit in" "normally."

The IQ of 170 is found in about 1 in 250,000 people.

If this doesn't seem uncommon for you - I'd LOVE to know where you're hanging out!

Originally Posted by Wisteria

I'd say to ditch the meta-cognitive stuff, and just get out there.

It is my passion. I will not "ditch" it.

Originally Posted by Wisteria

There are plenty of venues that attract smart – really smart – genius smart – people.

I have tried various clubs that do attract geniuses. However, each only has one or two or three... and then of course there is the problem of wrong gender, wrong age, wrong sexual preference, wrong marital status, mismatch in the compatibility department... All kinds of things. So it is taking a long, long, long time to find someone that way. I have managed to meet 12 in the last year or so, but... no romantic match.

Originally Posted by Wisteria

I have a hunch it isn't the IQ part that is the problem.

Most people don't think so. I think people have a terribly hard time understanding this. They don't know what this is like. They think intelligence is a matter of being good at spelling and math. They think the differences end there. They don't realize that the things that cause those differences in spelling and math and other intellectual subjects cause us differences in ZILLIONS of other places... Every place from emotionally to neurologically... even our immune systems seem to be affected!

[TheImportersWife]

Originally Posted by She_Was_A_Phoenix

Many of the gifts are a double-edged sword. I wouldn't say developmentally challenged, I would say differently abled. I'll show you:

On the one hand, I have this nifty trait called "A Rage to Master" which motivates me to quickly master subjects and skills... On the other hand, what that means is that my BRAIN basically possesses me and takes over my whole life - sometimes for months at a time! I stop seeing friends. I get behind on housework. I dedicate every waking free second to researching, say, psychology. Instead, I am reading ten websites and five books and writing pages and pages of essays.

It gets the job done, but its a wild ride. Its like a drug binge, except I'm "doing" information.

I have other traits called "Over-excitabilities" and they are similar in that they possess me. This means I feel more than one feeling at a time, my brain gets so CURIOUS that I can't STAND it and I get overwhelmed with questions. Then I have to answer all the dang questions!

So I go reading...

Sigh. And I get so absorbed in what I am doing I forget to eat! I am SERIOUS! I forget to sleep, too. It took me the longest time to quit this habit of starving myself through neglect. I am still fighting with the urge to stay up later in order to cram in more information. I'll do 6 hour nights for months on end because ... I am designed with this crazy instinct to pursue omniscience.

...

Can I ask a somewhat personal question? Do you have a job or career? I would imagine your "traits" would interfere with a typical job or career.

[She_Was_A_Phoenix]

Originally Posted by jahutch

Phoenix:

Dang girl, sounds like you need to stop worrying about compatibility for a while and just need to get laid! So yeah, call me up.

Too bad my sex drive is built like the Temple of Doom.

You practically have to be McGyver just to get anywhere...

[She_Was_A_Phoenix]

Originally Posted by lola8822

Let me know how that line works for ya

LOL. You get reputation points for that.