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Old 10-05-2008, 12:17 AM
 
Location: Whittier, California
330 posts, read 1,310,888 times
Reputation: 134

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Quote:
Originally Posted by sierraAZ View Post
Hell, no. However, if it weren't for this gigantic problem, this marriage was easier than the one after it when I went all out looking for looove and passion... I just mentioned a book on Stuck's "hot chick" thread. The author was saying just that and I'm convinced of it - when the person you're with is not perceived by you as a "soulmate," the relationship may be less passionate but a lot calmer.

My other experiment was a "learning experience," but we didn't stay together long enough to learn anything. It was just totally amazing... You'd think we had everything - attraction, being generally decent people (but damaged evidently), having good jobs, financially alright, no kids and families to interfere... and yet... no go! Of course, I've been exploring the subject after the milk was spilled. Before I figured like most you just wave a magic wand and everything falls into place. So did he... Yeah, we certainly shared this magical thinking. No people in their right minds get engaged on the 3rd weekend together... The difference is at least I'm taking my sweet time and still not doing anything stupid while he started living with somebody shortly after our divorce.



Same here. Not a fan... I think a lot of marriages could be saved if the way out weren't so damn easy and fast. People need time to detach somewhat, think and reevaluate. Many might come to the conclusion the grass is not necessarily greener - alone or with somebody else.
That is very true. People only want to marry their "Soulmate". Whatever that is. It is not all about rapidly beating hearts and fireworks. That is more like a crush or infatuation. Which isn't the healthiest thing in the long run. Relationships take effort and sometimes work. People can have a healthier, more stable and mature connection to each other when they marry. I could have dated more in HS, if I would have gone out with the guys who wanted to date me. I thought it had to be someone I had a big crush on. Him or no one mentality. You are not always going to get that. I realized that was wrong and I missed out. After I graduated, I accepted if someone asked. We could go out and not be all in love. Just have a good time. I was infatuated with my friend's brother. He wasn't interested and I got frustrated and angry. I could have accepted that we were not meant to be a couple, instead of fighting with him. He wasn't going to remember what I said or make any type of connection. It wasn't there at his end. I could get more attention from someone else who likes me for myself if I give him a chance.

Last edited by Texasturkey; 10-05-2008 at 12:33 AM..
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Old 10-05-2008, 12:21 AM
 
Location: chicago
89 posts, read 266,840 times
Reputation: 24
I'm not gonna say which gender has it worse when it comes to dating, or who has it tougher but i think that guys have more options when it comes to which gender looks better along with having a good personality. Honestly, I think theres a lot of girls out there who are pretty cute and they are educated, smart, etc. When it comes to guys on the other hand I find that there aren't as many attractive men and then theres a lot of douche bags out there too, just because you're good looking doesnt mean you'll have a good personality too. Point is there are very few men out there who are the full package. I'm not gonna say I'm drop dead gorgeous but im nowhere near fat or ugly and its not that easy for me to date, in fact ive been single for a long time but thats because I don't want to settle for just anything. First of all I think its important for a couple to be able to be friends before they can be lovers because in order for a relationships to work there needs to be more then just sex. I want a guy who firstly I'm attracted to (meaning someone who has hair, who's not fat, is tall etc) also someone who is educated and has goals in life, isnt dirty or sloppy, someone i get along with, can make me laugh etc...point is there are a lot of requirements that it seems like are hard to find all in one person. And so its easy to say its easy to date for girl who'll settle for the first guy who comes up to them...unfortunately those relationships dont last that long anyway..
Also we have to put up with all the creeps in this world who hit on us when they clearly know they have no chance...I never hear a man complaining that hes getting hit on by a creepy girl at a random bar/club whatever..
so my long post i guess goes to say its tough to date no matter what gender you are if you wont settle for just anyone...if you're picky and want the whole package its not as easy to date..
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Old 10-05-2008, 12:31 AM
 
Location: Whittier, California
330 posts, read 1,310,888 times
Reputation: 134
Quote:
Originally Posted by b0nb0n View Post
I'm not gonna say which gender has it worse when it comes to dating, or who has it tougher but i think that guys have more options when it comes to which gender looks better along with having a good personality. Honestly, I think theres a lot of girls out there who are pretty cute and they are educated, smart, etc. When it comes to guys on the other hand I find that there aren't as many attractive men and then theres a lot of douche bags out there too, just because you're good looking doesnt mean you'll have a good personality too. Point is there are very few men out there who are the full package. I'm not gonna say I'm drop dead gorgeous but im nowhere near fat or ugly and its not that easy for me to date, in fact ive been single for a long time but thats because I don't want to settle for just anything. First of all I think its important for a couple to be able to be friends before they can be lovers because in order for a relationships to work there needs to be more then just sex. I want a guy who firstly I'm attracted to (meaning someone who has hair, who's not fat, is tall etc) also someone who is educated and has goals in life, isnt dirty or sloppy, someone i get along with, can make me laugh etc...point is there are a lot of requirements that it seems like are hard to find all in one person. And so its easy to say its easy to date for girl who'll settle for the first guy who comes up to them...unfortunately those relationships dont last that long anyway..
Also we have to put up with all the creeps in this world who hit on us when they clearly know they have no chance...I never hear a man complaining that hes getting hit on by a creepy girl at a random bar/club whatever..
so my long post i guess goes to say its tough to date no matter what gender you are if you wont settle for just anyone...if you're picky and want the whole package its not as easy to date..
Men want pretty women with great personalities to match. What else do thet want? I know a woman who is very pretty, great personality, sense of humor and the life of the party. But, she is also disorganized, forgetful, irresponsible, flighty, and at times a scatterbrain. Some men would overlook that for her other qualities. They need to remember that is who she is. They will know not to be too disappointed when she doesn't pull her weight in the marriage and it becomes all about her and what she wants.
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Old 10-05-2008, 12:35 AM
 
