Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 10-17-2008, 08:15 AM
 
Location: Austin
4,103 posts, read 7,003,301 times
Reputation: 6743

Advertisements

Trial seperation.....
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 10-17-2008, 08:26 AM
 
Location: New Jersey
1,181 posts, read 3,048,460 times
Reputation: 464
Quote:
Originally Posted by dreamofmonterey View Post
The only reason I am still living in a place I hate, helping the stbx...complains about his landscape business (I paid 10k for equipment/machinery, etc.),

he has major medical issues...I have so had it, I have tried to be a good person but I am sick of supporting a selfish person who takes from me, and gives nothing in return......
I definitely can relate. I lasted almost 12 years in an abusive bipolar relationship. I supported him in every way possible and withstood much horrible things in the process. It wasn't until it started affecting the kids, that I had to do something drastic about it. He started seeing doctors years ago, but it takes a long time to find the right coctail of medications and even then, there's no cure. I put the kids into therapy and moved him out of the house (paid for all his expenses too). He needed some tough love. It's been a few months and he's starting to appreciate it eventhough, he still hasn't found a job yet.

Go to counseling immediately. Together and separately. Don't pick someone out of the yellow pages either. Get a referral and then interview the person to make sure they understand what you want to get from therapy.

Quitting might be the solution for your situation, but you have to get help. Friends, family, internet, etc... can't be the place where you turn to for this type of guidance.

If you need to vent and rant though, we're here for you. I feel your pain. Hang in there.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-17-2008, 08:59 AM
 
Location: Naptowne, Alaska
15,603 posts, read 39,679,426 times
Reputation: 14881
Here's a thought. Put all that landscaping equipment up for sale. Then sell it. Then leave with cash in hand.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-17-2008, 09:12 AM
 
Location: New Jersey
1,181 posts, read 3,048,460 times
Reputation: 464
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rance View Post
Here's a thought. Put all that landscaping equipment up for sale. Then sell it. Then leave with cash in hand.
That's aweful
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-17-2008, 09:23 AM
 
Location: Hot Springs, AR
5,612 posts, read 15,075,943 times
Reputation: 3787
I understand that while there are medical issues, you might not want to leave, but it sounds like it's becoming him or you, and there's nothing wrong with saving yourself. Find someone else to become caregiver. You may be experiencing "caregiver burn-out". Check with your insurance company, some of them cover respite care. You might fell better if you can step back for a while. If they don't cover it , maybe a family member can take over.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-17-2008, 08:15 PM
 
Location: a primitive state
11,370 posts, read 24,340,321 times
Reputation: 17376
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rance View Post
Here's a thought. Put all that landscaping equipment up for sale. Then sell it. Then leave with cash in hand.
That was my first thought too.

I don't really know anything about your relationship. Taking some time away is not a bad idea. Counseling isn't bad idea either, especially if there is a reason to save the marriage...

...I haven't taken the time to read your past posts, though to my faulty memory, you're not an irrational person.

But don't beat yourself up over it. I have the feeling you need permission to leave. So do it.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-17-2008, 11:56 PM
 
Location: Naptowne, Alaska
15,603 posts, read 39,679,426 times
Reputation: 14881
Quote:
Originally Posted by MommyV View Post
That's aweful
No it isn't. She paid for everything to begin with. Why not at least get her money back? No reason why she should get the short end of the so called stick.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-23-2008, 06:37 PM
 
Location: Old Town Alexandria
14,496 posts, read 26,522,799 times
Reputation: 8966
Quote:
Originally Posted by ellie View Post
That was my first thought too.

I don't really know anything about your relationship. Taking some time away is not a bad idea. Counseling isn't bad idea either, especially if there is a reason to save the marriage...

...I haven't taken the time to read your past posts, though to my faulty memory, you're not an irrational person.

But don't beat yourself up over it. I have the feeling you need permission to leave. So do it.
Thanks everyone.

Counseling is so over. Ive done it- I am healthy- I am no longer going to Al-anon I know what I need to do for ME.

Everything else, well the medical issues are still there. No way am I becoming a caretaker. If surgery is eventually needed, I may take Rance up on the idea, sell the equipment, there is a long history, and I have done more than my share.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-23-2008, 06:38 PM
 
25,157 posts, read 53,824,483 times
Reputation: 7058
Good for you. Counseling is so overrated.

Quote:
Originally Posted by dreamofmonterey View Post
Thanks everyone.

Counseling is so over. Ive done it- I am healthy- I am no longer going to Al-anon I know what I need to do for ME.

Everything else, well the medical issues are still there. No way am I becoming a caretaker. If surgery is eventually needed, I may take Rance up on the idea, sell the equipment, there is a long history, and I have done more than my share.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-23-2008, 07:12 PM
 
Location: Coachella Valley, California
15,639 posts, read 40,935,261 times
Reputation: 13467
Yeah. I agree .... what Rance and Ellie said.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top