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Uhhh... Transgendered? I was born perfectly female and have stayed that way. Where did you get the idea that I am transgendered? Is this an attempt to insult me?
Uhhh... Transgendered? I was born perfectly female and have stayed that way. Where did you get the idea that I am transgendered? Is this an attempt to insult me?
Interesting thread. Hits home for me to some degree.
I'm not a genius but have a high IQ (144) and was in gifted classes all through school. Currently working on a graduate degree in engineering. People have mentioned that you shouldn't "flaunt" your success or intelligence. Well, if you are talking to someone who is considerably less intelligent, successful, and/or educated than you are, just talking about your day-to-day life can end up in you coming off as full of yourself. For example, for me the question "what did you do today?" could be answered with "oh, I woke up and ran 12 miles, worked on a conference paper, and cooked up some stir-fried pork". I've put a great deal of time and effort in to my career, and I'm also very into physical fitness and living a healthy lifestyle. Success is of course a relative thing....there are many, many people who are smarter, more successful, and in better physical shape than I am...but describing your life to someone else still can feel awkward in some situations (like the last time I ran into someone from high school who was working at a muffler shop and they asked what I was up to in my life).
Anyway, I have a hard time meeting girls that I'm really attracted to, at all. I do have standards but I've let them slide, only to regret it later (hey, loneliness sets in after you are single for 2 years or more at a time). I don't have a problem dating someone less intelligent than me, but I can honestly say I've never dated anyone as or more intelligent than I am. I'm not sure how that would go...would it be awesome to have an intellectual counterpart or would we end up being competitive with each other?
I guess what I'm really looking for is someone who is intelligent enough to question life, instead of just being complacent and going with the flow. I prefer independent women who are concerned with other things than the latest fashions and Hollywood gossip. I'd really like someone who could challenge me intellectually and/or physically (meaning fitness, outdoor activities, etc...not necessarily sexually).
I'm at the point now where I've been single for about 2 years, and am getting fairly lonely. I'm also moving in 6 months, so I'm in no position to even look for someone, and I meet very few women in my day-to-day life anyway. So, what to do...keep holding out, or lower my standards again just to have someone?
"Why is intellegence, beyond being in the general ball park even an issue in dating?"
Well I don't know what you mean by ballpark... By ballpark, you might mean 10 points or 100 points. I will describe what I've noticed about my compatibility with the various IQ groups and see if it answers your question:
People within 40 points of me tend to be refreshing, and those within fifteen points make me feel like I have found people like me!
I think that 60 or 70 points is way too much. A friend of mine has an intelligence level around 160 or so and she is married to a normal guy... Against her will, she keeps falling for gifted guys - even despite being married. She has been faithful and she loves her husband, but I really don't think he will retain her in the long run. He just isn't even in the same library, let alone reading the same book, and he is certainly not "on the same page".
In my case, I am just not even attracted to normal guys at all. I'd rather be celibate than to date someone who is so thoroughly incompatible with me - and have, for years. I am on a two or three year long celibacy stint right now, actually, lol. I am so different from normal people that I have difficulty comprehending why they like what they like and why they do what they do.
I have tried dating guys with IQ's around 130/140 - but what ends up happening is that after a matter of months, the attraction fizzles out. I may love them and feel good going out with them, but my compatibility with them is fickle. Lol. Its sort of like this... I have dozens of abilities and interests and skills... many different personality facets... I am a very complex person, with lots and lots and lots and lots to me. A lot of these interests and facets are so unusual that I almost never find other people with ANYTHING in common... Once in a while I find a gifted person with a handful of things in common, but nowhere near completely compatible... They see that we have two or three of these things in common and go "Wow you are everything I want in a girl!" I see that we have a handful of things in common and go "Wow someone with SOMETHING in common! Yay!"
But, six months later, I wake up and realize that they just don't have anything more in common with me than that... I feel like 75% of me has been hiding the whole time. The majority of me feels neglected. Then I realize the relationship isn't going anywhere and it ends.
On the other hand, my attractions to those few people I have met who had IQ's above 155 ... wow. One of them has severe bipolar, so we can't really have a relationship, but I still think he's the hottest guy I've ever met two or three years later. That hasn't fizzled. The other believes that we are too different... but... before I met him, I didn't understand the idea of marriage. The idea that a relationship could be so intense and wonderful that it lasts your whole life didn't make any sense to me. Meeting him sparked something, and suddenly it make sense that a relationship could last one's whole life!