Location: Tucson
42,831 posts, read 87,956,915 times
Reputation: 22814
Quote:
Originally Posted by Texasturkey View Post
It is not all about rapidly beating hearts and fireworks. That is more like a crush or infatuation. Which isn't the healthiest thing in the long run.

Now I know. Still can't help it, though. That's why I stay away from trouble. Stupidity tends to repeat itself just like history.

Btw, the calmer marriage I was talking about wasn't based on butterflies in the stomach/aka anxiety/aka your body's way of warning you about "danger ahead", so I have good basis for comparison.

Well, nice talking with you, gobble-gobble. Have a nice weekend!
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Old 10-05-2008, 12:36 AM
 
Location: Whittier, California
330 posts, read 1,310,888 times
Reputation: 134
Quote:
Originally Posted by sierraaz View Post
that's not too bad yet!:d at least it's not like the lady in this joke about the old couple having breakfast naked together who told her husband she's still hot for him and he pointed out that's because one of her boobs was in her cup of coffee.:d
omg! (lol).
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Old 10-05-2008, 12:41 AM
 
Location: Whittier, California
330 posts, read 1,310,888 times
Reputation: 134
Quote:
Originally Posted by sierraAZ View Post
Now I know. Still can't help it, though. That's why I stay away from trouble. Stupidity tends to repeat itself just like history.

Btw, the calmer marriage I was talking about wasn't based on butterflies in the stomach/aka anxiety/aka your body's way of warning you about "danger ahead", so I have good basis for comparison.

Well, nice talking with you, gobble-gobble. Have a nice weekend!
Yes. No matter how old I may get, I can still get a crush like a 16 year old. To tell the truth, I really don't like to feel that way. Especially if there is not a reciprocation. Nice talking to you and enjoy the rest of your weekend.
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Old 10-05-2008, 12:03 PM
 
935 posts, read 2,406,067 times
Reputation: 470
I think it depends on a bunch of factors. I've seen some rather unattractive women who have had sex and dated a ton of guys. I have also seen some rather beautiful women who are in their 20's and 30's and still have not been able to get a guy to go out with them on a date. According to a couple of friends, guys might feel intimidated by women who are rather beautiful and think they must have a boyfriend. Or, they are sometimes intimidated by women who have a higher education, better job, etc.

I actually have a friend who is very beautiful (with a slight exotic look to her) and have seen her being turned down by guys who then go on dates with her plainer looking friends. I asked a guy friend about this and he said this to me, "Her friends are easy. They are more likely to give in to a guy than your friend. She is the type who would turn down sex and who doesn't necessarily NEED a guy while her friends would cave." I'm not saying all men are like this, far from it, but it's just a few things to think about for those who think that pretty women get all the men.
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Old 10-05-2008, 12:19 PM
 
14,727 posts, read 33,264,687 times
Reputation: 8949
Quote:
Originally Posted by eastidahomom View Post
The dating game is nuts. I try not to date unless some guy really catches my attention. But I'll take all the friends I can get.

The best "dates" to me are those that begin as a friendship. That way you have the options of keeping it there, or taking it a step further to see what happens. But friendships take time and most men don't want to wait that long. They either try to hurry you into something you aren't ready for, or they don't hurry you and find someone else.
I agree with everything you said until the last couple of sentences. Most of the ones that want to rush are the women I know.
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Old 10-05-2008, 12:21 PM
 
Location: southern california
61,289 posts, read 87,134,660 times
Reputation: 55550
maybe but certainly being beaned by a rough woman is not my idea of dating.
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Old 10-05-2008, 12:24 PM
 
14,727 posts, read 33,264,687 times
Reputation: 8949
Quote:
Originally Posted by artsyguy View Post
By tomboy do you mean really masculine women?

I don't know what kind of man would want a masculine woman...seriously.
It's more of a sublety - not really that masculine, but tomboyish enough where it's an irritant and where you sit there and see a more traditionally feminine woman on a date or in a social gathering with other people and you kind of wish you weren't on a date with the person you're with.

By the way, when this has happened, they have shown the initial interest (gee, we have the education, age, cultural background in common, etc.) and they essentially asked me out.
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