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Old 10-11-2008, 10:52 AM
 
Location: Kirkwood, DE and beautiful SXM!
12,054 posts, read 23,278,952 times
Reputation: 31917

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Don't send the e-mail. You need to get your life back by not drinking and not texting in the middle of the night. Work on yourself for the next year. You can never go back to where you were with him. That's over. Also, even if at some point you were able to get back together, your past behavior could always be an issue, especially during an argument. Let all of this be a lesson to you and whatever is meant to be will happen.
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Old 10-11-2008, 10:53 AM
miu
 
Location: MA/NH
17,764 posts, read 40,062,045 times
Reputation: 18068
Quote:
Originally Posted by gentlearts View Post
I have a feeling you WERE a potential wife and mother of his children. Now you have reduced yourself to a drunken booty call girl. You can't unring a bell.
Eh. I have a feeling that princ3ss06 is young enough, that she can stop the drinking and grow up without penalty with this guy. But I do agree that the drunken texting needs to stop.
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Old 10-11-2008, 11:18 AM
 
Location: USA
11,169 posts, read 10,633,729 times
Reputation: 6381
I have a question, not knowing if you may be a little shy or what not, what about just calling him via telephone and sincerely stating what you have to say? Unrehearsed, and it enables you to hear his true reaction without having mulled over your message. If he doesn't pick up, just leave a VM for him to call back, and see where it goes. As convenient as email is, in some situations, it's a barrier.
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Old 10-11-2008, 11:55 AM
 
Location: Idaho
873 posts, read 1,585,749 times
Reputation: 257
I agree with most of the above. Drunken texting or calling is a total turn off. If a guy calls me when he's drunk, I lose interest.

One thing I've found though, is that when a guy hates phone calls, it's usually because you're interrupting something else. The texting is easy enough to blow off, the calling is not. You put yourself in a situation of being used. You downgraded yourself from the "wife" image. Trying to build that back up could be a major project.

Learn from this and move forward now. Do not send the email, don't call, don't text. And if I were you, don't respond to his calls or texts either.
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Old 10-11-2008, 12:00 PM
 
393 posts, read 1,494,866 times
Reputation: 179
Great advice, miu and JeepGirl118. I think either attempting to revert back to the 'normal' dating ritual or discussing where you stand are the two best routes for you to take (or perhaps both). The email to me seems a little vague. If I received that I'm not really sure how I would reply, and this guy doesn't sound like he's the type to hurriedly call to find your true meaning. Whatever you decide though, commit to that and don't be regretful. I've been aboard the Boat of Regret for about 8 months now and it's turned me into a miserable downer. Be honest with your feelings if the discussion arises, but if what you want to happen doesn't, take comfort in knowing you've learned a lot about yourself in the process and don't let regret get you down. Look hopeful to the future.


"Regret for wasted time is more wasted time."
-Mason Cooley
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Old 10-11-2008, 04:37 PM
 
Location: USA
11,169 posts, read 10,633,729 times
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Thanks, Parasol.

My feelings on it are that he is not chasing you down, Princ3, and I think that if you had another interest in the horizon to focus on, you would see that the compatibility is not solid. I just hate the thought of you compromising your integrity. I see signs of loneliness in your words, but this guy may add to that by increasing the feeling of your desperation. I do not mean desperation as in you are "desperate" - I mean in in terms of the longing of just having "someone" there, which is fine, we are human, we need people, no matter who denies they do not (I know a couple). I just don't think you should settle for "anyone." Let someone chase you, too. A partner is NOT supposed to *complete* you - they are supposed to enhance.
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Old 10-11-2008, 10:30 PM
 
123 posts, read 350,955 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JeepGirl118 View Post
Thanks, Parasol.

