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Old 02-27-2011, 05:49 PM
 
Location: middle of everywhere
1,863 posts, read 4,289,526 times
Reputation: 1915

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Quote:
Originally Posted by longdistancequeen View Post
11 ways that says you are not his girlfriend

1. Not on the same page with the relationship

2. never met his family and friends

3. Not his date at major events

7.You never seen his place

8.last minutes changes freak his out

10. He is worming at future talk

11. Hot to see you and Cold when you leave.

Things are always on his terms
At a brief time in my life when I was a player at worst, and selfish at best, I was in a long distance relationship. In those points above, I did that to a guy who swore we would have been together. Whenever panic (or truth) nagged him at times, I was forced to say everything he wanted to hear about us eventually being together. When the 'date' came near, I had every reason for it to be the wrong time. If he had read between the lines, or straight up took me at face value, paying attention to everything I DID, and not all I SAID- he would have realized the hard truth.

I know others who have been in LDR, and if they want to be together, they figure out a way. Burning up the phone or emails on how to make it work. Not just, "Oh yeah, we'll do it someday/next year/in the future."
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Old 02-27-2011, 07:45 PM
 
Location: Down Yonder
343 posts, read 601,702 times
Reputation: 375
Hi everybody. I just ended something similar myself one week ago tonight with a guy that lives 700 miles from me. Let me preface my situation by saying long distance relationships CAN work if the time and effort is put into them. A friend of mine who lived in California and came to Pennsylvania for a visit met her future husband on that visit. They couldn't bear to be separated from each other and he eventually moved to CA within 3 months. They are back in PA after a few years. My cousin's husband met my cousin while they lived 100 miles apart. When they were first dating as soon as the weekend came, he would get up at 3am on a Saturday and drive to her house and spend the whole weekend with her and all of his vacation. So, see, if you are willing to put in the work, long distance relationships can work.

I don't know what to even call my "relationship" with this guy. We weren't dating but, well, here it goes. We met online in 2004, got to know each other by email and phone calls. I really liked him and we fit on religion, politics, music, values, humor, etc. I could talk to him about anything or "nothing." I finally met him in 2007. I went to visit him. Things became romantic and somewhat intimate. He visited me a few months later. We only saw each other once a year after that. Talked about getting together other times but something always came up. I continued to date guys back home but didn't click with anyone.

Whenever I brought up moving near him and getting a job (he would never move north because of the weather) and wanting him to be a PART of my life (stressed that so he wouldn't be freaked) he would say, "Well, there are jobs in 'fill in the blank of the major cities surrounding his'. Yet, he'd be romantic and loving to a degree but never wanted sex. He go through the motions to a certain point and say "Let's just relax?" Huh? Now, he is religious and so am I, but, when you feel (or at least I did) that strongly toward someone and show intimate feelings......

Whenever he visited, he met my aunt and uncle (parents are deceased) and my friends. I never met anybody when I visited. (Like the aforementioned list says)

I had a talk with him after New Year's. We discussed where we were and he said that he was afraid of relationships because he saw his friends marriages have troubles. I explained all relationships have problems but that you work them out. He's 43. He explained to me that he has NEVER had a relationship and has only gone on a few dates here and there. He only called me once a week (I have called him during the week as well) and agreed to call more and text and email more. He never did. I always asked if he wanted to get married and have kids one day. He said yes but was hesitant.

My final straw was Valentine's Day. He always sent me a Valentine's Day card and vice-versa. They were a bit more romantic in the beginning. I got a cute one with a dog on the front - I sent him one that stressed he was an important part of my life and I wrote inside how I hoped things could grow and get better this year. I emailed him VD night to see if he got the card. I got an email Friday thanking me for the card. That's it, nothing about what it said. When I talked to him last Sunday and asked him about what was said in the card, he said it was nice and that he cherishes anything he gets from me. I asked how he would describe us and he said really good friends with the possibility of more. He said his feelings changed for me ( doesn't know when but you can be sure it was after last month) and that he doesn't know if I can be a part of his future but it can change in a few months. He goes by life day to day, doesn't plan ahead and is not an emotional person, although you could have heard him sniffling in the background when I told him that I won't be talking with him anymore. He said he likes talking with me - I told him it hurts too much. I asked him how he would feel if I was engaged to another man or eloping with another man. He said it would hurt him because it was too soon and that he cared about me. I told him he contradicted himself. When I asked him again if there was another woman he said again no. Yes, he could he be lying but I really doubt it given his insecurities. Oh and did I mention he talks about his mother incessantly (she lives 2 hours from him). Now I am glad he doesn't hate her but he had a choice to come visit me last October or visit with her: guess who he picked? Yeah, that's me slamming my head. He sees her and talks with her all the time. (His father is deceased).

Please don't call me stupid. I'm 38 and as Dr. Phil once said something like "not one more day stupid." i really thought in the back of my mind that he could be "The One" because we had so much in common and that he was a "good guy" and he showed affection. Never thought of him as "selfish" as a relative put it but he was. He knew how I felt about the future - why not just come out and say that he didn't feel that way. He liked having a "pen-pal" too much. He sure didn't use me for sex. I know I should have cut off communication a lot sooner but I guess I wasn't emotionally ready to do it.

Sorry to have hijacked the thread but it has been cathartic to read everything on here and to have posted this. Ultimate Lady, you deserve better and I deserve better. Best of luck to you.
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Old 02-27-2011, 07:56 PM
 
Location: Down Yonder
343 posts, read 601,702 times
Reputation: 375
BTW, when I brought up about moving last week, he said what if it didn't work. I said that was my chance to take, my choice to make. If it didn't work out, I'd come back home. I told him life is about taking chances and that I didn't want to have any regrets. I told him life is too short. At least I can express my feelings.
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