Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Went on a date last night with a guy I met at the car wash, who was also washing his car when I was. Change machine meeting - you know how it goes...
While getting dressed, I panicked. It dawned on me - that the guy was my exact same height....which eliminated several outfits I wanted to wear that are most flattering because the cute shoes that go with them have a 2-1/2" to 3-1/2" heel on them. I ended up wearing something I was only half-happy with that went with something with no heel. I hated it but it was better than feeling my complex too deeply.
This guy has an A+ personality, huge heart, adores the bejeezus out of me, his mind is incredible, awesome sense of humor, he is handsome, great job at the hospital, and wants to take me out again tonight.
BUT!!! - here I am debating on whether or not to cancel because here I am AGAIN looking at my wardrobe and shoes. This time blankly. I have NOTHING to wear with no heel and I am NOT going to be taller than he is - I have HUGE hang-ups about that, I've spoken about it before in threads. I am not going to be tacky and wear flip-flops for an evening date. Hm, unless of course, I request a total casual date and we head to a place to eat off the beach and hang at the beach after or one of the beach bars where I can wear flip flops. But we can't keep doing that every time - and I am not going to go out and buy a whole new wardrobe specialized to go with flats, I do not even like flats - they're so 80's, or I would have a bunch of them.
What would you do IF you had a height complex like I do (and I know a few of you do by your threads) - you find a guy who is so much of what you find desirable and desires you - but you can't get past the height factor and it's affecting what clothes to wear - and if you want to even go out at all. The advice that I should overlook it, won't work, I cannot overlook it.
I already know I am going to be a fool if I let this guy go - but I also know I can't be taller than him because I can't overlook it. He seemed so much taller at the change machine!!!
Help. What would you do beside asking him to walk on his knees???
PS. Same height, and for some reason, I STILL felt taller than him last night. I'm in a pickle. Great guy - and foolish girl???
yes, foolish girl, which if you let him go, you will regret it later. When I was young, I was the very same way as you...I couldn't see that most of the guys who wanted to date me (I was very tall) were my height or a tiny bit shorter. I found out later, the tall guys I dated were players. I'm not saying all tall guys are players, but the ones I dated were....women love tall men...I think it's a comfort thing..for many reasons...one being, they were much taller then myself...I could wear any size heel, but in the end, getting my heart broken, didn't even hold a candle to what I lost in all those nice men, who asked me out, that I wouldn't date.
You can always find a shoe that works without heels...just purchase a few?
Hugs and good luck with this man...take your time....don't come to any conclusions on the first few dates. Some men are great at knowing what we women want....no one is perfect, everyone has flaws so study this man while your dating, ask him questions about things you enjoy...see how he feels, what is most important in any relationship, is mental compatiblity...do not settle, or pretend to be who you are not...be yourself...if he really cares for you, he will admire that.
Hmmm.... (scratches head)
So, you met a guy that was awesome in every aspect, except he was the same height as you are, and you got all upset because you felt that you couldn`t wear your heels around him, because then...you would be taller than he is...is this right??
Readers digest version (again) - this is old hat now, because I ended it. But here goes.....After having been married for 20 years, recently divorced, discovering what I do want and do not want in a man - what is tolerable and what are deal breakers - came across a great guy, but he is shorter than I am attracted to. I am 5'8, he was 5'8. I prefer men 6'0+. In finding that all of my outfits go with shoes that will not keep me at eye-level with him (except flip flops and one pair I cannot stand), this was very uncomfortable to me and a turn-off in person. I still felt taller. I did not want to keep the man in bed on a constant so we are the same height. The attraction was just not there for me due to the height - I ended it, end of story - I will be out with someone who is 6'3 next Saturday night and I will perhaps come and create a thread on his incessant drooling or something just to keep the threads active with eye-poppers.
I am recently divorced, everyone - I am *NOT* looking to re-marry anytime soon, live with anyone, or even get into anything hot and heavy. I am starting to date - first time since I was 15 years old (because I was with ONE man all those years) - I am starting to have the fun and experiences that most people had 20 years or so ago that I did not have. I am trying to figure it all out, be easy on me lol. I have a lot of self-discovery going on in regard to what I like and what I do not like in a man other than what I was used to in my ex-husband. I have new wings. There will be many more dates - and when I am ready for the next "right one" - things will mesh together beautifully, without resistance and fuss.
Last edited by JeepGirl118; 09-28-2008 at 08:38 AM..
be careful...not all tall men, but some of them know, they are in demand...women love them....so, be careful, and do keep us posted.
I dated someone who was 6'3", and I felt wonderfully comfortable with him, until I realized who he really was. He broke my heart...another was 6'1", what a lier and player he was. Men are in high demand...good men are very hard to find, so what I'm saying is...don't let height be the only thing you look for, before dating a man. I know right now, to you fashion is very important, but fashion is a thing. That is all it is...a thing. There has got to be more.
Like I said, I am looking for advice from women who have this same complex and have been in this situation. Fact is, height differences, to many people, are a big issue. Just as some men have issues of being with women who are overweight or taller than him. Same difference. Some may get over it and date outside their norm, I am trying to figure out if I can by this evening. Its not ALL about heels, I stated even in flats last night I still felt taller. Literally all my outfits (babydoll dresses, pants) are made to be with a heel, even most jeans because they are a couple inches longer in length for heels. Its too cool at night now for me for shorts.
