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Old 10-10-2008, 05:11 PM
 
25,157 posts, read 53,804,646 times
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Good list. Although now I get the sense that he is rushing and pushing more serious emotions onto her when she isn't "there" yet.

I do want to point out that I personally wouldn't be having sex with anybody that couldn't balance serious emotions and fun and silliness together in harmony.

Quote:
Originally Posted by sierraAZ View Post
It's hard to say. There are number of possibilities:

- cold fish by nature
- emotionally unavailable
- self-hatred (feels undeserving of your affection)
- tries to keep you at arm's length because the relationship is not important to her
- sexually abused as a child

That's a few off the top of my head.
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Old 10-10-2008, 05:12 PM
miu
 
Location: MA/NH
17,758 posts, read 40,016,529 times
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How old is your girlfriend? Maybe her previous relationships have caused her to be more cynical about romance. And you haven't been dating all that long. I think that she thinks the sweet talk is fluff and by not having it, she's getting the real thing. Maybe she thinks that charm is for con artists. Or maybe it's her parents. They've warned her to not be swayed by sweet talk and to only date a man that sensible and straight forward acting. Have you met her parents yet?

And I'd stop trying to be romantic and do things the way she wants until she trusts you completely and knows that your affection for her is the real thing.

As to only seeing her 2-4 times a week, it sounds like she likes and needs to have her own personal space. She's not ready to have a 24/7 relationship because she likes being independent. Again, it also could be that she's going slow in case you ultimately disappoint her. She doesn't want to build her whole life around you and then have you leave her.

I think that you've ONLY been dating her 8 months, and while it's a good start, it's too soon for both of you to be joined at the hip as a couple. Take things slow and more relaxed. Not seeing or talking to each other every day gives both of you a chance to do interesting things and then to report back to each other. And that way, you won't get bored with each other too soon. And both also have a chance to stay in touch with your other close friends.

I suppose I'm like your girlfriend. I don't want flowers or cards. I do like cuddling in bed at night, but in public, I'm not always interested in holding hands or that lovey-dovey stuff.
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Old 10-10-2008, 05:15 PM
 
1,072 posts, read 2,696,249 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by soltero1965 View Post
Hello I need some help or advice I have been dating this very nice woman for about eight months now but every time I say something romantic or caring she tells me I am being corny and to stop. Sex is not bad and in fact its good. I need help communicating with her or even how to act when I am with her, she doesn't holding hands cuddling or even kissing that much unless shes had a few drinks then she tells me she cares for me or that she likes me or even tolerates romantic words. Help me I am going crazy.
OR, OR...

Perhaps she's been used, taken for granted, or treated wrongly so badly by her previous BF's, that she now "numbs" herself from anything that spells out the word "romance"... because maybe she doesn't want as close to you as she actually wants to be, in fear of getting hurt as badly as she did in the past...

Sorry that you have to be the one bearing her burnt past.
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Old 10-10-2008, 05:16 PM
 
Location: Tennessee
16,224 posts, read 25,580,674 times
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Cornball?
Sigh......Take control of this relationship. Yes, she may have issues from the way she was raised, but she is also a grown woman.
I think, you need to make a decision on this trip, whether she is for you, or not. Make a plan...whatever you feel you want to do...(don`t think about what she may say about it) just go with it.
Whether its a candlelight dinner, with soft music in the background, or to make a bed on the floor with candles, and wine, and some fruit for dippin`. Do whatever feels right for you......if its not for her, which it doesn`t sound like the two of you are on the same wave length, then you will be able to tell right away. Do it her way....have fun, go home, and find someone who is on the same wave as you.
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Old 10-10-2008, 05:17 PM
 
25,157 posts, read 53,804,646 times
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That could be true; however, as an adult you make the choice to be happy with what you have and to test the waters and set boundaries instead of recreating the vicious cycle.

Quote:
Originally Posted by sms0511 View Post
OR, OR...

Perhaps she's been used, taken for granted, or treated wrongly so badly by her previous BF's, that she now "numbs" herself from anything that spells out the word "romance"... because maybe she doesn't want as close to you as she actually wants to be, in fear of getting hurt as badly as she did in the past...

Sorry that you have to be the one bearing her burnt past.
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Old 10-10-2008, 05:19 PM
 
25,157 posts, read 53,804,646 times
Reputation: 7058
I wouldn't go to those lengths knowing she dislikes romance.

Two wrongs don't make a right, just because she was used in the past doesn't mean that will fix any of her problems.

Quote:
Originally Posted by yankeegirl313 View Post
Cornball?
Sigh......Take control of this relationship. Yes, she may have issues from the way she was raised, but she is also a grown woman.
I think, you need to make a decision on this trip, whether she is for you, or not. Make a plan...whatever you feel you want to do...(don`t think about what she may say about it) just go with it.
Whether its a candlelight dinner, with soft music in the background, or to make a bed on the floor with candles, and wine, and some fruit for dippin`. Do whatever feels right for you......if its not for her, which it doesn`t sound like the two of you are on the same wave length, then you will be able to tell right away. Do it her way....have fun, go home, and find someone who is on the same wave as you.
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Old 10-10-2008, 05:19 PM
 
4 posts, read 35,135 times
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You all have been a great help she did tell me her last boy friend devastated her emotionally she had placed allot of trust on him and he had lied about having kids and being married. All of you have helped me focus more on giving her time and letting her hurt kind of fade. I am very caring by nature and I do care for her but it may come across as too much for her to handle now.
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Old 10-10-2008, 05:20 PM
 
Location: Tucson
42,831 posts, read 87,925,185 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sms0511 View Post
OR, OR...

Perhaps she's been used, taken for granted, or treated wrongly so badly by her previous BF's, that she now "numbs" herself from anything that spells out the word "romance"... because maybe she doesn't want as close to you as she actually wants to be, in fear of getting hurt as badly as she did in the past...

Sorry that you have to be the one bearing her burnt past.
Yeah, that's a good guess, too.
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Old 10-10-2008, 05:21 PM
 
Location: Tennessee
16,224 posts, read 25,580,674 times
Reputation: 24104
Good luck.....take it slow......maybe she will learn to trust again soon.
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Old 10-10-2008, 05:23 PM
 
Location: Tucson
42,831 posts, read 87,925,185 times
Reputation: 22814
Quote:
Originally Posted by yankeegirl313 View Post
Cornball?
Sigh......
I know... Sorry for being so blunt, OP, but this sounds like dyke language to me. I've been observing one like that lately... that's how I know.
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