Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
 
Old 10-14-2008, 04:39 PM
 
Location: Coachella Valley, California
15,639 posts, read 40,914,432 times
Reputation: 13466

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by optiflex View Post
OK sorry but I wasn't aware this was a spouce you were talking about. People hate my responce to things like this, but it's only my opinion, not some rule of law. And when I say this usually the OP starts listing the endearing qualities they didn't in the complaint posts...If you're a health nut and he's becoming an expanding galloping gormet nut and you truly feel you've tried, and he won't........ LEAVE HIM! It's not the end of the world!

Let the hooded, torch wielding posse of stay married at all costers mount up and ride!!! Opti the kids robbed another marriage!
Nah, it's all good. I am not offended, I just felt the need to 'splain further.

 
Old 10-18-2008, 04:30 PM
 
3 posts, read 7,877 times
Reputation: 10
My opinion,

I've never been married. Most of my family and friends have gotten married. I have witnessed the best possible scenario and the worst. More often it's the worst and when it's bad, it's mostly bad for the man.

I've witnessed countless comments made by women that they expect to be taken care of and they don't want to work for a living and want to stay home and raise kids. Most men today cannot accomplish that because it takes more than the median American income of $32,000-38,000 a year to raise a family and pay a mortgage. I think a good number of these women want a divorce because they realize this man isn't going to be able to take care of her.

Also, what I've notice is, the more attractive the woman is, the more likely she is to divorce when the overall situation isn't going her way. Nearly ALL of the friends and family who's relationships failed involved a good looking woman walking away and on the other side of it, nearly all of the relationships that have stood the test of time, the woman is, well, overweight and not very attractive looking but have wonderful personalities and are awesome people.

I could not figure why a man in today's world would want to get married. Seriously. I've stayed single after watching the devastation and aftermath from divorce and how it's wrecked the lives of my male friends and my own younger brother.

Here is the type of picture the media paints of divorces by constantly giving attention to extreme cases:
1. Father abuses kids and mom.
2. Mom risks life to escape and stays in a battered woman's shelter.
3. Mom finds an attorney to file the divorce papers.
4. Father is not allowed to see kids but refuses to pay child support.
5. Woman ends up on welfare and busts her butt to keep life going.

Now, how often does that happen? It's actually pretty rare. Down in the 1-2% percentile of divorces and child custody cases where actual proof exists against the father. Because the media has made such a huge thing over these cases, the legal world has been forced to adopt special laws and rights for women exclusively that can ruin a man's life without any evidence having been presented and without any trial.

Here is a common theme for MOST divorces in this country that you won't see shown by the media:
1. Wife doesn't have the life she wants and the husband is a nice pushover guy who tries hard but doesn't always succeed in getting raises so that the wife can stay home.
or
2. Either or both spouses have cheated and driven the marriage apart through infidelity.
3. Divorce is usually filed by the wife (70% of the time). The reason why? That's coming now. It's largely because the man PAYS greatly for a divorce while the women is usually given everything.
4. Divorce. If a man doesn't move quickly to try and bring in a divorce couselor and negotiate a fair separation of assets and child custody division as well as negate child support or alimony, he will get fleeced of everything he built in the marriage, including the kids.
5. Most men are good fathers and want half of the custody of the kids. You would think that by having the kids half the time, that would mean you don't have to pay child support, right? WRONG!

If a divorce couselor specialist isn't brought in and these things worked out and the wife signs an agreement right away, the courts will later demand that a custodial parent be selected and that person is always the mother, unless the father can show she's a mental case, alcoholic, drug abusing party girl, and even THEN I knew a woman who's husband brought that proof against her and she STILL won custody! UNREAL!

As a man, if you don't move immediately before divorce is filed to reconcile, you could be blindsided with some really f'd up circumstances. Did you know because of the laws on the books, a woman can take the kids in the dead of night out of town, file a restraining order against you that will be upheld without even a hearing and then get sole custody sumarily awarded without a hearing? It not only happens but quite a bit. Did you know that when a woman consults a divorce attorney that the attorney is legally obligated to tell the woman she can do all of these things? That's right. The attorney can be sued for not advising each female client that she can literally LIE, take the kids, run, and win automatic custody and setup a winning divorce case against her husband.

