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Old 10-09-2008, 02:34 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,218 posts, read 100,435,573 times
Reputation: 40197

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ultimate_lady View Post
If that is truly the case...then I guess I will never be married! I worked entirely too hard to obtain my degrees to give up my career. I refuse to settle for less when I am worth so much more.
In that case, you probably won't. But being single is not the end of the world - some people just aren't cut out for marriage or manogamy. This relationship you are in does seem at a dead end though if you ask me. He won't move to you, you won't move to him...at some point one of you is more than likely going to really need the daily physical contact with another human being. Unless your significant other is in the military or something where the separation is for a specified amount of time and you know it will one day end, why would you want to live this way indefinitely? It's already been 4 YEARS!
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Old 10-09-2008, 02:43 PM
 
Location: Pacific NW
391 posts, read 871,173 times
Reputation: 105
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ultimate_lady View Post
If that is truly the case...then I guess I will never be married! I worked entirely too hard to obtain my degrees to give up my career. I refuse to settle for less when I am worth so much more.
Do we ever really know what is going through a mans head? Especially if they do not tell us. Maybe he is the kind of person that does not like change and loves his firemen coworkers and it would be too unsettling for him to move. If you can find your career near him and are willing to go no matter what, whether he wants you for his partner or not. Then you should go. Don't turn your world upside down for an uncommitted relationship though. There could be many reasons he might not be telling you everything. Take your time, investigate, check out job opportunities and if it feels right take the job and move. Listen to yourself. Think about what you have posted. You sound like you are unsure of him. Seek the truth and explain to him what you want but if it is not what he wants, to please tell you before you turn your world upside down. It is only fair for him to be completely honest. Good luck. I will pray for a good outcome for you.
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Old 10-09-2008, 03:42 PM
 
Location: Maryland
27 posts, read 147,239 times
Reputation: 17
Thanks for the post Chey2U. You are right, we never really know what is going on in a man's head. They are truly complicated creatures (yet simple at the sametime). I am VERY sure of him and what I want from our relationship. And I do understand that relationships do take work. I'll just keep praying about it and see what happens.
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Old 10-09-2008, 05:18 PM
 
Location: Coachella Valley, California
15,639 posts, read 40,956,169 times
Reputation: 13467
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ultimate_lady View Post
If that is truly the case...then I guess I will never be married! I worked entirely too hard to obtain my degrees to give up my career. I refuse to settle for less when I am worth so much more.
I like your attitude! That's the spirit!!!
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Old 10-09-2008, 10:32 PM
YBF
 
Location: Atlanta, Ga
1,260 posts, read 3,351,354 times
Reputation: 585
Thumbs up Pop up on him.

Quote:
Originally Posted by eyeofthestorm View Post
I would go out there, and not tell him you're coming. Just to see what's up. If we're wrong, no harm no foul. But if we're right, best to find out before either of you make any big decisions, like moving


Me too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Old 10-09-2008, 10:44 PM
YBF
 
Location: Atlanta, Ga
1,260 posts, read 3,351,354 times
Reputation: 585
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ultimate_lady View Post
You stay in a long distance relationship for 4 years because you love each other and are willing to make it work. Situations and circumstances (careers & school) would not allow us to be physically together until now. He is ready for us to be in the same state, I just don't know why he is in this funk all of a sudden.
I dont believe that. I think if love was that strong then one of you would have made the SACRIFICE to be together alot sooner. Im sorry. 4 years of being that far apart and still no commitment on either of your parts as to who will move????????? IDK smh And IMO him backing out just showed that he has doubts about this relationship. Whether or not there is another woman I would be prepared for a break up. I would have a serious conversation with him and ask direct questions about the relationship and not be safe and hear only what I wanted to. Whats going to happening if you dont is you are going to move there to be disappointed. Syracuse doesnt have that much to offer so good luck on that.
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Old 10-09-2008, 10:45 PM
YBF
 
Location: Atlanta, Ga
1,260 posts, read 3,351,354 times
Reputation: 585
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains View Post
I'm sorry, if the man is not willing to swim thru crocidile infested waters to bring you a glass of lemonade on a hot day - he is not the man to marry or move in with if you hope to one day marry. By the same token, if you aren't willing to put the relationship before your career, YOU aren't the woman for him either, right now.

When people truly love one another they will walk thru fire for one another. There is no shame in not being ready for that kind of committment, but if that kind of commitment is not there the relationship is not ready for the next step, marriage.
So very true!!!!!!
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Old 10-09-2008, 10:47 PM
YBF
 
Location: Atlanta, Ga
1,260 posts, read 3,351,354 times
Reputation: 585
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains View Post
In that case, you probably won't. But being single is not the end of the world - some people just aren't cut out for marriage or manogamy. This relationship you are in does seem at a dead end though if you ask me. He won't move to you, you won't move to him...at some point one of you is more than likely going to really need the daily physical contact with another human being. Unless your significant other is in the military or something where the separation is for a specified amount of time and you know it will one day end, why would you want to live this way indefinitely? It's already been 4 YEARS!
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Old 10-09-2008, 11:42 PM
 
34 posts, read 134,926 times
Reputation: 24
I would have to say that I think it's time to break it off. I was in a on and off relationship with the same person for nearly 4 years. Towards the end of the relationship we took a trip up to Ohio to visit my dad's side of the family (I live in Florida and my mom's side lives here) She fell in love with Ohio and at the time I thought I did too. However, after a few weeks after I got back home I had 2nd thoughts about Ohio. She refused to stay here in Florida and I refused to leave so I broke things off. It just didn't work out as she was very set on moving and I didn't want to deal with the cold weather, snow, etc.
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Old 10-10-2008, 05:45 AM
 
Location: El Paso, TX
2,807 posts, read 7,563,864 times
Reputation: 3294
Quote:
Originally Posted by YBF View Post
I would have a serious conversation with him and ask direct questions about the relationship and not be safe and hear only what I wanted to. Whats going to happening if you dont is you are going to move there to be disappointed. Syracuse doesnt have that much to offer so good luck on that.
Syracuse is a truly wretched place to live...iI was stuck there from the age of 10 until I graduated high school, at which point I FLED!!! It's rainy & gray almost every day that it's not snowing, you spend about 20 minutes scraping the ice off your windshield & waiting for the car to heat up if you decide to venture out, it's got the lamest nightlife you've ever seen, the city is ugly, the fashions are worse, and there are A LOT of closed-minded attitudes...please don't get stuck there!!! Make sure this guy is the real deal before you condemn yourself to the hell that Syracuse is!!! I'm really NOT kidding!!!!!!
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