So, I think fifteen points is my magic ballpark. Then again, I am not entirely sure that my IQ is only 170... it could be higher. IQ is very difficult to measure in the genius range. There aren't enough of us to make sure the tests are accurate, and there arent as many matterials with which you can estimate your IQ. It could be that my IQ is 190 and my real ballpark is more like 35 points... I sure hope that's not the case. An IQ of 170 is a big enough social problem. I don't want it to be any higher. And it is possible that my IQ is lower than 170... My actual ballpark might be more like 10 points. I don't really know.
So, I don't know how many points is "ballpark" to you. To me, right now, I think "ballpark" means 15 points in either direction. I don't know why people would care about two or three IQ points. I don't. Ten points probably won't even make a noticeable difference, at least not when you're out in alien territory like me. Maybe if most normal people care about minor IQ differences like this it is because they meet SO MANY OTHER PEOPLE within the same range of IQ they can actually discern differences. I have only met a few dozen people in my whole life in my range, and so trying to discern minute differences between one IQ point and another is not easy - there just aren't enough examples to see these differences.
Does that answer your question?
Any more questions?
I like questions.
In fact, if your husband wants to send over some of those impossible problems, I'd like that. I have never found a philosophical problem I couldn't solve. I am similarly good at psychology, too, and lots of other things.
Being given some unsolvable problems would be fun!
By ballpark, I'm talking a 10 point range. Married couples, in successful marriages, tend to be within 5 points. I'm willing to bet there are plenty of people within 5 points of your IQ, unless it's 200+ and then you'd be so far out in left field, you'd probably be in the alpha society where you'd meet plenty of others like you.
Shop for an intellectual equal in a business partner. I'm not sure it's the right criteria for a mate. Look for someone who completes you not someone who competes with you.
There are areas where my husband and I are intellectual equals and those are the areas we don't function well in. We do well in areas where I'm better than him (that would be seeing the human element) and areas where he does better than me (figuring out how my darned computer works). It's nice to help each other out. To know yoru opinion is valued because you see things from a different perspective.
Honestly, I'm getting the impression that the only perspective you appreciate is your own and you're lookng for a twin who happens to be female. Problem is, she will be just as miserable with you as you will be with her because both of you will be looking for the other to, constantly, feed your need to feel superior.
I think you've priced yourself out of the market. You need to be able to see the person not just her IQ. My suggestion is join the alpha society and hang out with the other uber geniuses. You may find that once your appetatite for intellectual stimulation has been satisfied, you don't want to come home to more intellectual stimulation.
My husband is a computer person. Works on them all day. Solves rediculous problems for peope. When he asks for my help, it's to see the human interface side. I used to be an eningeer. He couldn't do my job but I'd ask his opinion because it gave me an outsiders opionion. I can't imagine us equals without ending up at each others throats. No one wants a partner who questions their every decision and no one wants to debate things 24 x 7.
Join the alpha society and hang out with the other geeks. In fact, you dan bring your issue to the table and get the opinions of people like you.
In post #59 WyoNewk states he was in the top 99% of his class; & in post #61 She_Was proceeds to NOT GET THE JOKE. Then in the following posts goes on to explain herself & actually gets offended, then admits to being paranoid.
Just goes to show that the smarties don't always have one up on us regular folk - by far!
Reading this entire thread has reinforced my concerns about getting back into the dating world. Whatever happened to "we just clicked"??? Now there's not only a physical checklist to measure up to, we also have to pass the intellectual test??? I never had problems meeting guys before - young, old, handsome, homely, rich, poor, smart or not ---- it just wasn't such a project! Talk about sucking the fun out of dating!
For the love of Christmas folks, almost everyone has something to bring to the table! Get off the high horse of superiority & open your eyes & heart. Remember when Spock "sort of" fell in love??? We are HUMANS - we can do this!!!
Interesting thread. Hits home for me to some degree.
I'm not a genius but have a high IQ (144) and was in gifted classes all through school. Currently working on a graduate degree in engineering. People have mentioned that you shouldn't "flaunt" your success or intelligence. Well, if you are talking to someone who is considerably less intelligent, successful, and/or educated than you are, just talking about your day-to-day life can end up in you coming off as full of yourself. For example, for me the question "what did you do today?" could be answered with "oh, I woke up and ran 12 miles, worked on a conference paper, and cooked up some stir-fried pork". I've put a great deal of time and effort in to my career, and I'm also very into physical fitness and living a healthy lifestyle. Success is of course a relative thing....there are many, many people who are smarter, more successful, and in better physical shape than I am...but describing your life to someone else still can feel awkward in some situations (like the last time I ran into someone from high school who was working at a muffler shop and they asked what I was up to in my life).
