Separated, but seeing each other (wife, movies, woman, love)

[voivod]

ok, my wife and i have been separated about 3 1/2 months. it was her decision. i know she hated my alcohol abuse, much pressures at home with finances, my health. she was not happy. now we're living apart. but we see each other socially quite often. movies (out and in), meals, picnics, shopping, sunday drives, etc. she almost always has fun, at least appears to.

i go out of my way to show her i care, i think she's responding to it by allowing me these "dates." i make sure i give her flowers, appropriate cards, etc.

i have been sober since may 19th. attend AA, individual counseling. i'm working hard to correct the past.

i've been wondering, she has not filed for divorce, she's giving me the gift of her presence on all these "dates," is this something that i can believe is a "second chance?" i'll have as much patience as the Lord will give me. i just want to reconcile. are these the types of things a woman would do if she didn't want me around?

[lovesMountains]

Originally Posted by voivod

ok, my wife and i have been separated about 3 1/2 months. it was her decision. i know she hated my alcohol abuse, much pressures at home with finances, my health. she was not happy. now we're living apart. but we see each other socially quite often. movies (out and in), meals, picnics, shopping, sunday drives, etc. she almost always has fun, at least appears to.

i go out of my way to show her i care, i think she's responding to it by allowing me these "dates." i make sure i give her flowers, appropriate cards, etc.

i have been sober since may 19th. attend AA, individual counseling. i'm working hard to correct the past.

i've been wondering, she has not filed for divorce, she's giving me the gift of her presence on all these "dates," is this something that i can believe is a "second chance?" i'll have as much patience as the Lord will give me. i just want to reconcile. are these the types of things a woman would do if she didn't want me around?

Sounds to me like there is real hope!! Hang in there and stick with AA - THAT is probably the deal breaker for her. If you slip up there she's likely to withdraw this second chance opportunity. Best of luck to you!

[sierraAZ]

Sounds promising to me as well.

[Granny Sue]

Congrats on the sobriety.

I'm the wife of an alchololic that gave my husband a 2nd chance. So there is hope.

As the spouse, we've had so many ups and downs with broken promises so please for the sake of your marriage, stick to AA. She will be skiddish for a while.

Good luck! And be patient with her.

[voivod]

kg-
wasn't there that fear of relapse hanging in your head? and alcoholics are great liars, what about the "oh i've heard this crap before" when hubby told you he'd quit drinking?

[lola8822]

Originally Posted by voivod

ok, my wife and i have been separated about 3 1/2 months. it was her decision. i know she hated my alcohol abuse, much pressures at home with finances, my health. she was not happy. now we're living apart. but we see each other socially quite often. movies (out and in), meals, picnics, shopping, sunday drives, etc. she almost always has fun, at least appears to.

i go out of my way to show her i care, i think she's responding to it by allowing me these "dates." i make sure i give her flowers, appropriate cards, etc.

i have been sober since may 19th. attend AA, individual counseling. i'm working hard to correct the past.

i've been wondering, she has not filed for divorce, she's giving me the gift of her presence on all these "dates," is this something that i can believe is a "second chance?" i'll have as much patience as the Lord will give me. i just want to reconcile. are these the types of things a woman would do if she didn't want me around?

sounds like she really cares about you and really wants you to get better. You are lucky she is giving you this chance so if you want to keep her around you might want to stick with those meetings and your sobriety....good for you...takes a lot of strength to overcome an addiction, you should be proud.

[voivod]

how should i handle reconciliation. slllowww, patient, i don't have much of that patience

[Granny Sue]

Originally Posted by voivod

kg-
wasn't there that fear of relapse hanging in your head? and alcoholics are great liars, what about the "oh i've heard this crap before" when hubby told you he'd quit drinking?

Yes...for the 1st year.
I truly had given up. And told him so.
He came home with Odoul's, I didn't see that it was non -alcholic and just started to cry.
This was 12 years ago. He still has to deal with the drinkers...and I mean heavy drinkers...in his family but has stuck to it.

I told him it was drinking or me. Luckily he chose me.

Keep up the good work. It's not easy but worth it.

[voivod]

interesting kg,
did you tell him you had given up on the marriage? if so, how did you "go back" on that? i believe my wife told me she had given up. what? then why all the fun times together?

[vukinjo]

Its very tough being the wife of an alcoholic, that much I can tell you. I gave my ex-husband many, many chances and did not ask for a divorce until I had lost all hope of him wanting to be sober.

Prior to that though, a good day of not drinking could easily bring back fun happy times. I would imagine she still loves you and loves spending time with you while sober. That doesn't just go away that easily.

If you want to reconcile, please make your sobriety a priority. You both will win.