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Ok, so I've been in a long-distance relationship for almost four years now. I am completely in love with my boyfriend and would do anything to make this relationship work. The only issue that we've ever had in our relationship was the distance. He and I had planned for four years that he was going to move to MD and we would start a life together and then about three weeks ago he decided that he didn't want to move, and the distance was starting to get to him, but he doesn't want to end our relationship. I had begun noticing that we saw less and less of each other, but continued to speak to each other everyday. I don't have the "women's intuition" that he is seeing someone else (and I really don't feel that is the case). Initially I was hurt, then angy and then I moved into action and said, "you know what...I'll move!"
Well, he came to visit me in MD and we had a wonderful time, he actually said that he was feeling much better and didn't know what was wrong with him. In speaking to one of his best friends (who happens to live here) he indicated that he does love me, wants to be with me and knows that he is acting like a jerk. Well, when he went back home several days later, he was back in a funk and back to not knowing what he wants again. Is that normal? I mean at first I thought he was going through the "Oh my goodness I'm about to be 30" phase but he insists that is not the case. I have asked several times if we should end this relationship and he doesn't want that to happen. He has even made plans with my mother to go on a cruise...what in the world could this man be going through? He tells me one thing and then tells my family and his friends something completely different!! What do you think? HELP!
Ok, so I've been in a long-distance relationship for almost four years now. I am completely in love with my boyfriend and would do anything to make this relationship work. The only issue that we've ever had in our relationship was the distance. He and I had planned for four years that he was going to move to MD and we would start a life together and then about three weeks ago he decided that he didn't want to move, and the distance was starting to get to him, but he doesn't want to end our relationship. I had begun noticing that we saw less and less of each other, but continued to speak to each other everyday. I don't have the "women's intuition" that he is seeing someone else (and I really don't feel that is the case). Initially I was hurt, then angy and then I moved into action and said, "you know what...I'll move!"
Well, he came to visit me in MD and we had a wonderful time, he actually said that he was feeling much better and didn't know what was wrong with him. In speaking to one of his best friends (who happens to live here) he indicated that he does love me, wants to be with me and knows that he is acting like a jerk. Well, when he went back home several days later, he was back in a funk and back to not knowing what he wants again. Is that normal? I mean at first I thought he was going through the "Oh my goodness I'm about to be 30" phase but he insists that is not the case. I have asked several times if we should end this relationship and he doesn't want that to happen. He has even made plans with my mother to go on a cruise...what in the world could this man be going through? He tells me one thing and then tells my family and his friends something completely different!! What do you think? HELP!
Sorry, I do think there is probably another woman in the picture. Not that I'm accusing him of cheating, but I do think there may be a woman who has caught his fancy that makes him doubt now whether he wants to pursue her or stick with you.
How did he react when you suggested you'd be the one to move near him?
How do you stay in a long distance relationship for 4 yrs? I think there may be another woman. But in any case I dont see you guys lasting much longer. After 4yrs of long distance he should be more than ready for you guys to be together......prepare for the worst...hope for the best.
I agree with the posters above, sounds like another woman. Have you thought about moving to HIM? See his reaction by suggesting it....that should speak volumes. If there is another woman, he should be a little resistant to the suggestion.
I have to say too, that the signs point to another woman. As soon as you offered to move, he came out to you.
Sorry - I was in the same predicament as you, and didn't see the signs either. Now I can spot them easily. I would go out there, and not tell him you're coming. Just to see what's up. If we're wrong, no harm no foul. But if we're right, best to find out before either of you make any big decisions, like moving.
When I found out my BF was with someone else, and then he picked me over her, I hightailed it out to where he was. I moved with no thought of anything except to get my butt there before he did it again. Big mistake. If BOTH us us had followed our plans (which included exclusivity and NO cheating), I wouldn't have been without a decent job for a year, and wouldn't have to put up with hearing HER name.
I agree with the posters above, sounds like another woman. Have you thought about moving to HIM? See his reaction by suggesting it....that should speak volumes. If there is another woman, he should be a little resistant to the suggestion.
Exactly why I want to hear what his reaction was when she said she'd move. IF the only problem was him not wanting to give up his city/job he should be OVERJOYED that she has agreed to move. If he isn't, then the relationship is not going anywhere.
Ok, so I've been in a long-distance relationship for almost four years now. I am completely in love with my boyfriend and would do anything to make this relationship work. The only issue that we've ever had in our relationship was the distance. He and I had planned for four years that he was going to move to MD and we would start a life together and then about three weeks ago he decided that he didn't want to move, and the distance was starting to get to him, but he doesn't want to end our relationship. I had begun noticing that we saw less and less of each other, but continued to speak to each other everyday. I don't have the "women's intuition" that he is seeing someone else (and I really don't feel that is the case). Initially I was hurt, then angy and then I moved into action and said, "you know what...I'll move!"
Well, he came to visit me in MD and we had a wonderful time, he actually said that he was feeling much better and didn't know what was wrong with him. In speaking to one of his best friends (who happens to live here) he indicated that he does love me, wants to be with me and knows that he is acting like a jerk. Well, when he went back home several days later, he was back in a funk and back to not knowing what he wants again. Is that normal? I mean at first I thought he was going through the "Oh my goodness I'm about to be 30" phase but he insists that is not the case. I have asked several times if we should end this relationship and he doesn't want that to happen. He has even made plans with my mother to go on a cruise...what in the world could this man be going through? He tells me one thing and then tells my family and his friends something completely different!! What do you think? HELP!
Well, why does he have to move to MD? Why can't you move to be with him? I see from your profile that you live in Syracuse. Perhaps he doesn't want to leave his friends and family behind. Perhaps he's not sure that he'll find a good job in Syracuse. All of this can lead to cold feet about leaving MD on his part. I know that I'd be sad to leave those delicious MD crabcakes behind! And honestly, Syracuse is not a place that most people think of moving to. So think about moving to MD instead.
I think that in the beginning of most relationships, there is a lot of energy due to the excitement of meeting a new love and all those nice crush feelings. It's been 4 years and I think that it's natural for there to be less contact. He still loves you but the crush is wearing off, so overall his feelings towards you are calmer.
Exactly why I want to hear what his reaction was when she said she'd move. IF the only problem was him not wanting to give up his city/job he should be OVERJOYED that she has agreed to move. If he isn't, then the relationship is not going anywhere.
I agree.
I absolutely love Maryland, was just there a couple months ago. I'd rather live in MD than in Syracuse. More opportunity.
Well, why does he have to move to MD? Why can't you move to be with him? I see from your profile that you live in Syracuse. Perhaps he doesn't want to leave his friends and family behind. Perhaps he's not sure that he'll find a good job in Syracuse. All of this can lead to cold feet about leaving MD on his part. I know that I'd be sad to leave those delicious MD crabcakes behind! And honestly, Syracuse is not a place that most people think of moving to. So think about moving to MD instead.
I think that in the beginning of most relationships, there is a lot of energy due to the excitement of meeting a new love and all those nice crush feelings. It's been 4 years and I think that it's natural for there to be less contact. He still loves you but the crush is wearing off, so overall his feelings towards you are calmer.
But she DID offer to move...we are waiting for her to tell us what his reaction to that was.
But she DID offer to move...we are waiting for her to tell us what his reaction to that was.
Ok, so no one thinks I am a birdbrain, I admit that I am juggling offline things here while skimming threads. I await to find out his reaction. What would we do without you LovesMountains to keep us all in check?
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