Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
 
Old 10-20-2008, 09:36 AM
 
3,486 posts, read 5,667,775 times
Reputation: 3868

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler View Post
My guess would be that men don't want to be seen as abandoning their wives. My SIL filed 18 months after her ex left. He wasn't going to file yet he left her for another woman. I filed when my husband left. He said he had no intention of filing. He just moved out and on with his life. He left it to me to file. He'd leave but he didn't want to be the one who actually ended the marriage.
The US Declaration of Independence states in part: "[a]ll experience hath shown that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed". Those words are very true of men. Women have a much greater need than men for "closure" -- thus, women usually file for divorce because they want an official and definitive end to the marriage. Men, by contrast, prefer to leave things the way they are, at least on the surface, even if they don't like it and have no interest in improving the relationship -- and therefore usually file for divorce only if they already have the next wife lined up or if their girlfriends are pressuring them. The statistic is misleading: it's not like the men in most of those 70% of divorce cases get slapped with a summons and complaint out of the blue, to their utter surprise. No, in the overwhelming majority of those cases, the marriage is definitely over, the parties are separated, both parties already have retained lawyers and both understand that divorce is the next step -- and it's simply by custom and practice, that women usually do the actual filing, just like by custom and practice, men usually do the proposing even when it's understood that the couple is getting engaged. Simply put, this statistic lacks context. What I would like to see is, who tends to consult a divorce lawyer first, and who retains one first. I don't know for a fact, but I would cautiously suppose the percentages there are quite different.

 
Old 10-20-2008, 09:38 AM
 
Location: SUNNY AZ
4,589 posts, read 13,131,867 times
Reputation: 1850
Quote:
Originally Posted by Redisca View Post
The US Declaration of Independence states in part: "[a]ll experience hath shown that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed". Those words are very true of men. Women have a much greater need than men for "closure" -- thus, women usually file for divorce because they want an official and definitive end to the marriage. Men, by contrast, prefer to leave things the way they are, at least on the surface, even if they don't like it and have no interest in improving the relationship -- and therefore usually file for divorce only if they already have the next wife lined up or if their girlfriends are pressuring them. The statistic is misleading: it's not like the men in most of those 70% of divorce cases get slapped with a summons and complaint out of the blue, to their utter surprise. No, in the overwhelming majority of those cases, the marriage is definitely over, the parties are separated, both parties already have retained lawyers and both understand that divorce is the next step -- and it's simply by custom and practice, that women usually do the actual filing, just like by custom and practice, men usually do the proposing even when it's understood that the couple is getting engaged. Simply put, this statistic lacks context. What I would like to see is, who tends to consult a divorce lawyer first, and who retains one first. I don't know for a fact, but I would cautiously suppose the percentages there are quite different.
Uh oh...breakin' out the Declaration....it's sooo on.
 
Old 10-20-2008, 03:01 PM
 
3,486 posts, read 5,667,775 times
Reputation: 3868
Quote:
Originally Posted by lola8822 View Post
Uh oh...breakin' out the Declaration....it's sooo on.
I know it sounds like an overkill, but really, I didn't quote it because it's the Declaration of Independence. I quoted it because that phrase is just such an accurate description of what I was talking about.
 
Old 10-20-2008, 04:10 PM
 
730 posts, read 2,246,519 times
Reputation: 727
Smile our case was one of those exceptions....

There was no big event that ended our marriage, it just slowly eroded in a bad cycle that left us both miserable. We were both putting each other down, had unrealistic expectations, and basically were too immature to handle the work that a good marriage takes.

I WAS the one who refused to file- I had decided to be one of those "stick it out for the kids" people. When my now ex filed I was hurt, furious & frankly could not believe he actually did it.

Looking back on it now, he did me a great favor-and I don't mean that in a hateful or sarcastic way. I can't imagine going through the motions of a marriage for years after the emotional connection, self sacrifice & teamwork are long gone. It was not really a marriage at all-maybe only on paper.
Divorce is always hard on kids, but seeing us fight the way we did was worse.
 
Old 10-20-2008, 04:31 PM
 
Location: SUNNY AZ
4,589 posts, read 13,131,867 times
Reputation: 1850
Quote:
Originally Posted by Redisca View Post
I know it sounds like an overkill, but really, I didn't quote it because it's the Declaration of Independence. I quoted it because that phrase is just such an accurate description of what I was talking about.
Oh no I know....I think that's great and I agree w/you!
 
