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Is "disappearing" on someone you are dating for maybe 2-3 times or so a disrespectful way to end it? By disappearing I mean just suddenly stopping to return any communication from them.
Yes, it is rude. Is there no way you can talk about the problem or issue with the person over email, instant messenger, or text message? Maybe work out a compromise with him or her?
If the person is constantly nasty, rude, very self absorbed, selfish, and you have no common interests at all then yes just disappear.
If the person that was "disappeared on" showed stalkerish or abusive tendencies, there's NOTHING wrong with it. I've had to quit my job and move to get away from someone I ended a relationship with!
If the person is usually nice and good natured then you should have a discussion in person, over email or instant messenger to resolve differences. That is the mature way.
If the person is hurting your feelings, belittling you, or showing signs of being a toxic person, then just disappear. No problems with that at all. Take care of yourself.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TKramar
If the person that was "disappeared on" showed stalkerish or abusive tendencies, there's NOTHING wrong with it. I've had to quit my job and move to get away from someone I ended a relationship with!
It totally happened to me and I feel for you. Like poof, nothing. I finally caught up with the guy some years later and (I know boys, I'm sure you hate this) I asked him, "Was it me?" and of course he gave me some b.s. answer about how great I was blah blah. Men. By then I was happily married so honestly it didn't matter in the grand scheme of things but you know, some people just "gotta know". When he didn't give me a straight answer that time, I just let it go. Perhaps I'll never know but I guess some things should just be a mystery.
Sometimes you can't be nice and must disappear. I had to leave quickly while my ex was away, because he kept abusing me. I left without any forwarding address, phone. I did not write or call him. I still feel guilty sometimes.
Is "disappearing" on someone you are dating for maybe 2-3 times or so a disrespectful way to end it? By disappearing I mean just suddenly stopping to return any communication from them.
I don't think there is a concrete answer. I don't think that 2 or 3 times, especially without intimacy, is a big investment on either person's part. It's probably "easier." However, you could take the "true adult" spin on it and have "the discussion."
The problem with the discussion is that (1) the other person will ask you to reconsider or "negotiate," or (2) they will CRY which can be controlling and has the opposite effect on me....goodbye! (I have heard that there are policemen who will "throw the book" at women who cry when pulled over for a traffic infraction).
That is the point of having a discussion. A conversation is a two way street not one sided. A discussion is to talk about differences and resolve differences. Let's be mature adults now. Ok.
Quote:
Originally Posted by robertpolyglot
I don't think there is a concrete answer. I don't think that 2 or 3 times, especially without intimacy, is a big investment on either person's part. It's probably "easier." However, you could take the "true adult" spin on it and have "the discussion."
The problem with the discussion is that (1) the other person will ask you to reconsider or "negotiate," or (2) they will CRY which can be controlling and has the opposite effect on me....goodbye! (I have heard that there are policemen who will "throw the book" at women who cry when pulled over for a traffic infraction).
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which can be controlling and has the opposite effect on me....goodbye! (I have heard that there are policemen who will "throw the book" at women who cry when pulled over for a traffic infraction).
