sexless marriage (wife, men, love, attracted)

[islandmommy]

Anyone else in a sexless marriage or know anyone who is one?

Oh god this sucks. How do I manage the frustration.

"Sexless marriage" means sex 6 or fewer times a year. We average about 1 time a year, sometimes 0.

I have tried talking to him countless times (he says what's the problem), counseling (again, what's the problem), wearing lingerie (he asks me why I have that stuff on), offering to watch p*rn (I don't really like it but would watch it with him), he's not interested. I am thin and have often been told I'm very attractive. I don't smell bad and my teeth are straight. I'm willing to do just about anything between the sheets.

It has always been this way between us. I went ahead and married him because I loved him so much and "though he would eventually change."

I asked him once if he was gay, he said no. The one time I found him with hidden p*rn on his computer, it was straight... so I guess I believe him.

Help please!!

[Capt. Cave Man]

Sorry to hear about your situation. If I may, How old is he? How many kids are in the house?

My wife & I had a similar problem, she had a low sex drive. I read some books and I read alot on a site called Marriage builders. Our problem had to do w/emotional needs that I was not giving her.

Best thing to do is talk to him and try to get him to open up to you. Make him his favorite meal, give him a back rub, etc.

Wish I could help more.

Good luck Island

[60-minutes-II]

why dont you just initiate sex?

[ESFP]

You know, there's a movie you may relate to. Filmed in 1996 with Barbra Streisand & Jeff Bridges (among many others) called The Mirror Has Two Faces. It's about 2 people who married in a platonic relationship, prefering the intellectual over the physical. Not only is it a very entertaining movie, it may help you. Spoiler: It has a happy ending.

[timmy22]

Originally Posted by islandmommy

Anyone else in a sexless marriage or know anyone who is one?

Oh god this sucks. How do I manage the frustration.

"Sexless marriage" means sex 6 or fewer times a year. We average about 1 time a year, sometimes 0.

I have tried talking to him countless times (he says what's the problem), counseling (again, what's the problem), wearing lingerie (he asks me why I have that stuff on), offering to watch p*rn (I don't really like it but would watch it with him), he's not interested. I am thin and have often been told I'm very attractive. I don't smell bad and my teeth are straight. I'm willing to do just about anything between the sheets.

It has always been this way between us. I went ahead and married him because I loved him so much and "though he would eventually change."

I asked him once if he was gay, he said no. The one time I found him with hidden p*rn on his computer, it was straight... so I guess I believe him.

Help please!!

Sorry I have no advice to give here.

Your points were:
We average about 1 time a year, sometimes 0.
I have tried talking to him countless times.
It has always been this way between us.

Some men have low Labido's but not like this.
This would only make sense if you married
in your 70's and you are now in your 80's.
If your not in this age group
something is clearly wrong.

[SD4020]

Is he on any sort of medications? How long has this been going on?

[CdnNorthernGirl]

Don't feel alone....I'm in the same type of marriage and have been since we were first married. I thought it was a shyness.... but nope....he's just not interested. It's now been 3 years since we last had sex, and I'm so very frustrated, but he's such a great guy and we get along great!! It's hard to live in a relationship like this, and many times have thought of leaving him and to this day still think about it. We never had children (he didn't want them) and I do feel so very alone and undesireable. Like you, I take care of myself and have tried EVERYTHING to try to create some interst.

{{Hugs to you}} because I can totally relate...

[Movie Lover]

Hes looking at porn on the web meaning that he wants someone more attractive then you. The other way is to get rid of the computer and he'll look at you more or because of the computer going may turn violent as the people he likes are gone.

[anadyr21]

The fact that you found porn is interesting. Some possibilities:
1. he grew up in a household where sex was "dirty" and still has that mentality
2. he just isn't that interested in sex
3. low libido
4. he has some medical reason why his sex drive is low. medication, low testosterone, depression, etc
5. as attractive as you might be, he may not be attracted to YOU. This is why the porn thing stuck out. For whatever reason, you don't fulfull his desires (this is not a knock on you, but on him)
6. he's banging someone else and has no desire for you
7. he's on the DL
Really interesting that he won't watch porn with you but has some hidden.

[professorsenator]

islandmommy, does your husband recognize that he has a very low libido or does he think he's normal/typical? Was he sexually active before you married? Is he willing to provide some sexual stimulation for you other than intercourse?