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Old 04-12-2012, 12:23 PM
 
35,998 posts, read 30,525,859 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by robertpolyglot View Post
I think the greatest obstacle for men marrying today is financial consequences. On the lists I've seen in articles on this topic, it's one of the first.

I could walk with a minimal amount of emotional hurt. I would get over that. The bottom line is that you have a financial linkage to the person you've divorced for a very long time. So, the exposure to someone you don't like doesn't go away.

Also, I don't like young kids. I would like to fast-forward them to the age where you can have a dialogue with them (don't know what that age is). I don't miss the experience at all. It takes 3 to 10 minutes of work to make one and, while some men view it is a display of virility, I disagree. It isn't. Anybody can do it. The real man is the one who reproduces and then sticks around to raise one, or a man who doesn't want children and is smart enough not to get into that situation.

One of my best friends from college divorced after some 15 years. His wife was concerned about her career and made a lot of coin. Sadly, it was one of the few marriage of peers I knew of that fell apart. Because she would yank his chain on so many issues (including his lower income), he initiated the divorce. (My parents could NOT stand her, thinking her money went to her head). My friend kisses the ground he got out of it so clean. He now lives in a new condo in San Diego and she is in his rear-view mirror. He loves his new simple life and the fact that he made out ok financially and that there were no kids (they separated assets that had appreciated....and that was it).

So, bottom line, it's about money. When the marriage is over, there is no love. Maybe hate, but not indifference. With that said, you don't want to fork over money to that person.
For some reason men think that they are going to lose money. The truth is now the majority of women work and many many make as much or more income. Why is it men think everything aquired in marriage was aquired soley by them and they are the only ones to lose? My ex, when we spoke of divorce, kept saying he didnt want to get screwed, he would get raped financially. The truth is I was making more money than him, he was actually unemployed. I paid the mortgage on our home, that he got in the settlement. There was nothing for him to lose that there wasnt for me to lose. We have spoken only once since the divorce was finial and have no financial link (no kids).

What is the financial consequences unless the man comes into the marriage wealthy and the woman never earns any money?

You really dont know about the emotional aspect. By the time my divorce was over, I pretty much loathed my ex. But, there is still pain there. Perhaps that is a gender thing. Perhaps women feel deeper than men.

Lets see the age you can have an intelligent dialogue with your child, 24.

 
Old 04-12-2012, 12:25 PM
 
35,998 posts, read 30,525,859 times
Reputation: 32269
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Dissenter View Post
EVERY last one of my teachers in HS and professors in college would come after me with razor blades and lemon juice if I signed something like a divorce document without reading it and more importantly understanding it.

The ones who dont at least skim the documents you sign before signing them which is something you get screamed at throughout HS, should pay a price for abject stupidity.
You studied divorce law in HS?

I've talked to several men who admit they just wanted to get it over with and didnt have a clue what they were signing.

You dont just skim and you question everything. I wore out a red pen correcting mistakes MY attorney made.
 
Old 04-12-2012, 12:27 PM
 
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,684 posts, read 41,560,654 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 2mares View Post
You studied divorce law in HS?
I've talked to several men who admit they just wanted to get it over with and didnt have a clue what they were signing.

You dont just skim and you question everything. I wore out a red pen correcting mistakes MY attorney made.
Business law and US Goverment actually but same concept.
 
Old 04-12-2012, 12:49 PM
 
35,998 posts, read 30,525,859 times
Reputation: 32269
Quote:
Originally Posted by robertpolyglot View Post
You can see the devoted/attentive part in how they interact with or talk about kids. If it's sincere, it's noticeable. One friend said to me "If a dog is hanging out of someone's car window, you could ID the dog, but nobody inside the car." He was right, and everyone who knows me knows I make a fuss over dogs and not over kids.

People don't just START drinking or cheating. Luckily, I've known very few alcoholics, since I despise alcohol (expensive and tastes bad). These people have had that problem for a long time. They also made for bad friends, with the selfishness from their habit spilling over into the friendship. It's too bad because, when both of these friends were sober, they were incredibly astute and had great sarcastic senses of humor. When drunk, one became a dope and the other belligerent. Someone's alcoholism is fairly evident. Maybe it's time to rummage the garage and look for the hidden stash.
I don’t agree. You really never know what kind of a parent you will be until you are one. Also sometimes you don’t really see anyone interacting with kids before you marry them. I have a friend who never liked kids and honestly you couldn’t leave her alone in a room with them that she didn’t have a break down. Now at 40 she has a toddler and is expecting twins. Ive known people who appear to like kids but didn’t want the responsibility when they actually had kids of their own. Yes people do just start cheating. A cheater starts sometime. And one can drink socially and become an alcoholic down the road or hid a drinking problem. Until you have spent much time living with a person you cant know all their little secrets.
 
