Locating friends and loved ones. (girlfriend, how to, married, women)

[Rcm58]

I have always tried my best to stay in touch with the ones that meant a lot to me but with all the moves I've made and the life styles of some of the people I've known some have proven impossible to locate. I located a guy the other day I wasn't able to track down on my last visit to Florida, nothing had worked. Last time I talked to him was 11 years ago and at the time he was supposed to move here or possibly NC. I started running reports on him several years ago but he vanished. I finally ran a search on convicted felons for Florida and there he is, picture included. This guy has managed to be invisible for over ten years and the only way to do that is nothing in your name as far as utilities, credit and you would pretty much have to work under the table and not pay taxes. He was busted last month on a drug charge and in the photo his shirt was unbuttoned and he had a leather necklace. Its hard to describe but he looked like a street hustler. We hadn't really been close since I got married in 1980, calling every few months till I lost touch and I realized that the image I've kept in the back of my mind of him is just as old. I had wanted to reach him but now I've got a sick feeling in my stomach and am just thinking of letting it go.

[Raggy dee Ann]

I hear you. I've moved around so much over the last 25 years and have lost touch with so many people and have been quite surprised when I've gone on line to do a search or heard from other friends. I think one of the most shocking discoveries was that one of my class mates in elementary school was arrested last year for arms dealing in Africa although he and his family are claiming he was freedom fighter. He's still in jail. The other baddie is being sought by the police in California for questioning in a very recent high profile murder of his sister in law. His brother and the ranch hand has been arrested.

However, last week I was pleasantly surprised when I ran across a name from the past in a publication announcing her reading of her best selling novel at an event for Black history month (we have it in October over here). I worked with her in the early 80's and always thought she was awesome, but the book blew my mind as I had no idea, she had endured all that she has written about. I had no these books were out there.

Constance Briscoe, one of Britain's few black women judges, on her controversial new book | Books | The Guardian


YouTube - Constance Briscoe -- The Book Show Episode 20 -- Sky Arts

[lola8822]

Originally Posted by Rcm58

I have always tried my best to stay in touch with the ones that meant a lot to me but with all the moves I've made and the life styles of some of the people I've known some have proven impossible to locate. I located a guy the other day I wasn't able to track down on my last visit to Florida, nothing had worked. Last time I talked to him was 11 years ago and at the time he was supposed to move here or possibly NC. I started running reports on him several years ago but he vanished. I finally ran a search on convicted felons for Florida and there he is, picture included. This guy has managed to be invisible for over ten years and the only way to do that is nothing in your name as far as utilities, credit and you would pretty much have to work under the table and not pay taxes. He was busted last month on a drug charge and in the photo his shirt was unbuttoned and he had a leather necklace. Its hard to describe but he looked like a street hustler. We hadn't really been close since I got married in 1980, calling every few months till I lost touch and I realized that the image I've kept in the back of my mind of him is just as old. I had wanted to reach him but now I've got a sick feeling in my stomach and am just thinking of letting it go.

That's a tough one.....ultimatly you need to decide if contacting him is what's best for you and your family. I'm not sure how old your kids are but if they are young....this guy might not be the best to have around. If your wanting to just contact him to catch up or to say hi......that might be a different story. What are you, or were you, looking for from him? As I know you probably already do......consider your family first and if it still means that much to you then be careful how you contact him......the last thing i'm sure you want is for him to know where you live or how to find you.....it's scary when you have a family, you have to be so careful.

Best of luck

[Raggy dee Ann]

Originally Posted by Rcm58

I have always tried my best to stay in touch with the ones that meant a lot to me but with all the moves I've made and the life styles of some of the people I've known some have proven impossible to locate. I located a guy the other day I wasn't able to track down on my last visit to Florida, nothing had worked. Last time I talked to him was 11 years ago and at the time he was supposed to move here or possibly NC. I started running reports on him several years ago but he vanished. I finally ran a search on convicted felons for Florida and there he is, picture included. This guy has managed to be invisible for over ten years and the only way to do that is nothing in your name as far as utilities, credit and you would pretty much have to work under the table and not pay taxes. He was busted last month on a drug charge and in the photo his shirt was unbuttoned and he had a leather necklace. Its hard to describe but he looked like a street hustler. We hadn't really been close since I got married in 1980, calling every few months till I lost touch and I realized that the image I've kept in the back of my mind of him is just as old. I had wanted to reach him but now I've got a sick feeling in my stomach and am just thinking of letting it go.

