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Im sorry to hear of your situation- I can hear the hurt and pain in your voice. First I would suggest counsling for you and your husband, and then family counsling including your son. Maybe even just counsling for your son. If he is unwilling to address the situation, it doesnt sound like a healthy one to be ina nd if its got you doing a bad habit after 7 years then you know something isnt right. Your son comes first. He is your blood. He depends on you and needs you. I cant imagine the pain he must feel seeing you hurt, and him not feeling love from his step dad. Its easier said than done but I think a temporary seperation might do everyone some good and I know once your family see's you left him they will welcome you in with open arms. Alot of times when we judge people we are also pointing a finger at ourselves so I understand when you say they are in messe dup relationships too, but sometimes people see things we cant because we are blinded by fear or love and even though I dont know you, the little you described of him I dont like hima nd think you can do better. I was in a dangerous addictive relationship and I had to hit rock bottom before I got the strength to get out and Im so glad I did. I wa swith my ex for 6 years and loved him to death and I am thankful for all the experience- good and bad- but it was time to go and I'll cherish the good memories and stand tall and proud I made it through the bad. Think of your son, be strong for him. Leave.
Am I the only one here who realizes she has more than one kid??? Here's her post with a highlighted portion:
what do u do when u feel like u have done it all. i have been married to my husband for a year. we have been togeather for about 10 years and he still does not have a relationship with my son . now mind u he has a son the same age as my son and i love him with ever thing in me. but i dont see the same love for my son coming from him. He said it's my fault but he is just a child, and im sure he feels it to. he always find a reason tat somebody is treating his son wrong. and i don't feel it's right. I have not smoked in 7 years and today i smoked a cigerette im just so stressed behind him. tryin to make sure i dont say or do nothing to make him mad or to make him think i'm playin favorites to my kids. we have two little girls togeather and he don't treat them the same as he does his son. I reameber when my six year old was 9months old ha said mt son is my favorate child. till this day that sits in the back of my head. he use to hit me alot and to this dday i'm a little scared of him and my family hates him, but who they i to judge, the have crazy relatioships there selves. i reaaly doon't think i can take to much more of him, so ladies please dont judge i just need some help
This all looks like a no-brainer to me. If you were seeing him for 10 years prior to marrying him, then you knew how he was with your children. Since you married him in spite of that and choose to see it now, then I'd say now is the time to get out.
If I sound harsh it's because it blows me away that anyone could stay with anyone who didn't treat the children well. My children are grown and I still wouldn't tolerate anyone who was anything less then a friend to them. They deserve it.
i like to say thank u to each and every person who thought about reading this post. first of all to all the people who think that this is so easy just walk away, belive me i have tried and if u have never been in a abusive realitionship then u have no clue. so please dont judge.
From a happily married man, who is 59 yrs old and has seen my share of "life/marriage" turmoil......JUDGING people can/is very helpful at times. YOU have to decide what YOU want out of life and your man/marriage. Only YOU can make the right or even the wrong decision towards your man/marriage. Question is, DO you really want to stay with a man YOU are SCARED of????? You stayed with him during the times he hit you. Why would you want a man like that and have his kids......only YOU can answer that question!
Good Luck!
Quote:
Originally Posted by dont know how
what do u do when u feel like u have done it all. i have been married to my husband for a year. we have been togeather for about 10 years and he still does not have a relationship with my son . now mind u he has a son the same age as my son and i love him with ever thing in me. but i dont see the same love for my son coming from him. He said it's my fault but he is just a child, and im sure he feels it to. he always find a reason tat somebody is treating his son wrong. and i don't feel it's right. I have not smoked in 7 years and today i smoked a cigerette im just so stressed behind him. tryin to make sure i dont say or do nothing to make him mad or to make him think i'm playin favorites to my kids. we have two little girls togeather and he don't treat them the same as he does his son. I reameber when my six year old was 9months old ha said mt son is my favorate child. till this day that sits in the back of my head. he use to hit me alot and to this dday i'm a little scared of him and my family hates him, but who they i to judge, the have crazy relatioships there selves. i reaaly doon't think i can take to much more of him, so ladies please dont judge i just need some help
what do u do when u feel like u have done it all. i have been married to my husband for a year. we have been togeather for about 10 years and he still does not have a relationship with my son . now mind u he has a son the same age as my son and i love him with ever thing in me. but i dont see the same love for my son coming from him. He said it's my fault but he is just a child, and im sure he feels it to. he always find a reason tat somebody is treating his son wrong. and i don't feel it's right. I have not smoked in 7 years and today i smoked a cigerette im just so stressed behind him. tryin to make sure i dont say or do nothing to make him mad or to make him think i'm playin favorites to my kids. we have two little girls togeather and he don't treat them the same as he does his son. I reameber when my six year old was 9months old ha said mt son is my favorate child. till this day that sits in the back of my head. he use to hit me alot and to this dday i'm a little scared of him and my family hates him, but who they i to judge, the have crazy relatioships there selves. i reaaly doon't think i can take to much more of him, so ladies please dont judge i just need some help
Get out now.. you shouldn't even have to think about it.
I HAVE been in a very physically abusive relationship for 2 years. So bad a couple of times I remember begging for my life (once was when I was 7 months pregnant) so I know somewhat what you are going through. Lean on your family. They probably would love to see you out of that situation as much as yourself would.
take yourself and your kids out of there. go to your family. that is what family is for.
My son was better off not seeing his father beating my ass. Now he has a REAL FATHER. Maybe not by blood but my husband is his father as my husband considers my son to be his.
you bf after all these years still doesn't is NOT fair to your boy.
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