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I agree!!! Maybe some of you don't realize how expensive it is to live in New York, but I lived across the bridge in Park Slope, Brooklyn for nearly a decade, and by the time I left in 2004 I was paying $1200 a month for an apartment that actually had caving floors...like, if there was no carpeting, there would have been a HOLE!!! Manhattan itself, double that rent for the same size apartment, add a few rats/cockroaches...voila!
If the kid is going to school, he would not only have to work like a dog while not in class (after finding a job that won't give him a hard time about having school to juggle with work), he would also most likely have to deal with roommates partying once he finally gets home exhausted from everything...where does studying fit in?! Yes, plenty of people do it, but it's HARD as hell and if his parents are in a position to help him out, he's very lucky and would be pretty stupid to pass it up!
Last, (to the OP) you clearly don't want to be with this guy anymore...you should respect him enough as a person after being with him for 4 years to be honest, (not to mention his family who in good faith opened their home to you) & let him get on with his life...!!! I hope you're as hard-working as you say you are, because you'll need to make work the focal point of your existence just to handle your expenses once your boyfriend's parents aren't putting you up anymore...!
If she really loved him then she needs to provide a plan of action for her relationship with him, set boundaries, and see to it that he learn to have respect for her and vice versa.
Good advice artsy. Thats what I was thinking.
Together, make a plan, outline what each of you want and expect out of your relationship. Living arragements, financial contributions, social activities, etc. If either one cant live up to it, move on.
Maybe he doesn't go out because he is aware that hes not working at the moment and doesn't want to deplete the funds, maybe if you got a second job
All kidding aside I can't think of any advice, if hes in school full time hes got to finish and be working at some point. If hes a good man as you say I think I'd be thankful for him and his parents.
I agree. Maybe he has the kind of nature that will get you through the hard times which may be more important than the material things you speak of. It's a cliche, but a good man is hard to find and if he is generous of nature and loving toward you, you could do a lot worse - i.e. find a man who lacks these qualities but is vocationally "successful", and who may put his job before his family. You have some thinking to do. Just make sure you are worthy of him.
Ok..lets begin! I am 25 and ive been in my current relationship for 4 yrs. I am a hard working woman with alot going for myself. My boyfriend on the other hand, is only going to school (which is respectable). But in the 4 yrs hes only worked one. Now, ive never been one to support a guy, but for some reason i cant break out of this shell. ok well when i came to new york i knew nobody, he took me in..wait his family took me in (we still live at his moms house). I am super grateful, too grateful to the point where sometimes i have to slap myself and say i cant owe him for ever! I love him, but i cant handle it any more. I am not a materialistic person, but hes neither stable or on the other hand romantic. When i go dancing, i go with my friends because he doesnt like to go out. But yet he is constantly texting me to see where i am, and when i get home he questions me about who spoke to me or what not. My family thinks hes great as a person, but they hate the fact that he does not push himself to be better. It does bother me when ppl or family tell me he is no good for me and that i should move on already! I understand that, but i cant seem to step up and do it. He is tempermental, immature, not responsible, but he is loyal, honest and he loves me. Dont get me wrong, i have other offers on the table, but i like to focus on my relationship and make sure i am loyal and true. Therefore, i think im trying to give him the benifit of the doubt, but i am getting tired! Since i dont know many ppl in new york, i guess i feel a lil' nervous as whats to come. All i need is some advice as to how to go about this...what should i do? He is such a good man, just not a motivated man. Im basically afraid of risking my future for him. Thanks for listening.
I see this as a mis-matched relationship ,plus he either feels entitled not to carry a job or he is fundamentally lazy, plus you allowed yourself to get too involved and intimate by living with him at his parents house ; that speaks volumes about his parents value/ethics system which more than likely has been passed onto him. My advice is to part ways realizing that it is not the correct relationship for you , and to take some time off of dating to clear your head ; when you meet someone new again, I would move much slower so if you determine it isnt a good match , to not let it go any deeper where it becomes far more painful to exit it. Moving in together only confuses and clouds one mind to where its hard to think straight and objectively. Forget what our culture and the TV teaches, because they could care less about you . God does care about you and thats the reason for his established absolute moral laws...to protect you with and so you can remain on the right track. Regards.
Well, people need to stop judging the poor guy.
If she really loved him then she needs to provide a plan of action for her relationship with him, set boundaries, and see to it that he learn to have respect for her and vice versa. Since, she is on here complaining until she is purple in the face about him, it just makes her look like she really wasn't into him in the first place and now wants out, now that she realizes they don't have much in common. If she cannot get a plan of action to improve her relationship with him together and enforce it, then I'd say move on because the relationship is pitiful and practically useless at this point.
I was more concerned because she said he was tempermental and I believe she also had a child.
A man that does not work does not eat. What is he doing everyday while your at work. He sounds like a okay guy but if he is not willing to pull his own weight what else can you do. My dad always told me that your ship can't sail if you still have the anchor out. He needs to find a job or you move on with your life.
Did you know you and I judge others virtually everyday of our lives , and rightly so ? We judge anothers behaviour/ motives/ actions, whenever a repairman comes to the door, when we approach a busy intersection with our cars, when the economy goes into a severe recession, when theres a presidential election, when a neighbor walks their dog and it goes #2 on our grass, etc... Do you sense some judgement in these examples ? As to the OP'er , she posted her dilemna asking for our advice and wisdom ; that requires judging the situation and everyone involved so we can respond accordingly. Further, every post and reply made in CityData gets judged accordingly by its viewers...so Id encourage you not to play 'the judgement card' as it is invalid to do so .
Did you know you and I judge others virtually everyday of our lives , and rightly so ? We judge anothers behaviour/ motives/ actions, whenever a repairman comes to the door, when we approach a busy intersection with our cars, when the economy goes into a severe recession, when theres a presidential election, when a neighbor walks their dog and it goes #2 on our grass, etc... Do you sense some judgement in these examples ? As to the OP'er , she posted her dilemna asking for our advice and wisdom ; that requires judging the situation and everyone involved so we can respond accordingly. Further, every post and reply made in CityData gets judged accordingly by its viewers...so Id encourage you not to play 'the judgement card' as it is invalid to do so .
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Manhattan itself, double that rent for the same size apartment, add a few rats/cockroaches...voila!
where does studying fit in?! Yes, plenty of people do it, but it's HARD as hell and if his parents are in a position to help him out, he's very lucky and would be pretty stupid to pass it up! 