My feelings on it are that he is not chasing you down, Princ3, and I think that if you had another interest in the horizon to focus on, you would see that the compatibility is not solid. I just hate the thought of you compromising your integrity. I see signs of loneliness in your words, but this guy may add to that by increasing the feeling of your desperation. I do not mean desperation as in you are "desperate" - I mean in in terms of the longing of just having "someone" there, which is fine, we are human, we need people, no matter who denies they do not (I know a couple). I just don't think you should settle for "anyone." Let someone chase you, too. A partner is NOT supposed to *complete* you - they are supposed to enhance.
Interesting you say that.

I'll be honest, my social calendar is packed and I do keep busy even on weekdays with gym, work and toastmaster even. I go on dates occasionally and somehow they don't match up to him you know.and I don't like the idea of sleeping ard which is why I keep gg back to him. It's like with an ex - so unhealthy

I think I must have been a guy in my past life.lol. He wanted to commit, I didn't.he was doing all the chasing and talking abt future plans and I just smile and go, we'll see instead getting all excited. (I'm just really guarded) And now I'm regretting it.

I agree with one of the comments above that it will never be the same. I bumped into him twice this week on wed and fri and like a true FWB,we say hi but stick to our friends. And then there's that occasional arm squeezing when we walk past each other, there was even that one time he was act. Standing behind me for a long time just observing the conversation I was having with a friend.

I might be reading too much into his body language but I think he does like me only to think now 'poor girl. Pretty and carry herself well but it's obvious she's not ready for a rship. She's just too young'

That sort of thing.so he stops pursuing. And of course when I do ask him out,or drunk text him he's just gg with e flow.

Maybe my email is more of a closure, validating letter for me. It means to say, look I'm sorry for my behaviour. I realised it's not very classy as a girl and I am gg to stop drunk texting u. I do however miss spending quality dates with you especially since we always had a gd time. I guess wad I'm saying is can we go back to the stage of dating slowly but surely. Else I would gladly take my cue and leave u alone.

Sigh.

I'm gg to meet a great guy soon right? There are plenty of them to go around right?
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Old 10-12-2008, 05:00 PM
 
Location: Lansing, MI
2,948 posts, read 7,002,322 times
Reputation: 3271
Quote:
Originally Posted by miu View Post
See... the two of you never discussed transitioning from dating to a FWB. So why discuss changing it back? Just suggest a "date" and see if it goes for it. Then from there, another "date" and progress back towards dating and not being a FWB. If he tries to avoid going back to dating, then you will know how he feels.

And I don't think that he's consciously made you into an FWB, he's just passively going with the flow. Either way, he gets sex out of it. So as a guy, he's happy with either. What you need to do is start up the dating process again, and to make sure that both of you are having a good time during the dates. Don't send the email or try to have him analyze your friendship. Men just don't fuss over the details like us womenfolk do. And if you ask him to analyze it, he could just pick apart the relationship in a negative way. So don't ask, just push your relationship back towards dating and hopefully, he doesn't resist.
Or, worse... He could attach "closet drama queen" to you and walk away indefinitely.

My best friend is a single guy. He has taught me SO MUCH since I have known him about male-male vs male-female interaction and communication. I am blessed that I am starting to "get it" when it comes to communicating with men.

Men do not analyze relationships like we do. While you're ponder the 'what ifs', he is trying to decide what sounds good for dinner, and oh wait - that chick is HOT, and oh, I need to get gas. Yeah, the do not analyze like we do. If we give them the impression that we're over thinking a situation, their interal response is "back away slowly" in order to avoid conflict, saying the wrong thing, or even trying to 'guess' what you've got cooking. Because they are truly clueless about what could possibly on your mind. Men are so much more simplier than women are.

My advice.. If you want to send him an email to let him know you're thinking about him and enjoyed the good times, do so. Never hurts to let him know. But, KISS (keep it simple stupid) without going into the emotion conflict you're having. Because he isn't having that emotional conflict, you are. Do not expect a deep, emotional response back. Keep it light, keep it fun. Casually suggest maybe going out. See where that goes. If he says yes - there is your in. If he declines, you know your answer. If you want to pursue a real relationship... the FWB stops NOW. If he turns down a casual date, the FWB is the only "relationship" you have with him.
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