Thankfully, most women don't go to that extreme but there are cases of cold and calculating women that do these things because it ensures she will win. Women really don't have to go that far anyway. The court is setup to cater to all women and to punish men. The more successful you are in life, the more you need to pay attention to this and don't get married and don't have kids. You'll pay for either choice. If you are broke and have little to no success, then go ahead and get married, have kids. The court can't make you pay if you are a loser and a deadbeat. Is it any wonder the birthrate of the poor outnumber all other sectors of the country? Because successful men are punished unfairly by courts and when that happens, it scares off other successful men from making a family.

Men have noticed the trend. Let's say hypothetically a male co-worker had to witness Bob at work go through a divorce, then losing custody of his kids and being relegated to being a part-time dad, then on top of that have his paycheck garnished to the point where he can't pay his bills or live a normal life. When you see that happen to a buddy, as I did (just 3 weeks ago the guy that sits at the cubical next to me was looking destroyed because the court handed custody of his daughter to his ex, to see him sit there in a frightened blank face trying to figure out how he's going to live when the child support payments slice and dice his 32k a year salary down to 22k a year and in addition he will only be able to see his daughter part time), and to witness your brother going through alternative avenues to try and protect himself from divorce courts gone wild, well, you start seeing marriage as something to be feared, not wanted.

Not only that but if you are a man who is unlucky enough to make more money than your wife, she can take not only half the house's value, half your cars, half your life savings but also have the courts pick your pocket further for alimony payments and grossly inflated child support payments (even if you have the kids half of the time!). My brother got a divorce counselor and STILL ended up having to pay some child support and alimony, but luckily got that amount greatly reduced from what the courts would have taken. Now that he has her signature on an agreed half-time custody and an agreed support/alimony amount, it's unlikely she can re-negotiate it higher. So, the divorce counselor saved him from what the courts would have done to him.

Now, everytime I fantasize about how beautiful a marriage can be, I remind myself of the above lack of rights fathers and men have in divorces but also, more than 50% of marriages end in divorce and 70% of them are filed by the woman. That is enough to keep me a bachelor until the laws are changed to be more fair to men.

Last edited by twinkle toes sledgehammer; 10-18-2008 at 05:37 PM..
 
Old 10-18-2008, 04:40 PM
 
2,222 posts, read 10,618,628 times
Reputation: 3328
Your first post, and you are using part of a known member's name. Hmm... does this mean you did not like her earlier post? I didn't see the sledgehammer come down though.

But you have a right to your opinion.
 
Old 10-18-2008, 05:41 PM
 
3 posts, read 7,877 times
Reputation: 10
Quote:
Originally Posted by Beth56 View Post
Your first post, and you are using part of a known member's name. Hmm... does this mean you did not like her earlier post? I didn't see the sledgehammer come down though.

But you have a right to your opinion.
No. I just wanted to post on the thread. I made up a lame name but I think I thought it up that way because the last thing I saw before signing up was 'twinkle toes' so that probably subconciously stuck in my head.

Although after reading one of the posts of twinkle toes, it's looking like she's the very woman I would advise no man to marry or have kids with so that when she walks away all you have is a broken heart, not a broken life.

Last edited by twinkle toes sledgehammer; 10-18-2008 at 06:00 PM..
 
Old 10-18-2008, 06:05 PM
 
37,422 posts, read 45,609,203 times
Reputation: 56705
Quote:
Originally Posted by timmy22 View Post
Why is it always Women who File for Divorce?

Just been reading an article about the subject.
Divorce: Women who walk (http://www.startribune.com/lifestyle/family/11329451.html - broken link)

Statistics show it is much more likely for the wife
to file for divorce 70% to 30% for the husband.
Why is this ?

Adultery is split 50/50 between the sexes as a
reason to file for divorce,so I know its not that.
So what is it?

Are us Men just so bad at it?

Are a Woman's expectations are just to high?

