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Old 04-12-2012, 08:40 AM
 
36,100 posts, read 30,596,879 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Red On The Noodle View Post
Why is it women who file for divorce? Because the men are too lazy and/or incompetent to find an attorney and spend the time to take care of things.


So I did. In my state the usual language is you cannot remarry until 90 days after the divorce is final. Well . . . . I had them change it to 265 days -- LMAO!!!

He didn't read the papers,
Another point. Not only does it usually fall on the woman to do the filing, men most often dont bother to read the papers. I dont know if it is because they are too lazy or in a hurry once the papers are filed. I found in my second divorce you must read every word, every time, on every document and have a red pen handy to correct the wording.

 
Old 04-12-2012, 11:14 AM
 
Location: Elsewhere
88,224 posts, read 84,127,726 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 2mares View Post
That sounds typical. My first ex couldnt pay the bills, didnt help around the house or with the kids, was an alcoholic, became abusive and violent and cheated. He was somehow was shocked when I left and filed. It was then he suddenly said he wanted to do something about to fix our marriage. Too late.

My second ex basically the same. Said he wanted to work on our marriage for years but never made any effort. He actually filed after we were separated for 6 months, but only because he got mad at me for selling his vehicle and thought the actual divorce was my punishment.
Yes, these types are all pretty much the same guy. They just have different faces and different names. Their behavior and reactions to things are predictable after a while.
 
Old 04-12-2012, 11:14 AM
 
14,727 posts, read 33,287,895 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 2mares View Post
Have either of you been married and divorced?
Nothing could be more IRRELEVANT. Seeing two male friends soaked before age 25 because they were stupid to reproduce quickly and had marriages fall apart is ENOUGH, and loudly proclaims "be careful." Then, just keep listening and these stories just keep on coming. Most women are interested in starting a family and if someone doesn't want to provide the DNA, then there's not much point in it.

Lastly, I don't need to try and pet a mako shark out in the ocean to find out it will bite me. It's called common sense.
 
Old 04-12-2012, 11:18 AM
 
14,727 posts, read 33,287,895 times
Reputation: 8949
Quote:
Originally Posted by 2mares View Post
That sounds typical. My first ex couldnt pay the bills, didnt help around the house or with the kids, was an alcoholic, became abusive and violent and cheated. He was somehow was shocked when I left and filed. It was then he suddenly said he wanted to do something about to fix our marriage. Too late.

My second ex basically the same. Said he wanted to work on our marriage for years but never made any effort. He actually filed after we were seperated for 6 months, but only because he got mad at me for selling his vehicle and thought the actual divorce was my punishment.
Did you ever consider that you don't choose well? All the red flags were there, as they are in most cases. Some people don't make for great combinations which lead to "nuclear families" or a childless marriage of peers. God knows the world could use more of those.
 
Old 04-12-2012, 11:19 AM
 
Location: Elsewhere
88,224 posts, read 84,127,726 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Keeper View Post
Really? You know this how? My 1st husband refused to go to counselling after the 1st visit. I didn't file for divorce, he did because I wanted a separation. He could go out at night with his co-workers but I wasn't suppose to have any friends or go with them after work. I wanted to work on our marriage but he didn't need any help.

I am always amazed at how so many on here make blanket statements about women and men. We all have different experiences in life and what you experience does not mean it is true for everyone.

I once heard a lady talk about how bad her XH was... few weeks later at a party I hear a lady and man talking about how horrible his XW was. Yep.. It was her husband. I did not know him but I asked his name and found out he was her XH. It all goes to show we all view things differently
I know a couple--the man was a daily resident of the same bar where my ex hung out. Once the last kid was grown and out of the house, they got divorced. The husband was sitting at the bar sucking down his mugs of Bud and loudly declaring how he made SURE that HE got the house and HE got the car out of their divorce. Meanwhile, a woman I know who was friends with his wife had lunch with her and listened to her saying, "He can have the damn house, the damn car, the damn furniture. He can have anything he wants, just let me be free of him!"
 
Old 04-12-2012, 11:44 AM
 
36,100 posts, read 30,596,879 times
Reputation: 32351
Quote:
Originally Posted by robertpolyglot View Post
Nothing could be more IRRELEVANT. Seeing two male friends soaked before age 25 because they were stupid to reproduce quickly and had marriages fall apart is ENOUGH, and loudly proclaims "be careful." Then, just keep listening and these stories just keep on coming. Most women are interested in starting a family and if someone doesn't want to provide the DNA, then there's not much point in it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by robertpolyglot View Post

Lastly, I don't need to try and pet a mako shark out in the ocean to find out it will bite me. It's called common sense.
I think if you went to a dr. for medical advice it would be relevant if that person actually studied medicine
It is very relevant when you continue to make generalized statements about marriage and divorce and how women view it and deal with it as though you are an authority and anyone should heed your words based on what your two friends said. If you have not experienced it you really can not know what is truly involved.
So I take it you haven’t gone thru a divorce.
So you are afraid you will be hurt and you don’t want kids, so marriage isn’t for you. You don’t want to take a chance swimming with the sharks. You know what is right for you, that’s good. Some people like adventure they are willing to take chances. Sometimes its exhilarating and wonderful, sometimes not so much, sometimes downright devastating. There is weight to the words coming from the person who actually swam with the sharks as opposed to the person who watches from afar and has never actually gotten their feet wet.
 
