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Old 10-06-2008, 11:28 AM
 
Location: Columbia Maryland
333 posts, read 922,291 times
Reputation: 113

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I was reading the thread on "Shopping around" and it made me think about arranged marriages.

At my company there are lot of people from India that have arranged marriages. To my surprise, they seem to work.

A good friend of mine has an arranged marriage and we have talked about it at length. She says that she did not meet her husband until the day of their wedding. Now they live here and have a 5 year old daughter and seem to be doing very well; they get along, no abuse or anything like that.

What surprises me is that people with choice in their spouse seem to stay together more than people who can choose.

I wanted to know what were some opinions on arranged marriages. Anyone in one, that wants to share some personal experiences, would be really great.
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Old 10-06-2008, 11:40 AM
 
Location: Tucson
42,837 posts, read 79,072,774 times
Reputation: 22814
Quote:
Originally Posted by ajs5mz2 View Post
I wanted to know what were some opinions on arranged marriages. Anyone in one, that wants to share some personal experiences, would be really great.
I had a thread on this topic some time ago. You might wanna dig it out and read it.
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Old 10-06-2008, 11:57 AM
 
Location: Incognito
7,005 posts, read 18,630,778 times
Reputation: 5464
It seems to work for some people. I am arranging the marriage of my unborn daughter to sierra's unborn boy.
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Old 10-06-2008, 12:04 PM
 
Location: Bay Area
2,406 posts, read 6,981,044 times
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I think its cultural. If its been in your culture for hundreds of years, than it is easy to accept. If it hasn't then its not. Many are raised in the US to pave their own way, explore, and not quite as traditional an outlook as an India and other countries where parents are given more control. Also religion, plays a factor. I don't know the facts but assume it may be a part of their religion to have arranged marriages.
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Old 10-06-2008, 12:04 PM
 
Location: Tucson
42,837 posts, read 79,072,774 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr.Cat View Post
It seems to work for some people. I am arranging the marriage of my unborn daughter to sierra's unborn boy.
Not a smart choice! You want your girl be an ol' spinster or what?!
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Old 10-06-2008, 12:31 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,269 posts, read 88,551,127 times
Reputation: 39866
Quote:
Originally Posted by ajs5mz2 View Post
I was reading the thread on "Shopping around" and it made me think about arranged marriages.

At my company there are lot of people from India that have arranged marriages. To my surprise, they seem to work.

A good friend of mine has an arranged marriage and we have talked about it at length. She says that she did not meet her husband until the day of their wedding. Now they live here and have a 5 year old daughter and seem to be doing very well; they get along, no abuse or anything like that.

What surprises me is that people with choice in their spouse seem to stay together more than people who can choose.

I wanted to know what were some opinions on arranged marriages. Anyone in one, that wants to share some personal experiences, would be really great.
I think they work for the most part because they are more like business arrangements than what we westerners consider true marriages. In the Judeo-Christian world, marriage is a sacrament, a covenant with God. We chose our partners based on mutual love - a love we believe reflects God's love for us. Take out the component of love and all you are left with are the details of working out a life together that is mutually beneficial to both parties and their families. Sounds kind of cold and not appealing to me at all. But I do recognize that it is what Indians accept as what is expected of them and it does work in their culture.
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Old 10-06-2008, 12:34 PM
 
Location: Tucson
42,837 posts, read 79,072,774 times
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Originally Posted by lovesMountains View Post
I think they work for the most part because they are more like business arrangements than what we westerners consider true marriages. In the Judeo-Christian world, marriage is a sacrament, a covenant with God. We chose our partners based on mutual love - a love we believe reflects God's love for us. Take out the component of love and all you are left with are the details of working out a life together that is mutually beneficial to both parties and their families. Sounds kind of cold and not appealing to me at all. But I do recognize that it is what Indians accept as what is expected of them and it does work in their culture.
Trouble started right after mixing marriage too much with love and passion began...
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Old 10-06-2008, 12:46 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,269 posts, read 88,551,127 times
Reputation: 39866
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Originally Posted by sierraAZ View Post
Trouble started right after mixing marriage too much with love and passion began...
Yeah, the trouble with falling in love is that some people lose all good sense at the same time
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Old 10-06-2008, 12:51 PM
 
13,092 posts, read 13,691,553 times
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i would say they work because it is a business contract that the parties agree to.

It's sort of like working at a job for most of us, we do it because that's how we get money to eat, and we feel we don't really have a choice in the matter. We may not be thrilled about it but it is a given of our existence for a lot of us, so we accept it and make the best of it.

Last edited by Tzaphkiel; 10-06-2008 at 01:13 PM..
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Old 10-06-2008, 12:57 PM
 
Location: Tucson
42,837 posts, read 79,072,774 times
Reputation: 22814
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains View Post
Yeah, the trouble with falling in love is that some people lose all good sense at the same time
That's what it's supposed to be about, isn't it...

Falling in love consists merely in uncorking the imagination and bottling the common-sense.
--Helen Rowland
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