Doe's anyone here have the answer,or
can some of you ladies give us men some
advice on how to make a marriage work.
Sounds like we need it.
Well, in my case, I was the one who filed for separation, because my ex-husband was not in great financial shape, and I knew he'd rather not pay a lawyer. So I filed, we did everything through my lawyer, and he never paid a penny. We had a young son, and I wanted to insulate him from any negative impact, so in my case, this was the best way. In fact, we were separated for 5 years before we divorced, and I took care of that too.

However, I may have done the filing, but my husband was the one that wanted out. He is a control freak, I am terribly independent and hated being on a tight string...but I was willing to work on it, he wasn't. I went to marriage counseling - he refused to go, said " I don't have a problem with marriage - I have a problem with you".

The one who files isn't neccessarily that one that wants it to end.
 
Old 10-18-2008, 06:09 PM
 
37,422 posts, read 45,609,203 times
Reputation: 56705
Quote:
Originally Posted by twinkle toes sledgehammer View Post
My opinion,

I've never been married. Most of my family and friends have gotten married. I have witnessed the best possible scenario and the worst. More often it's the worst and when it's bad, it's mostly bad for the man.

I've witnessed countless comments made by women that they expect to be taken care of and they don't want to work for a living and want to stay home and raise kids. Most men today cannot accomplish that because it takes more than the median American income of $32,000-38,000 a year to raise a family and pay a mortgage. I think a good number of these women want a divorce because they realize this man isn't going to be able to take care of her.
Oh what a load of nonsense. You need to get out and meet more people!!
 
Old 10-18-2008, 06:16 PM
 
37,422 posts, read 45,609,203 times
Reputation: 56705
Quote:
Originally Posted by twinkle toes sledgehammer View Post
3. Divorce is usually filed by the wife (70% of the time). The reason why? That's coming now. It's largely because the man PAYS greatly for a divorce while the women is usually given everything.
4. Divorce. If a man doesn't move quickly to try and bring in a divorce couselor and negotiate a fair separation of assets and child custody division as well as negate child support or alimony, he will get fleeced of everything he built in the marriage, including the kids.
I filed and paid because my ex couldn't afford it. I even put in the separation agreement that NO child support would be paid by him until the divorce was final. I would rather not get anything from him, than fight over money and have any negative impact on our son. And guess what? We didn't divorce until FIVE years later. Now tell me who made out??
 
Old 10-18-2008, 06:17 PM
 
1,658 posts, read 3,031,366 times
Reputation: 290
I think woman file for divorce because its something they want. And to show their strength to man.
 
Old 10-18-2008, 06:24 PM
 
37,422 posts, read 45,609,203 times
Reputation: 56705
Quote:
Originally Posted by Twinkle Toes View Post
Well, okay, here's my take on it. Call me shallow if you want, but I can't help it. This is just how I feel. I am completely turned off by a man who refuses to look nice for me. It's really, really hard - okay, impossible - for me to be attracted to a guy who is fat and out of shape - large belly hanging over his schlong, big lumpy a-ss, man boobs, saggy arms and legs and hairy. I'm not perfect, but I am totally in shape and take very good care of myself. I do this for a number of reasons: (1) I compete in ballroom dance so I have to be in shape; (2) I'm vain; (3) I value my health; (4) I want to look as good for my husband now as the day he met me.

If you can't stay in shape for me, I feel like you don't care about me. It's not that difficult to discipline yourself to eat smaller portions, work out, lay off the salt or the beer or the sweets or whatever it is that puts you in less than stellar physical condition. You can be the sweetest, kindest, nicest man on the planet and I would love you with all my heart, but if you are physically un-fit, I can't get turned on by you and it will cause problems in our sex life.

Try not to be too harsh on me, I'm just being honest.

(But if you are harsh it's not really going to ruin my day.)
Can you shout that from the rooftops? PLEASE?
 
Old 10-18-2008, 06:32 PM
 
1,658 posts, read 3,031,366 times
Reputation: 290
If you look good physically, find a partner who also looks physically good.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Closed Thread


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
Similar Threads

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top