Old 04-12-2012, 11:50 AM
 
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,688 posts, read 41,593,260 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 2mares View Post
Another point. Not only does it usually fall on the woman to do the filing, men most often dont bother to read the papers. I dont know if it is because they are too lazy or in a hurry once the papers are filed. I found in my second divorce you must read every word, every time, on every document and have a red pen handy to correct the wording.
EVERY last one of my teachers in HS and professors in college would come after me with razor blades and lemon juice if I signed something like a divorce document without reading it and more importantly understanding it.

The ones who dont at least skim the documents you sign before signing them which is something you get screamed at throughout HS, should pay a price for abject stupidity.
 
Old 04-12-2012, 11:58 AM
 
14,727 posts, read 33,287,895 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 2mares View Post
So I take it you haven’t gone thru a divorce.
So you are afraid you will be hurt and you don’t want kids, so marriage isn’t for you.
I think the greatest obstacle for men marrying today is financial consequences. On the lists I've seen in articles on this topic, it's one of the first.

I could walk with a minimal amount of emotional hurt. I would get over that. The bottom line is that you have a financial linkage to the person you've divorced for a very long time. So, the exposure to someone you don't like doesn't go away.

Also, I don't like young kids. I would like to fast-forward them to the age where you can have a dialogue with them (don't know what that age is). I don't miss the experience at all. It takes 3 to 10 minutes of work to make one and, while some men view it is a display of virility, I disagree. It isn't. Anybody can do it. The real man is the one who reproduces and then sticks around to raise one, or a man who doesn't want children and is smart enough not to get into that situation.

One of my best friends from college divorced after some 15 years. His wife was concerned about her career and made a lot of coin. Sadly, it was one of the few marriage of peers I knew of that fell apart. Because she would yank his chain on so many issues (including his lower income), he initiated the divorce. (My parents could NOT stand her, thinking her money went to her head). My friend kisses the ground he got out of it so clean. He now lives in a new condo in San Diego and she is in his rear-view mirror. He loves his new simple life and the fact that he made out ok financially and that there were no kids (they separated assets that had appreciated....and that was it).

So, bottom line, it's about money. When the marriage is over, there is no love. Maybe hate, but not indifference. With that said, you don't want to fork over money to that person.
 
Old 04-12-2012, 12:07 PM
 
36,100 posts, read 30,596,879 times
Reputation: 32351
Quote:
Originally Posted by robertpolyglot View Post
Did you ever consider that you don't choose well? All the red flags were there, as they are in most cases. Some people don't make for great combinations which lead to "nuclear families" or a childless marriage of peers. God knows the world could use more of those.



Ya think. It would seem that simplistic in hindsight from the outside looking in wouldn’t it.

It amuses me how some peoples answer is always “you didnt choose well”. Yet another example of one dimensional explanations for something so complex. But then you don’t believe women marry for love do you. I must have overlooked these potential negatives on my check list.
In reality you can not know such things about a person, people do actually change, and people deliberately put the best foot forward or outright deceive you. All the red flags, how do you really know how financially responsible your gf/bf will be after a few yrs. of marriage, do you know how devoted and attentive a parent they will be, if they start drinking heavy or cheat.
 
Old 04-12-2012, 12:16 PM
 
14,727 posts, read 33,287,895 times
Reputation: 8949
Quote:
Originally Posted by 2mares View Post
All the red flags, how do you really know how financially responsible your gf/bf will be after a few yrs. of marriage, do you know how devoted and attentive a parent they will be, if they start drinking heavy or cheat.
You can see the devoted/attentive part in how they interact with or talk about kids. If it's sincere, it's noticeable. One friend said to me "If a dog is hanging out of someone's car window, you could ID the dog, but nobody inside the car." He was right, and everyone who knows me knows I make a fuss over dogs and not over kids.

People don't just START drinking or cheating. Luckily, I've known very few alcoholics, since I despise alcohol (expensive and tastes bad). These people have had that problem for a long time. They also made for bad friends, with the selfishness from their habit spilling over into the friendship. It's too bad because, when both of these friends were sober, they were incredibly astute and had great sarcastic senses of humor. When drunk, one became a dope and the other belligerent. Someone's alcoholism is fairly evident. Maybe it's time to rummage the garage and look for the hidden stash.
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