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Old 10-14-2008, 09:51 AM
 
11 posts, read 36,878 times
Reputation: 15
Default Is he too comfortable or not into it?

Please let me know your thoughts on this matter...

I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for about 3 1/2 months...In the very beginning he told me that he wasn't very good at dating...I just kinda brushed that information off since...of course in the first 2 months...he was attentive, cooked me dinner, planned excursions for the both of us, called me everyday (talked for an hour), emails me from work every morning and saw him about 4-5 days a week.

Now, I see him 3 days a week, our usual phone calls last about 15-30 mins, emails me every morning still and he sometimes plans things out for us to do, when I tell him to. I don't know if he just got too comfortable in this relationship or did I push him off in some way...Sometimes I am guarded only because I have been hurt before...but he knows that. Maybe it's just football season and 65% of his attention is preoccupied by it. I don't want to make excuses for him but situations are viewed better by a third party.

What shall I do or think??

Am I asking for too much or he's just not into the relationship anymore?
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Old 10-14-2008, 09:58 AM
 
Location: Coachella Valley, California
15,117 posts, read 23,866,730 times
Reputation: 12196
Sounds like he doesn't have tp try as hard now. He's gotten complacent and comfy. You may want to start making yourself unavailable. After all, people want what is unavailable. Trust me - we all have air. We get to breathe it everyday. We take it for granted that we have it because it is plentiful and available. What if we ceased to have air? You can't breathe anymore because air is unavailable. All of a sudden it becomes real valuable and in demand! Water - same thing. Make yourself unavailable to a point, but not so unavailable that he forgets who you are.

Last edited by Twinkle Toes; 10-14-2008 at 10:55 AM..
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Old 10-14-2008, 10:03 AM
Status: "Better days..." (set 26 days ago)
 
Location: Griffin, Georgia
638 posts, read 945,727 times
Reputation: 511
Good advice.
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Old 10-14-2008, 10:10 AM
 
Location: Chicago, Illinois
3,014 posts, read 5,631,860 times
Reputation: 1301
15-30 minutes per conversation? i'd say he's into you alright. at first, you two were new to each other so your conversations lasted hours because you were finding out everything about one another but you can only find out so much. i think he's into you. the thing is you have been together for years so it's not like it's a new relationship anymore. you can spice things up to make it seem new again. whether that be through different settings, more adventerous/spontaneous behavior, etc. Try going 2 weeks without seeing each other, just talk on the phone. i bet as that 2nd week is winding down, he'll be talking all sorts of things to you on the phone.
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Old 10-14-2008, 10:10 AM
miu
 
Location: MA/NH
12,680 posts, read 20,778,950 times
Reputation: 9765
Quote:
Originally Posted by cluelessonmen View Post
Please let me know your thoughts on this matter...

I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for about 3 1/2 months...In the very beginning he told me that he wasn't very good at dating...I just kinda brushed that information off since...of course in the first 2 months...he was attentive, cooked me dinner, planned excursions for the both of us, called me everyday (talked for an hour), emails me from work every morning and saw him about 4-5 days a week.

Now, I see him 3 days a week, our usual phone calls last about 15-30 mins, emails me every morning still and he sometimes plans things out for us to do, when I tell him to. I don't know if he just got too comfortable in this relationship or did I push him off in some way...Sometimes I am guarded only because I have been hurt before...but he knows that. Maybe it's just football season and 65% of his attention is preoccupied by it. I don't want to make excuses for him but situations are viewed better by a third party.

What shall I do or think??

Am I asking for too much or he's just not into the relationship anymore?
Maybe he got tired of doing all the relationship work? Your post suggests that he was putting more effort into it than you were in the beginning.

Also, most relationships are more intense in the beginning. If he doesn't call you as much, it's because he has nothing new or special to talk to you about. In the beginning, you both were getting to know each other. Now that he's caught up with your life history and knows what your daily routine is, there's no reason to chat about it.

And maybe you are too available to him. Don't forget to maintain your other friendships. Try some new activities without him so that you have some interesting things to talk about with him etc... Or if he likes to cook, the two of you could take a cooking class together. If you don't like football, but he does, just accept that you are always going to lose some of his attention during the football season. No biggie.
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Old 10-14-2008, 10:17 AM
 
Location: syracuse ny
2,412 posts, read 2,867,342 times
Reputation: 1955
I see a whole different thing....What have you been doing? It sounds like you got spoiled by all this attention. What have you been planning? ever tried beating his getting in daily emails messages with...YOUR OWN? I'm seeing the chasee getting concerned that the chaser has calmed down.
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Old 10-14-2008, 10:25 AM
 
11 posts, read 36,878 times
Reputation: 15
Wow, you guys are absolutely correct....although, I haven't neglected all my friends...whenever we don't see each other is when he does his own things and thats when I hang out with mine...but I will try to be unavailable just a little bit...and give him a surprise once in a while...Thanks everyone...

P.S. Also I have set up some recreational activites for us to do...in the past...we traded off...every other week...So it's not like I was juss sitting princess over here...
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Old 10-14-2008, 10:28 AM
miu
 
Location: MA/NH
12,680 posts, read 20,778,950 times
Reputation: 9765
Quote:
Originally Posted by cluelessonmen View Post
Wow, you guys are absolutely correct....although, I haven't neglected all my friends...whenever we don't see each other is when he does his own things and thats when I hang out with mine...but I will try to be unavailable just a little bit...and give him a surprise once in a while...Thanks everyone...

P.S. Also I have set up some recreational activites for us to do...in the past...we traded off...every other week...So it's not like I was juss sitting princess over here...
We can only go by what you write in your posts. None of us are mindreaders...
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Old 10-14-2008, 10:43 AM
 
7,281 posts, read 7,749,611 times
Reputation: 5956
Quote:
Originally Posted by miu View Post
Maybe he got tired of doing all the relationship work? Your post suggests that he was putting more effort into it than you were in the beginning.
I agree. Relationships are hard work and if it feels like one person is working harder at it than the other, then that person will not be inclined to work as hard. I know women want to be pursued and most guys are willing to pursue someone worth pursuing. But most guys don't want it to feel one-sided.
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Old 10-14-2008, 10:50 AM
 
Location: Whiteville Tennessee
8,257 posts, read 10,563,866 times
Reputation: 9717
Maybe he has a life and is just busy?
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