Anyway, I have a hard time meeting girls that I'm really attracted to, at all. I do have standards but I've let them slide, only to regret it later (hey, loneliness sets in after you are single for 2 years or more at a time). I don't have a problem dating someone less intelligent than me, but I can honestly say I've never dated anyone as or more intelligent than I am. I'm not sure how that would go...would it be awesome to have an intellectual counterpart or would we end up being competitive with each other?
I guess what I'm really looking for is someone who is intelligent enough to question life, instead of just being complacent and going with the flow. I prefer independent women who are concerned with other things than the latest fashions and Hollywood gossip. I'd really like someone who could challenge me intellectually and/or physically (meaning fitness, outdoor activities, etc...not necessarily sexually).
I'm at the point now where I've been single for about 2 years, and am getting fairly lonely. I'm also moving in 6 months, so I'm in no position to even look for someone, and I meet very few women in my day-to-day life anyway. So, what to do...keep holding out, or lower my standards again just to have someone?
You don't have to blow your own horn. I had a masters degree in engineering and I graduated at the top of my class but I always find a way to relate to the level of the person I'm talking to. If something I did today would come off as boastful, I just don't say it.
The only time this was difficult was in college. When you break the curve just about every time, others notice and ASSume you're stuck on yourself.
In spite of graduating at the top of my class, being singled out several times as the most intelligent in a group and all, I never had a problem with casual conversation or dating. You just don't talk about what might make others uncomfortable. I'm not looking for their approval of what I do anyway.
If I was in casual conversation and didn't want to make myself the center of attention, I'd just claim I was in college and be non descript about my major. When I was working as an engineer, I'd say I was in design instead of saying I was a feasibility engineer. I'd say I was in production instead of saying I was a process engineer. I'd say I did testing instead of declaring myself a Test Engineer Level IV. Let people assume what they will. There's no need to come off as superior in any way in polite conversation unless you want to.
You don't have to blow your own horn. I had a masters degree in engineering and I graduated at the top of my class but I always find a way to relate to the level of the person I'm talking to. If something I did today would come off as boastful, I just don't say it.
The only time this was difficult was in college. When you break the curve just about every time, others notice and ASSume you're stuck on yourself.
In spite of graduating at the top of my class, being singled out several times as the most intelligent in a group and all, I never had a problem with casual conversation or dating. You just don't talk about what might make others uncomfortable. I'm not looking for their approval of what I do anyway.
If I was in casual conversation and didn't want to make myself the center of attention, I'd just claim I was in college and be non descript about my major. When I was working as an engineer, I'd say I was in design instead of saying I was a feasibility engineer. I'd say I was in production instead of saying I was a process engineer. I'd say I did testing instead of declaring myself a Test Engineer Level IV. Let people assume what they will. There's no need to come off as superior in any way in polite conversation unless you want to.
I usually try not to, but the thing is it is often hard to know if you are coming off as tooting your own horn, or just talking about your life. I guess thats life though...its hard to anticipate how people will react. When the guy I mentioned in the previous post asked what I was up to, I simply told him I was living in Texas and still in college, and didn't go into any more detail than that. I guess I only really run into problems with this sort of thing when I'm talking with a girl for the first time who I may be interested in...the line between confidence and cockiness is a hard one to draw.
As far as relating to people less successful/educated than I am..I really don't have a problem with that. Due to my current position in life, nearly all of the people I interact with are at about my level, but I've had many other friends over the years who weren't.
I usually try not to, but the thing is it is often hard to know if you are coming off as tooting your own horn, or just talking about your life. I guess thats life though...its hard to anticipate how people will react. When the guy I mentioned in the previous post asked what I was up to, I simply told him I was living in Texas and still in college, and didn't go into any more detail than that. I guess I only really run into problems with this sort of thing when I'm talking with a girl for the first time who I may be interested in...the line between confidence and cockiness is a hard one to draw.
As far as relating to people less successful/educated than I am..I really don't have a problem with that. Due to my current position in life, nearly all of the people I interact with are at about my level, but I've had many other friends over the years who weren't.
I am having a problem equating success and education in your post. I was a average high school student. Worked many low end jobs. Found my niche in life and at 37 I have all the money I will ever need. I also LOVE fashion. Would you date me??
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Lol. Its sort of like this... I have dozens of abilities and interests and skills... many different personality facets... I am a very complex person, with lots and lots and lots and lots to me. A lot of these interests and facets are so unusual that I almost never find other people with ANYTHING in common... Once in a while I find a gifted person with a handful of things in common, but nowhere near completely compatible... They see that we have two or three of these things in common and go "Wow you are everything I want in a girl!" I see that we have a handful of things in common and go "Wow someone with SOMETHING in common! Yay!" 