I'd keep my distance. Seems like he's been in the trenches for a long time and that's hard to shake off. Getting in touch with him will mean collect calls from prison, maybe requests for money and items he needs. The balls in your court. Not saying to totally turn your back, because I believe people are redeemable, but don't get taken in.

[Rcm58]

Thanks you two for your response. I've had his print out laying around for a few days now and I'll glance at it now and then and have a mixture of feelings including guilt. At one time I thought the world of him, we were inseparable for several years. We worked together and dated friends or sisters in the beginning because we enjoyed each others company that much. His parents were very successful people that owned a string of restaurants in south Florida in the early days and then a string of travel agencies during their hey day. Their older son was a minister over seas so Greg was treated as an only child and at one time we both lived together in one of his parents townhouses rent free and drove around in a brand new custom van. It was the 70's in the spring break capital of the country and life was very very good if you know what I mean. I had women brought to me as gifts at times, life was a party and many times the top band in the area was at our place or we were at theirs. We worked hard all day 60 hours a week and made what would be considered a good wage now, for about 3 months it was sex drugs and rock and roll. I'm the kind of person that likes to be in control at all times so after doing battle with myself for a while I moved on and Greg didn't, I spent some time around him again in the mid 80's on my own terms and from then on it was just an occasional visit. Greg was going through an 8 ball in an evening with guests, had a beautiful girlfriend and a daughter.
The guilt I feel now stems from his Mom's view that I was a good influence on her son, I wasn't. She died of cancer in 1990 and always hoped Greg would straighten up and he knew it. When she died he got worse and now hes a 48 year old man with no family ties or friends.

Sometimes getting caught up in the moment can last a lifetime.
What a shame!

[mrstewart]

This is such a sad story...makes you wonder about life, the paths we choose, the final outcome, and what makes some people stay on the path instead of choosing another route.

I am sorry your friend has not been able to find his way in life.

[Rcm58]

Me too mrstewart, I don't know if I could have changed anything. I know his parents would have backed him in anything he choose if he had shown an interest. He told me once that he believed in God and wanted to change but that he just wasn't ready yet. I self govern and never really needed an outside entity to help me. Part of me believes that the strong survive and the weak parish and thats that but not even saying that out loud gives me a chill anymore.

Maybe I'll send him a letter.

[mrstewart]

Originally Posted by Rcm58

Me too mrstewart, I don't know if I could have changed anything. I know his parents would have backed him in anything he choose if he had shown an interest. He told me once that he believed in God and wanted to change but that he just wasn't ready yet. I self govern and never really needed an outside entity to help me. Part of me believes that the strong survive and the weak parish and thats that but not even saying that out loud gives me a chill anymore.

Maybe I'll send him a letter.

Maybe that would be a nice way to reach out to him. You could be exactly who he needs to hear from.

[Raggy dee Ann]

Originally Posted by Rcm58

Thanks you two for your response. I've had his print out laying around for a few days now and I'll glance at it now and then and have a mixture of feelings including guilt. At one time I thought the world of him, we were inseparable for several years. We worked together and dated friends or sisters in the beginning because we enjoyed each others company that much. His parents were very successful people that owned a string of restaurants in south Florida in the early days and then a string of travel agencies during their hey day. Their older son was a minister over seas so Greg was treated as an only child and at one time we both lived together in one of his parents townhouses rent free and drove around in a brand new custom van. It was the 70's in the spring break capital of the country and life was very very good if you know what I mean. I had women brought to me as gifts at times, life was a party and many times the top band in the area was at our place or we were at theirs. We worked hard all day 60 hours a week and made what would be considered a good wage now, for about 3 months it was sex drugs and rock and roll. I'm the kind of person that likes to be in control at all times so after doing battle with myself for a while I moved on and Greg didn't, I spent some time around him again in the mid 80's on my own terms and from then on it was just an occasional visit. Greg was going through an 8 ball in an evening with guests, had a beautiful girlfriend and a daughter.
The guilt I feel now stems from his Mom's view that I was a good influence on her son, I wasn't. She died of cancer in 1990 and always hoped Greg would straighten up and he knew it. When she died he got worse and now hes a 48 year old man with no family ties or friends.

Sometimes getting caught up in the moment can last a lifetime.
What a shame!

Ah now there is some back ground info, I'd say get intouch with him and try and get on his visitors list and visit when you can. If there is one time he needs a good friend its now and at 48 after ripping and roaring for so long he might be more receptive to changing his life style. You say he has no family ties or friends...get in their now, but becareful and don't get burned.