Old 10-20-2008, 04:55 PM
 
Location: Whoville....
25,386 posts, read 35,401,063 times
Reputation: 14692
Quote:
Originally Posted by Redisca View Post
The US Declaration of Independence states in part: "[a]ll experience hath shown that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed". Those words are very true of men. Women have a much greater need than men for "closure" -- thus, women usually file for divorce because they want an official and definitive end to the marriage. Men, by contrast, prefer to leave things the way they are, at least on the surface, even if they don't like it and have no interest in improving the relationship -- and therefore usually file for divorce only if they already have the next wife lined up or if their girlfriends are pressuring them. The statistic is misleading: it's not like the men in most of those 70% of divorce cases get slapped with a summons and complaint out of the blue, to their utter surprise. No, in the overwhelming majority of those cases, the marriage is definitely over, the parties are separated, both parties already have retained lawyers and both understand that divorce is the next step -- and it's simply by custom and practice, that women usually do the actual filing, just like by custom and practice, men usually do the proposing even when it's understood that the couple is getting engaged. Simply put, this statistic lacks context. What I would like to see is, who tends to consult a divorce lawyer first, and who retains one first. I don't know for a fact, but I would cautiously suppose the percentages there are quite different.
Well, I consulted a lawer first and so did my SIL. In fact, make that two SIL's but one's ex is bi-polar so he wasn't going to do anything rational. My husband would have been content to keep the marriage legal while he moved on. I really do believe he did not want to be seen as walking out on me but that's, exactly, what he did. Either that or he wanted to keep my medical benefits, . There's certainly no financial reason to stay married with the marriage penalty.

I'm also convinced my husband did not want a court telling what he had to pay. He wanted to decide that for himself and he decided that since I made more than him, I could just handle all the bils . Fortunately, the judge didn't see it that way. Funny thing is he still can't figure out why I filed.
 
Old 10-20-2008, 09:07 PM
 
1,004 posts, read 2,692,004 times
Reputation: 669
Default For women marriage is about investment; men are symbols of security, nothing more

The reason women more often file for divorce is because men are nothing more than an investment to women; once the woman has what she wants she can divorce him and acquire perhaps 50% of everything he's worth. If a man divorces he knows he will have to pay her: alimony, child support, give her the house(s), the car, etc. Marriage is an institution that clearly favors women. Why do you think so many successful women don't get married? Or if they do it is usually to someone that makes even more than they do. Remember Jane Fonda got divorced awhile back, and had to pay her ex some big $$? After that she said no way, never again, and married Ted Turner who was worth more than she was. Paul McCartney actually thought he was marrying Heather Mills for love. Can you imagine? The guy is worth a billion dollars and he had NO pre-nup!? She knew she was going to divorce him as soon as he asked her to marry him. He was nothing more than a winning lottery ticket. Men are so gullable. What we really need is something comparable to what women have in colleges and universities. Women have "Women Studies," which teaches them to hate men by explaining to them how men have oppressed them all these years; men need "Men Studies" which would teach them not to be so damn gullable, and how to protect themselves. And every professional male athlete, in particular should have to take it. Gay guys see this **** comin a mile a minute, but straight guys are sooo dumb. If this country ever legalized prostitution the marriage rate would be cut my more than half, fewer guys than ever would get married.
 
Old 10-20-2008, 09:11 PM
 
30,907 posts, read 32,846,024 times
Reputation: 26919
Quote:
Originally Posted by timmy22 View Post
Why is it always Women who File for Divorce?

Just been reading an article about the subject.
Divorce: Women who walk (http://www.startribune.com/lifestyle/family/11329451.html - broken link)

Statistics show it is much more likely for the wife
to file for divorce 70% to 30% for the husband.
Why is this ?

Adultery is split 50/50 between the sexes as a
reason to file for divorce,so I know its not that.
So what is it?

Are us Men just so bad at it?

Are a Woman's expectations are just to high?

Doe's anyone here have the answer,or
can some of you ladies give us men some
advice on how to make a marriage work.
Sounds like we need it.
I haven't read the responses. But from my experience/people I know (this by no means is representative of the entire female population), women seriously get the short end of the stick in marriage, and eventually we just get sick of it. We still, even in this day and age, do the vast majority of the housework even when both members of the couple work outside the home equal hours (this is borne out statistically). We're "supposed to" nurture, be understanding. We're "supposed to" ALSO take care of all the family stuff from both sides of the families (the phone calls..the gifts...the Christmas cards).

Women also still have a larger part in the caretaking of the children, again, statistically.

And we eventually just think, "WhatTH am I doing here, slaving away for the benefit of...what? Getting a kiss from my husband as he passes me on the way to go play PlayStation all night?"

And we walk.
 
Old 10-21-2008, 08:57 AM
 
35,932 posts, read 30,474,370 times
Reputation: 32195
Quote:
The reason women more often file for divorce is because men are nothing more than an investment to women; once the woman has what she wants she can divorce him and acquire perhaps 50% of everything he's worth.
You are under the asumption that women arent worth anything. Celebs aside, most women work outside the home and have contributed to at least 50% of the assests. I agree women see men as and investment, but that should be a good thing as most try to protect their investments.

Quote:
Women have "Women Studies," which teaches them to hate men by explaining to them how men have oppressed them all these years;
Crap. I missed that class.
 
Old 10-21-2008, 09:07 AM
 
Location: NH
641 posts, read 2,363,726 times
Reputation: 369
Cuz women are golddiggers.

Men, don't get married or have kids if you really don't know her intentions. If she married you without hesitation and you are packing a fat wallet and a drop top in the driveway then you may want to rethink the decision. It can also work either way, but not as often.

She may marry you for your wallet and then take a walk and get at least half of everything. Make sure a pre-nup is in the works, especially if you've got some assets.

Yes I know it's a generalization and I'm sure not all women are like that. There are also some other factors that go into it, like roles of the household(nagging wife? lazy husband?)

Me, I'm not getting married anytime soon. I prefer having freedom to sleep around
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Closed Thread


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
Similar Threads

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top