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Old 10-11-2008, 05:16 PM
 
Location: Tennessee
16,224 posts, read 25,608,397 times
Reputation: 24104

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It may not be what she wants to hear, but this is what he wants to say.
In order for him to realize that this girl may not be for him, he needs to be himself, and if saying romantic things to her is pleasing to him, but not for her, then he needs to realize this, after witnessing her reaction, again, and even again.
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Old 10-11-2008, 05:24 PM
 
Location: Planet earth
434 posts, read 932,160 times
Reputation: 363
You are absolutely lucky

To have so many people give you good advice

I am not sure I am qualified

However, here is what I am thinking

First of all, life is not perfect

One has to do some trade-offs sometimes

List all that you want from a woman

All that you like about her

All that you dislike about her

Do your own math

Don't count on anybody can help you

Because what is import to me

May not be important to you

Don't forget some of the staff depreciate or others appreciate in value

Over time, specially life time

Good luck!
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Old 10-11-2008, 07:35 PM
 
3,562 posts, read 5,211,063 times
Reputation: 1861
I am not saying that this is the way it is, just my own experience with it.
I used to date older men. The use of "cornball" is not even close to indicating that she is a lesbian. It sounds quite juvenile AND that just might be saying something about how she views the age difference. Your concept of romance just might be quite suffocating.

When I was 29, and again this is my own personal experience with it, I felt as if society was pushing me towards "settling down". It was very confusing. I come from a time era where being an independent woman is to be valued and yet, society is not always supportive of it.

Now, this would lead to 101 reasons of what was wrong with me. It must be prior relationships. It must be my childhood. It was directly related to my parents. How could I not be absolutely happy with hooking up with an older man who was established and throw myself into a relationship where I could devote my whole life to "my man"?

Being with you might look like a long dark road of everything that would be sacrificed on her end and how she really feels versus how she is supposed to feel. When I listen to some men, in their 40's and up, they often speak of relationships as if it is there last chance and they were running out of time. Not true for all.

Or, you could just be a Sugar Daddy. Who knows?
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Old 10-11-2008, 07:41 PM
 
25,157 posts, read 53,853,425 times
Reputation: 7058
What I am annoyed about is why these complexities have not been openly discussed with the two.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pandamonium View Post
I am not saying that this is the way it is, just my own experience with it.
I used to date older men. The use of "cornball" is not even close to indicating that she is a lesbian. It sounds quite juvenile AND that just might be saying something about how she views the age difference. Your concept of romance just might be quite suffocating.

When I was 29, and again this is my own personal experience with it, I felt as if society was pushing me towards "settling down". It was very confusing. I come from a time era where being an independent woman is to be valued and yet, society is not always supportive of it.

Now, this would lead to 101 reasons of what was wrong with me. It must be prior relationships. It must be my childhood. It was directly related to my parents. How could I not be absolutely happy with hooking up with an older man who was established and throw myself into a relationship where I could devote my whole life to "my man"?

Being with you might look like a long dark road of everything that would be sacrificed on her end and how she really feels versus how she is supposed to feel. When I listen to some men, in their 40's and up, they often speak of relationships as if it is there last chance and they were running out of time. Not true for all.

Or, you could just be a Sugar Daddy. Who knows?
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Old 10-11-2008, 07:47 PM
 
3,562 posts, read 5,211,063 times
Reputation: 1861
There is a good chance that she may not even be able to articulate it. It took me a long time to realize that I am not into the traditional relationship scene. Too, there is the fear of going your own path and risking ostracization.
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Old 10-11-2008, 07:49 PM
 
342 posts, read 1,828,291 times
Reputation: 358
Haven't read the previous posts, just the OP, so sorry if this is redundant:

a) Sounds like you two have a communication problem. Sit down and have an earnest chat.

b) Read The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman.

It might not be that she's not romantic, just that her way of communicating love is different from yours. People generally show affection the way they want to receive it. I find it hard to believe that she avoids all displays of love and affection. Maybe she's the type that shows her love by actions rather than words. Maybe her cultural background dictates that it's shameful to be emotional. Maybe she prefers more subtle displays of affection. Is everything corny and cheesy, or is it just certain things you do? If she doesn't like something, ask what she prefers.

As a woman, there are plenty of things that I consider way too cheesy/corny/saccharine and makes me gag. But that most certainly doesn't mean I lack love or affection. I smile and show appreciation (for the thought behind the words/act/whatever) but will then inform the SO what really makes my heart melt. Ask your SO to explain herself next time.
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Old 10-11-2008, 07:52 PM
 
1,818 posts, read 3,087,711 times
Reputation: 229
Quote:
Originally Posted by soltero1965 View Post
Hello I need some help or advice I have been dating this very nice woman for about eight months now but every time I say something romantic or caring she tells me I am being corny and to stop. Sex is not bad and in fact its good. I need help communicating with her or even how to act when I am with her, she doesn't holding hands cuddling or even kissing that much unless shes had a few drinks then she tells me she cares for me or that she likes me or even tolerates romantic words. Help me I am going crazy.
If you are thinking of marriage with this woman, you might want to really give it some thought. If she is not cuddly or romantic now, would you want to spend your life with someone that is like that, when you sound like you enjoy all those things she doesn't.
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Old 10-12-2008, 12:49 AM
 
6,724 posts, read 13,945,521 times
Reputation: 5647
Quote:
Originally Posted by sassyone View Post
If you are thinking of marriage with this woman, you might want to really give it some thought. If she is not cuddly or romantic now, would you want to spend your life with someone that is like that, when you sound like you enjoy all those things she doesn't.


This needs to be repeated. The woman I was with simply was not romantic. She did not like any touching at all and I notice she would not hug people when they hugged her. It was not something she could change because that's simply was the person she was. She saw nothing wrong with it and was not willing to change. I cared about her deeply but not being able to show it was a deal breaker to me. I could see a future with her. She really made a effort to change but you can't be someone you are not. I ended the relationship and moved on because this issue was always on the surface.
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Old 10-12-2008, 09:30 AM
 
25,157 posts, read 53,853,425 times
Reputation: 7058
When you choose to be different, you choose to stray from the herd.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pandamonium View Post
There is a good chance that she may not even be able to articulate it. It took me a long time to realize that I am not into the traditional relationship scene. Too, there is the fear of going your own path and risking ostracization.
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Old 10-12-2008, 04:38 PM
 
1,818 posts, read 3,087,711 times
Reputation: 229
Quote:
Originally Posted by Grainraiser View Post
This needs to be repeated. The woman I was with simply was not romantic. She did not like any touching at all and I notice she would not hug people when they hugged her. It was not something she could change because that's simply was the person she was. She saw nothing wrong with it and was not willing to change. I cared about her deeply but not being able to show it was a deal breaker to me. I could see a future with her. She really made a effort to change but you can't be someone you are not. I ended the relationship and moved on because this issue was always on the surface.
Good for you, if you have not yet found someone else you will
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