This is not all about clothes. Its the psychological factor that drives me to feel this way.
And; you are being honest here................which I can respect.
For the record: I have had a number of 'thin' women hit on me over the years..............being that I vastly prefer hourglass shaped big mama's (Size 12-20 area)-----------I typically would go out with a thin lady on a 'friends only' basis.
In other words; you have your likes and dislikes as well. Could you envision yourself spending the rest of your life with this gentleman: if 'yes', problem solved---------if not, better you found out now.
Note I am a 6' 4" man so my height was not an issue in the dating scene.
Readers digest version (again) - this is old hat now, because I ended it. But here goes.....After having been married for 20 years, recently divorced, discovering what I do want and do not want in a man - what is tolerable and what are deal breakers - came across a great guy, but he is shorter than I am attracted to. I am 5'8, he was 5'8. I prefer men 6'0+. In finding that all of my outfits go with shoes that will not keep me at eye-level with him (except flip flops and one pair I cannot stand), this was very uncomfortable to me and a turn-off in person. I still felt taller. I did not want to keep the man in bed on a constant so we are the same height. The attraction was just not there for me due to the height - I ended it, end of story - I will be out with someone who is 6'3 next Saturday night and I will perhaps come and create a thread on his incessant drooling or something just to keep the threads active with eye-poppers.
I am recently divorced, everyone - I am *NOT* looking to re-marry anytime soon, live with anyone, or even get into anything hot and heavy. I am starting to date - first time since I was 15 years old (because I was with ONE man all those years) - I am starting to have the fun and experiences that most people had 20 years or so ago that I did not have. I am trying to figure it all out, be easy on me lol. I have a lot of self-discovery going on in regard to what I like and what I do not like in a man other than what I was used to in my ex-husband. I have new wings. There will be many more dates - and when I am ready for the next "right one" - things will mesh together beautifully, without resistance and fuss.
Be careful my friend: with your 'attitude'; you will be 'bagged' very quickly by a Mr Right!
The difficult thing with dating is when you are "done" and ready to meet that great guy, he will show up and you will feel that great connection, but he will not be ready for anything serious. He will be where you are now and won't be ready for a good while...
I'm afraid you've pretty much ruled out any solution so you may have to go with your last resort. The only thing left I can think of is the fact that you say it's a psychological issue - so maybe look into therapy to get passed it? That may seem extreme but like I say, you've ruled out anything else I can think of.
It may also be biological: the average woman is about 5" 5' when counting Asians and Indian based Latinas. Whereas the average man is 5' 10"---------a 5" height difference. As for JeepGirl118: she being 5' 8" would 'need' a man who is, minimum 6' 1" to maintain the same ratio.
yes, foolish girl, which if you let him go, you will regret it later. When I was young, I was the very same way as you...I couldn't see that most of the guys who wanted to date me (I was very tall) were my height or a tiny bit shorter. I found out later, the tall guys I dated were players. I'm not saying all tall guys are players, but the ones I dated were....women love tall men...I think it's a comfort thing..for many reasons...one being, they were much taller then myself...I could wear any size heel, but in the end, getting my heart broken, didn't even hold a candle to what I lost in all those nice men, who asked me out, that I wouldn't date.
You can always find a shoe that works without heels...just purchase a few?
Hugs and good luck with this man...take your time....don't come to any conclusions on the first few dates. Some men are great at knowing what we women want....no one is perfect, everyone has flaws so study this man while your dating, ask him questions about things you enjoy...see how he feels, what is most important in any relationship, is mental compatiblity...do not settle, or pretend to be who you are not...be yourself...if he really cares for you, he will admire that.
hugs to you and keep us posted.
Point well taken.
Sometimes had things gone the 'other' way the outcome could have been a whole lot worse.
Many years ago when I was age 16 (I am age 51 now) a 19 YO woman was quite interested in me-----------why I blew her off was due to her having a slight speech impediment. Thinking back on it: I was a prize fool because she was otherwise a nice, warm person (OK face, BBW but hourglass figure, etc).
The above stated: had things gone the other way; this gal may have wound up preggers which could have gotten her charged with statutory 'rape' and worse----------I did not have the emotional/financial maturity to face possible fatherhood at age 16.
Again: things happen for a reason-----------whether we like the results or not.
be careful...not all tall men, but some of them know, they are in demand...women love them....so, be careful, and do keep us posted.
I dated someone who was 6'3", and I felt wonderfully comfortable with him, until I realized who he really was. He broke my heart...another was 6'1", what a lier and player he was. Men are in high demand...good men are very hard to find, so what I'm saying is...don't let height be the only thing you look for, before dating a man. I know right now, to you fashion is very important, but fashion is a thing. That is all it is...a thing. There has got to be more.
Creme
Correction: decent men are in high demand-----------they get snapped up very quickly. Read that guys who have their heads screwed on straight whether they are tall or short.
Correction: decent men are in high demand-----------they get snapped up very quickly. Read that guys who have their heads screwed on straight whether they are tall or short.
yes, that is what I meant, but, probably didn't make myself clear...
decent men are either married or gay....LOL, just kidding...but sorry I didn't make myself clearer.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