Old 04-12-2012, 12:56 PM
 
35,998 posts, read 30,525,859 times
Reputation: 32269
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Dissenter View Post
Business law and US Goverment actually but same concept.
Thats good. Wish they had had business law when I was in HS. I had to wait till college. I actually think a little bit of divorce law in HS would be a good thing.
 
Old 04-12-2012, 02:17 PM
 
6,536 posts, read 7,256,602 times
Reputation: 3805
Quote:
Originally Posted by 2mares View Post
For some reason men think that they are going to lose money. The truth is now the majority of women work and many many make as much or more income. Why is it men think everything aquired in marriage was aquired soley by them and they are the only ones to lose? My ex, when we spoke of divorce, kept saying he didnt want to get screwed, he would get raped financially. The truth is I was making more money than him, he was actually unemployed. I paid the mortgage on our home, that he got in the settlement. There was nothing for him to lose that there wasnt for me to lose. We have spoken only once since the divorce was finial and have no financial link (no kids).
How long was he unemployed? Imagine you worked hard to have a roof, food on the table, basic commodities, some luxuries, bills paid, etc. and he stayed home all the time (since you guys got married). He cooked a few meals and house was clean. Not sure if women would be happy to be their ex husband's provider for who knows how many years until he got back on his feet.
 
Old 04-12-2012, 02:22 PM
 
35,998 posts, read 30,525,859 times
Reputation: 32269
[quote=onihC;23831783]
Quote:
How long was he unemployed?
Which time?

Quote:
Imagine you worked hard to have a roof, food on the table, basic commodities, some luxuries, bills paid, etc. and he stayed home all the time (since you guys got married). He cooked a few meals and house was clean. Not sure if women would be happy to be their ex husband's provider for who knows how many years until he got back on his feet.
I dont need to imagine.
What has any of that got to do with my statement. The point was he was so worried that he would take a financial hit in a divorce despite the fact that I worked and paid bills (mortgage) and he was presently unemployed.
 
Old 04-12-2012, 02:31 PM
 
Location: Canada
11,756 posts, read 11,958,029 times
Reputation: 30181
Quote:
Originally Posted by 2mares View Post


Ya think. It would seem that simplistic in hindsight from the outside looking in wouldn’t it.

It amuses me how some peoples answer is always “you didnt choose well”. Yet another example of one dimensional explanations for something so complex. But then you don’t believe women marry for love do you. I must have overlooked these potential negatives on my check list.
In reality you can not know such things about a person, people do actually change, and people deliberately put the best foot forward or outright deceive you. All the red flags, how do you really know how financially responsible your gf/bf will be after a few yrs. of marriage, do you know how devoted and attentive a parent they will be, if they start drinking heavy or cheat.
^^^This.

People can be so casual about something they have no experience with, but they "heard" something somewhere, "read" something online (without checking the validity of the info, whether it's factual or anecdotal), or have "seen" it with friends/relatives/neighbours.

Until you are involved in that relationship fully, you have no idea what the two people in it are actually going through...no idea what goes on behind closed doors, so what you think you've witnessed, or what has been told to you, is likely not the whole picture.

Spouting off opinion as truth and fact is ridiculous and insulting to those who have lived with a failing marriage and subsequent divorce.
 
Old 04-12-2012, 02:40 PM
 
Location: Virginia Beach, VA
5,522 posts, read 10,169,194 times
Reputation: 2572
Because women are selfish gold diggers who are only attached to a relationship so long as its gratifying their every need.
 
Old 04-12-2012, 02:56 PM
 
35,998 posts, read 30,525,859 times
Reputation: 32269
Quote:
Originally Posted by Randomdude View Post
Because women are selfish gold diggers who are only attached to a relationship so long as its gratifying their every need.
If this were true then men must be complete imbeciles who are easily led by the weakness of the flesh and the divorce rate would be more like 99%.
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