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Old 10-23-2008, 06:32 PM
 
Location: USA
11,169 posts, read 10,634,334 times
Reputation: 6381

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Selling his stuff because she paid for it? They are married, her money is his money and vice-versa. Have some class, leave him the stuff, and walk away with your dignity in tact. No need to cut off his dingle-berries.
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Old 10-24-2008, 12:00 AM
 
Location: MN
314 posts, read 718,073 times
Reputation: 340
Al-Anon would indicate substance abuse-having lived thru that she has MORE THAN PAID her share if he is the user. Take the money and move on-you can always remarry later if it is in the cards. An addict without rehab will NEVER take responsibility for their own actions and consequences. Take care of yourself so there aren't 2 people in need of support.
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Old 10-24-2008, 01:52 AM
 
Location: El Paso, TX
2,807 posts, read 7,563,864 times
Reputation: 3294
This is a tough one...I was used (financially) and emotionally manipulated by a past boyfriend, and once I saw through his shenanigans, it wasn't long before I said good-bye and good riddance!!! But this was no comparison to 10 years of marriage...

Is it his health issues that caused & perpetuated the misery, or is it that he is too unmotivated to reciprocate on physical &/or emotional levels? If you aren't in love with him anymore and are just hanging in there out of obligation, that's not good for either of you.

This must be so difficult, I am so sorry you are in this situation. I hope you find a way to resolve it with minimum hurt on all sides...good luck & keep us posted!
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Old 10-24-2008, 04:23 AM
 
Location: Ohio
2,175 posts, read 9,151,076 times
Reputation: 3961
Did you buy the equipment so he could try to start a business that he thought would give you and him a financial future?
Did the problems start after his health got bad?
You strongly state you won't be a care giver.
I'm not accusing. I'm just asking.
Maybe he had big plans to try to make you happy but health problems and the pressure of succeeding got in the way.
If that is the case then you are more concerned about material things than you are with loyalty and love.
He may have tried to do his best. You may have tried also.
I don't know who is to blame or if no one is to blame because of situations that occur that are beyond control.
I just think that maybe if you can't stand by him in his time of need that is caused by something beyond his control, then maybe you don't need any sympathy.
Whatever the case, I wish you a good life.
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Old 10-24-2008, 07:49 AM
 
Location: Whiteville Tennessee
8,262 posts, read 18,443,613 times
Reputation: 10148
Quote:
Originally Posted by JeepGirl118 View Post
Selling his stuff because she paid for it? They are married, her money is his money and vice-versa. Have some class, leave him the stuff, and walk away with your dignity in tact. No need to cut off his dingle-berries.
Somethings missing! Anyone seen my dingleberries?????
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Old 11-08-2008, 09:29 AM
 
Location: Old Town Alexandria
14,496 posts, read 26,538,794 times
Reputation: 8966
Default update-

Quote:
Originally Posted by luvmycat View Post
This is a tough one...I was used (financially) and emotionally manipulated by a past boyfriend, and once I saw through his shenanigans, it wasn't long before I said good-bye and good riddance!!! But this was no comparison to 10 years of marriage...

Is it his health issues that caused & perpetuated the misery, or is it that he is too unmotivated to reciprocate on physical &/or emotional levels? If you aren't in love with him anymore and are just hanging in there out of obligation, that's not good for either of you.

This must be so difficult, I am so sorry you are in this situation. I hope you find a way to resolve it with minimum hurt on all sides...good luck & keep us posted!
Thanks. the medical issue is a bad hip, and caused (according to drs) by heavy drinking, over a long time period, even if the person stops, the hip had bad circulation, and needs to be replaced-

That plus back issues, and drinking.

You are right that obligation is not good for anyone, I still care, but its to the point I am powerless, things are just not working, relationship-wise. I give and give, and get nothing back emotionally (not even talking about $ issues).

He is in the hospital now with rapid heart beat and they still dont have test results. Its like ongoing complications.
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Old 11-08-2008, 09:31 AM
 
Location: Old Town Alexandria
14,496 posts, read 26,538,794 times
Reputation: 8966
Quote:
Originally Posted by future1 View Post
Al-Anon would indicate substance abuse-having lived thru that she has MORE THAN PAID her share if he is the user. Take the money and move on-you can always remarry later if it is in the cards. An addict without rehab will NEVER take responsibility for their own actions and consequences. Take care of yourself so there aren't 2 people in need of support.
Thanks, that is also an issue. It just proves that all that time, something physical finally happens, to prove how bad the problem really is.
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